AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

[melmel89]

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

Crumbs what did you say to upset people.

Crumbs you sound like a good boss and you are good at it. I heard someone talk about why women hate other women. Why cant we encourage each other one wants to out do the other. I'm independent so Na-nana-naa-nah not she cares about her employees. Lets not have a boss like.

Crumbs what did you say to upset people.

I think people took exception to the patronising tone and saying that she has pastoral care - it may not have intended to be infantilising but most people in a workplace can ask for help if they need it, and if they don't then it's a fair assumption that they can function like adults.

I'm sure Crumbs means well, but what a way to put a dampener on a Christmas party if there's the boss marshalling people into taxis and keeping a record of who is with whom... "What, two to Stoke Newington? but I have Pete down as Neasden?" (Crumbs marks register and makes note to conduct post-party risk assessment.)

I'd also feel really uncomfortable if my boss was purposely not drinking so that they could watch out for me. Especially if all of us were grown adults who were sensible and capable.

YABU.

shes 32 weeks pregnant she is allowed to be over senstive! That said there are lots of pregnant women in london. I can understand if you dont live their how it may be overwhelming for you though.

I got as far as page 8. Did the OP ever come back?

I'm in the "suck it up buttercup" camp.

At 32 weeks pregnant in 2006, I had to find my own hotel whilst working for the week in Budapest.

Now that would have blown OP's mind!

Book, that's the kind of attitude pregnant women battle in the workplace.

A work place should ensure the safety of their workers when they are on duty. As such when away from home for work purposes you are on duty and being safe includes ensuring they have a safe way to return to the hotel.

Nonsense. I regularly go to meetings which mean that I have to travel and stay in a hotel the night before or the night after. None of my managers has never thought it necessary to check my travel arrangements or ensure that I have a safe way to get to or from the hotel, and I would be really quite offended if they did.

He should have sensed you were out of your comfort zone somewhere unfamiliar in late pregnancy and made sure you knew where you were going

Since when was extra-sensory perception a part of the manager's job description? I would expect an employee to know where her hotel was and, if she was in any way uncertain, to ask me. I wouldn't expect to cross-examine her about it.

And I have to admit that if Crumbs were my manager, I might be pointing out to her that she's not my mother.

As a lawyer I can confirm there is a high rate of drunkenness and toilet stall shagging. We manage to get home in the end and the only planning is for a duty solicitor to be brought along to post bail

So professionals don't get drunk on a night out?

LOL new one for me too.

Holy shit the professionals I work with (inc me) enjoy letting their hair down - if u chose to traffic cop everyone around after a piss up then you're the only one having zero fun! They're adults, they can manage Crumbs

And most decent managers leave a party before the employees get really hammered so they can get on with it without feeling like they are being watched!

I am sure my team get very drunk but not at a work do in work time. Some people are so uncomfortable in their own skins they lack the grace to see kindness for what it is. I am perfectly capable of opening doors but if a colleague held a door for me I would say 'thank you' not 'you stupid person, don't be so patronising I can open doors myself you know. What a complete idiot even trying to be polite'. In my experience it makes for a nicer life. My team are all perfectly capable of telling me not to cluck or that they don't need help with something but would usually see concern for their wellbeing as reasonable.

Genuine but tangential question: 'ignorant' to mean 'rude' - is this a regional thing?

Completely off-topic, but I've always heard "ignorant" to mean "rude" in working-class language use.

There's a difference between holding the door open for someone and infantilising them - feeling that you have some kind of pastoral responsibility for grown adults and that pregnant women are 'cosseted'. Presumably the fact you know that your team would tell you not to cluck means it has come up in the past?

We used to have someone in the office who would say to the newbies 'I look after everyone, they think of me as their office mum' so your post reminded me of that.

Nope never actually come up, as happens. I don't infantilise but do recognise women in later stages of pregnancy might get tired more quickly or that very drunken people put themselves at significant risk.

Crumbs even if a work Christmas lunch is on work time by the time the staff are wasted and getting taxis home are they still being paid? I could imagine myself drunkenly telling you 'leave me alone- I will go to Revs and have 16 more drinks if I want!' and buggering off because I don't want my manager being my mum on a night out when I am 34 years old.

No bums on the photocopier in Crumbs's firm, then.

The boss should either let their hair down, or make a discreet departure, allowing others to enjoy themselves without fear of having their card marked.

I can't say I've ever been to an office party - during the day or in the evening - where a boss showed the slightest interest in how people were making their way home. It's a different manner if someone is taken ill (drunk) but in the usual course of events people just drift off home when they want to.

But back to the OP: it does seem as if she expected her boss not to go out after the meal but to accompany her back to the mystery hotel and then have a nice early night, perhaps treating himself to the £6 Mars Bar in the mini bar.

If I found bums on photocopiers the person would no longer have a job. It would be gross professional misconduct. Party or no party.

Just come away from team lunch, bought the wine with meal and was first to leave. Most are parents travelling home with an hour or two journey so will go straight home. If now I have left they chose to make a night of it, that is up to them, of course.