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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to genuinely ask why men need 45min to crap?

275 replies

littleoysterslittleoysters · 13/12/2016 23:04

I'm not joking. I have been married 3 years and my dh spends 45mins day on the loo. It will be announced the time has come and he is off! No questions allowed he is gone, whether we have guests or not! We have a lo now and I did say to him that he may have to cut down the time in an emergency. The answer was a shocked face!
I literally poo as fast as I wee, usually with a baby and a dog looking at me! Why do men have a god given right for this time? Or is it just my dh? I know he goes in the first few mins so what does he do the rest of the time? Does it take 40min for mens arses to close? I did ask once but what told not to question a man on the subject! Help me understand!

OP posts:
Original poster
littleoysterslittleoysters · 13/12/2016 23:28

Putsomepeasonit Noooooooooo...... Really? Why so long?

OP posts:
DonaldStott · 13/12/2016 23:28

Well I done a similar thread about this many moons ago, and was told in no uncertain terms, that dh was definitely having a wank Hmm. Which I found ridiculous, as the toilet definitely smelled of shit when he was eventually done.

Every time I say 'im jumping in the shower' dh suddenly wants a poo Angry.

I tell him if it takes half an hour to come out, surely he can hold it in for 5 minutes whilst I have a shower.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 13/12/2016 23:29

so most men have post childbirth style shits?

What does this mean?

TheLongRains · 13/12/2016 23:29

I've genuinely gone about my daily life, thinking I'm home alone with the baby, only to hear the toilet flush. Hours after assuming my husband had gone out. And it's not easy to sneak unseen into our downstairs loo, so he must go in there before I come downstairs and remain in there until some point in the middle of the afternoon... (I may be exaggerating the times, but it really can be almost an hour sometimes that I have assumed I'm alone in the house).

haveacupoftea · 13/12/2016 23:31

Yes they always do it at the most annoying times too like when youre about to leave the house or sat with MIL in a restaurant between courses Hmm

Original poster
littleoysterslittleoysters · 13/12/2016 23:31

Thats hilarious TheLongRains

OP posts:
carelesswhisper27 · 13/12/2016 23:32

Yep, as soon as we are about to leave the house or I serve a meal up he goes to the toilet; and dinner meanwhile goes cold while he sits on the toilet for 20 minutes HmmAngry

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 13/12/2016 23:32

My dh does this. Always at the worst possible time. It really gives me the rage. Nothing else matters. His shit becomes more important than me or the DC.

Putsomepeasonit · 13/12/2016 23:32

No idea, oysters Grin I didn't even know it wasn't a thing we all do til I've read this thread!

MollyRedskirts · 13/12/2016 23:34

I've tried to go man style. I can't. It feels wrong, idling there when it's all done. Plus it gives me pins and needles in my legs and I know they'd go completely numb if I stayed too long.

I don't have to 'push' either, so that's not something that would add time. I go when I feel the urge, it happens quickly, and I'm done. I poo faster than DH can wee, actually. There's the great post pee ritual of shaking and waiting for the last drops to come out, which takes a few minutes.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 13/12/2016 23:34

This actually came up in conversation at a party we were at (my DH is also a luxury shitter although denies he is ever longer than 5 mins). Apparently (some) men are obsessed with getting dangleberries so like to wait to make sure there's nothing else to come Confused

WordsAreWind · 13/12/2016 23:34

It's either a physiological difference or a learned behaviour.

Could be both - Nature and Nurture Grin

PaulineFowlersGrowler · 13/12/2016 23:34

decaf after I had my DC I was told by the midwife not to strain and instead elevate my legs, take deep breaths and let to poo drop out. They even gave me a leaflet on correct pooing technique. I assumed this was the advice given to everyone?

Original poster
littleoysterslittleoysters · 13/12/2016 23:34

The question I am really asking is can I expect him to change? It gives me the rage!

OP posts:
SittingAround1 · 13/12/2016 23:35

Haha my OH does this mainly in the evening. He will ask if OK to go to the toilet, I used to to think it odd he asked but in fact it's because he likes to ensure he won't be disturbed.
I've never timed him but it feels like he's in there for absolutely ages.
I'm pretty sure he's definitely pooing in there and nothing else but maybe I'm wrong.

Original poster
littleoysterslittleoysters · 13/12/2016 23:36

dangleberries? I thought sheep only got these....

OP posts:
70sDinnerPartyClassic · 13/12/2016 23:36

Lonhrains that's happened to me too! I am reading some of these out to him. He is not amused :D

RedNailsAndRedDress · 13/12/2016 23:37

Dangleberries?????????

Solina · 13/12/2016 23:37

It may just take longer for some. I take a long time but its because of stomach issues mainly. I have to wake up 30mins earlier than I want to just for this... wish I could just be done and dusted in less than 5 mins so I could sleep longer. Hate having to go at work too... :(

My DP takes less time...

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 13/12/2016 23:39

Molly yy and also don't you end up sitting there in your own stink?

Is it something to do with women having a better sense of smell? So we have more impetus to make it quick and leave.

musicposy · 13/12/2016 23:39

DH does this and I've been over 20 years trying to get him to explain it to me. I've said surely it can't take so long - you feel the need to poo, you go to the loo, poo comes out, done. He doesn't seem to think that's how it happens but he can't really explain why. Best answer I can get is that he does need to go but it takes a while to happen Confused.

We only have one loo so it's infuriating.

And also - he comes in from work and goes straight to the loo for a 30 minute dump! Why can't he leave it at work?

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 13/12/2016 23:41

I've done it all my life. I can crap in anything between 5 minutes up to over an hour.

I put some, not all, of it down to differing diets between men and women.
Women tend to put in less son have less to get out.

Some women eat less fat and sugar and such as to what men eat, big greasy fry ups for example tend to be a 'man thing' so on and so forth.

But mostly, I think it's just that men are for more full of shit than women.
Grin

justinelibertine · 13/12/2016 23:44

It is the annoucement of, "I am going to do a poo.", that annoys me most. Don't tell me. As if we need to be ruled by his very important ablutions.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 13/12/2016 23:44

He won't change. I cringe when I see DH marching into loo with his newspaper under his arm. The thought of him sitting there, trousers round ankles, reading away whilst waiting for the drop. I just try to block it from my mind now. He knows I hate it so tries to wait til I've left for work or pretends to be running a bath or something.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 13/12/2016 23:48

I heard it said this is because men have a prostate.

So, it's, erm, nice.

you know.