AIBU to genuinely ask why men need 45min to crap?

[littleoysterslittleoysters]

I'm not joking. I have been married 3 years and my dh spends 45mins day on the loo. It will be announced the time has come and he is off! No questions allowed he is gone, whether we have guests or not! We have a lo now and I did say to him that he may have to cut down the time in an emergency. The answer was a shocked face!
I literally poo as fast as I wee, usually with a baby and a dog looking at me! Why do men have a god given right for this time? Or is it just my dh? I know he goes in the first few mins so what does he do the rest of the time? Does it take 40min for mens arses to close? I did ask once but what told not to question a man on the subject! Help me understand!

JustCallMeKate that was brilliant wonders where can borrow small screaming twins

Santas, that is my dad, he does exactly the same every single time we go out even now. It must be the mentality as he only rushes back the moment we are all out at the door.

As an owner of a prostate. I am delighted to tell you all that I can perform all three S' s and be back in the room in fifteen minutes! This includes hair washing and dressing. I don't want to spend time in the loo reading or on my phone. Do I get a prize?

Lostpangolin please accept this award of the Golden Turd. You are an example to your sex

Having spent medical school learning more than I could ever have wanted to know about poo-ing, I can confirm that there is no physiological or anatomical reason why men can't poo as fast as women. A point I make regularly to Mr Shinynewusername

Oh, thank you shiny, unfortunately I hadn't prepared an acceptance speech. Perhaps a new career awaits, training recalcitrant pooers to get a shift on?

Congratulations Lostpangolin! Are you the pangolin or have you lost one?

My DH started to take less time once he stopped smoking joints in there, now he has a desktop vapourizer and he can't take it in there he is in 15mins max, although he does sometimes read the paper and take a bit longer.

Santas, that is my dad, he does exactly the same every single time we go out even now. It must be the mentality as he only rushes back the moment we are all out at the door.

Throughout my childhood - car all packed up for going on holiday, house locked up, me and mum in the car. Dad gets in... Hen says "just need to nip back inside" and he goes back inside for a shit for the next 20 mins whilst me and mum sit waiting in the car!

Open widow wide, sit down, poo, wipe, wipe, flush, wash hands. Seven mins max. I'm a bloke !

Typo , not widow, that would be really bad !

45 minutes is commendable, I get pins n needles after 25 minutes

My DH does this too - worst time is when he gets home from work and I'm about to put the DC in the bath. Ugh. I need to install a door that unlocks and opens after 5 mins.

Hide newspapers and magazines. As soon as he shuts loo door, sneakily turn iff the wifi.

bathsheba neither! I just like the look of a walking pine cone and imagine they get lost

Perhaps he needs this long because he's full of shit?

My DP thankfully is a nippy pooer albeit frequent.. lucky as we only have one toilet. The other men in the family have always taken their time though! I think it's just to get a bit of peace and have chance to read the paper etc.

pangolin

Judging by the smell emanating from the throne room after my DH has been - I think it's more. 15 minutes to have the shit, pass out from the smell for 10 minutes and then 5 minutes to recover and revel in smell created....... now....why is it that men ALWAYS wait until you're about to decant small children/dogs/cats rest of world into car to go anywhere - even if it's the food shop 20 minutes down the road before than announcing that they need to go - and not for a slash either.....without fail.....no matter what f-ing time of day or day itself............

Gosh, I now realise how lucky I am that my DH is a 5 minute crap man. For those of you with 45-minute crappers might I suggest a special Christmas gift - the Squatty Potty

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3685915/Would-help-loo-Squatty-Potty-footstool-puts-legs-natural-squatting-position-making-bowel-movements-easier-pass.html

Warning, graphic advert:

hmmmm summary:

(1) The "nothing box" - search and watch and listen to "two brains" on line
(2) Escaping from everyone in the house.
(3) Practical - instead of going for a pee or a poo when out and about - go and check before you leave?
(4) not true that women do not have long poos and wees - GF goes to toilet and surfs internet for 20mins - 40mins (FB, Imessenge, skyp) - so not only men, DH's of BF's.
(5) Unless it is a routine contact time........ ???!!!
(6) so yes possibly also a personal time management - issue...
(7) I can understand that if only one toilet in the house - queues are likely!! Consider this when buying a house!! We have three! for 6 people!
7- good reasons - for extended pooing time

brilliant! - hhhhhhh :)

Only just caught up with this, but I have to say I am genuinely astonished about the number of people who take their phones to the toilet. That's probably what the mostly younger women who take a huge amount of time in public toilets are doing, while everyone else waits cross legged in the queue.

And at home, with men, they are almost certainly going to a peaceful sit down to escape family life. The women in their lives need to start handing over DCs and going for their own tit for tat luxury shits. Maybe if it started being counted as leisure time, these selfish men might hurry up a bit?

Obviously anyone with health issues is excused, but it's just so bloody selfish to hog the toilet to avoid household chores or childcare, or while others are waiting in public toilets.

I give you this

Just throwing a spanner in the works here
I hope everyone is keeping their rear end clinically clean, like I do

[whistles]
starts whole new debate then runs away