AIBU to genuinely ask why men need 45min to crap?

[littleoysterslittleoysters]

I'm not joking. I have been married 3 years and my dh spends 45mins day on the loo. It will be announced the time has come and he is off! No questions allowed he is gone, whether we have guests or not! We have a lo now and I did say to him that he may have to cut down the time in an emergency. The answer was a shocked face!
I literally poo as fast as I wee, usually with a baby and a dog looking at me! Why do men have a god given right for this time? Or is it just my dh? I know he goes in the first few mins so what does he do the rest of the time? Does it take 40min for mens arses to close? I did ask once but what told not to question a man on the subject! Help me understand!

I take about 30 seconds. Like Gaul, my poo is divided into three parts. The mother load is the middle one.

I never go until I know I need to.

My DH sits on the loo for about 10 minutes. I have to frisk him for books and found some he had hidden in the laundry basket.
He now uses a different bathroom which has a huge window as he's taken to eating sauerkraut, and it's plenty whiffy.

The three Ss are shit, shave, shower. Should all take 10 mins.

I also think the daily fail are bottom feeders, but are welcome to all that comes out of everyone's bottom, slow or fast.

Genuine question my manly arse. The OP just wants to encourage a good moan. Anyway....

It takes me about 45 seconds. All your luxury shitters are either having a sneaky wank or are avoiding you/chores.

Teapot I like your style.

For those with malodorous DHs, teach them to strike a match afterwards - it's the quickest way of getting rid of poo smells. No explosions yet

I work for a small company where there is one loo for women and one for men. The men take it in turns to disappear for half an hour at a time for their big boy toilet. Drives my female boss absolutely bonkers.

I take between 5 - 10 minutes but my wife seems to take forever and when she comes out she announces that she couldn't go Why is she in there for so long then?!

I wonder what it is! My DH is only ever in there a few mins...

Also, while having a shit is perfectly pleasant, it's hardly worth dallying over. I suspect the idea that it's especially pleasurable for men is a myth like 'death grip'.

Although I like the idea of death grip sphincter.

My DH does this and it's so gross on a weekend morning especially because afterwards he'll go to have a shower and I can see the imprint of the loo seat on his cheeks! Vomtastic

Gah seriously whyyyyyy. Drives me mental how long he takes in the loo. Just get on with it ffs.

This, expect we only have one bathroom and a potty trained toddler x.x

Well I LOVE the yellow card red card idea. *runs off to the shops. Good to know i'm not alone!

My late father used to take an hour as that was how long it took to read his newspaper.

DH doesn't spend long in there and cannot understand why anyone, male or female, would spend more than a few mins on the toilet.

Well obviously I don't know I'm born with my DH then.

Don't really notice his poo habits as he is a ninja 5 mins absolute tops shitter. Thank God. I happen to know that he hovers (has a weird dislike of sitting on loo seats, even home clean one).

Only time he ever took longer was after having been on morphine for days with terrible back pain. He had ignored the advice of doctor to take lactose as he didn't know about morphine's constipating effect. Poor soul. Once it was over he said he thought he had just been given an insight into what childbirth must be like and I didn't get the least bit stabby about it as I think he probably had.

Take lactulose even.

My DH does this too. At 7:20 on the dot every single morning. It's like his bowels work on a schedule
I can work either way. I can shit at the speed of sound with my toddler watching me and a cat on my lap, or I take my phone, a pen, a stack of receipts, a bank statement and work my way through that for half an hour while I do a leisurely poo

Maybe it's more comfortable for men as they're taller so they can take some weight on their feet. If I have to spend too long my legs go to sleep so if it's a false alarm I go and do something else - DH just waits.

Worst is IL's house - they have an extra high toilet and I can't actually touch the ground when sitting, definitely a place to wait until it's urgent...

Exactly the same here too. Except mine goes five times a day. Work must love him lol. Or maybe he only takes the piss at home?

Can't be doing with the bloody inconsiderateness of a 45 minute poo. Any longer than 5 mins and I turn off the wifi and send the toddlers in.

Why do women take so long in public toilets? Not old ladies with mobility issues and lots of tricky clothing, younger women take what seems like hours.

Why are women caught by surprise at having to pay for things in shops? Get your purse and card out in the queue, stupid. Men do it, why can't women?

And why are people so addicted to a brickphone that they take it in the.toilet?

Dp says that it is because he thinks there might be more to come, so he waits and sees. Women won't do that, because they have tons of things to get done. So we do our business, then get up and get on with jobs/looking after children, then return to the bathroom if you get another urge to go. The man decides that the woman can do the jobs while he waits to see if he needs to go again. Fucking liberties.

Public toilets time for me is tights - getting the bloody things up without putting my fingers through them. At home or in jeans I am always out as quick as DH, in a dress and tights I'm massively slower - particularly if I had to change because I did put my fingers through them.

My DP shits for about 45 minutes if he has a laptop with him but gets it done in about 5 if he doesn't.

DH takes 10 minutes, but has 3 shits every morning, DD takes 20 minutes, DS takes 30 minutes. They just do.

toomuchtime maybe your DH is actually using this logic.
If he really is having 5 shits a day at work, he's being paid to shit