To wonder why hardly anyone keeps the gender of their baby a surprise until the birth anymore?

[Kel1234]

First of all let me say that this is not a judgemental post at all. I know that it's a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide if they would like to find out the sex or not.
However I truly do not understand why so many people actually want to know. People asking others to guess what they are having from the scan pictures, and people even calling the 20 week scan 'a gender scan' as though the main reason for it is finding out the sex, even though it's not. Then there is the lengths people will go to reveal it as well - these 'gender reveal parties'.
I know some of the reasons are: people don't want to wait 9 months when they don't have to, they want to decorate the nursery (my lo doesn't have a nursery because we don't want him in his own room yet), they want to know if things they have from previous children can be used for the new baby. Also because they want to get everything ready, and want to buy gender specific things before the birth.
I think it's just as easy to get neutral things before the birth, and then simply keep the money aside and then get everything else after the baby is born. (Obviously I know that not everyone will be able to do that though). But that's what I did, got neutral clothes and crib bedding, and the pram and car seat were neutral (I preferred that), then I kept the money separate and went and got the rest of the stuff afterwards.
If you want a gender specific nursery it may be more difficult to wait though.
Having a preference for a specific sex could be another reason, but even so what can you do about it? I had a very strong preference for a girl, but had a boy.
I know another reason is baby showers (personally i hate them, I never had one and would never dream of having one), but for those who do want one you can have neutral ones.
As I said I'm not one to judge anyone, but I am genuinely wondering why people are so keen to find out before instead of waiting until the birth. Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest. Rather than be told "it's a girl/ boy" during the scan and then be given a picture to go home with.
I simply couldn't imagine not waiting. I had no desire to know at all, I never considered it, even for a split second. And I was so glad I waited. Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

It is a surprise when you are told at your scan. It is a surprise whenever you are told.
You sound judgemental.

Do you want a medal or something OP for waiting?

Couldn't give a fuck what you think, we'll find out early.

Cos some people don't like surprises. We found out because my hubby is a planner And hates surprises. We wanted to know as much as we could as he likes to be as prepared as possible. We still bought gender neural stuff as we know there can be mistakes. But for him surprises are not good things, they are things to stress about.

Why do you give a shit about what other people do....if they like to find out before the birth it isn't harming anyone. Don't make the assumption that how you do things is the way it should be done and get a life

What's the difference? Why is one way more special than the other?

The only reason people never used to find out is because even 30 years ago you didn't routinely get scanned and so wouldn't have the opportunity.

Because they don't feel it spoils anything?

I've done both: waited with dd, found out with ds. Didn't make any difference: I was just as excited both times. The big excitement was about meeting my new baby.

As for the gender, that was quite exciting too, but no less exciting for being on a different date. I don't have to save my Christmas presents for my birthday to make my birthday more special.

SO why did I find out with ds? No particular reason, I'm not much of a pink/blue person and far too lazy to decorate a nursery. I was curious, it felt like something I wanted to do at the time, I just felt like it.

you do sound a little judgemental. What makes you think waiting is the right way to go about it? Just because you couldn't imagine it, other people probably can't imagine not finding out.

You've stated a lot of the reasons people choose to find out in your post.

We also live in a time of instant gratification and information being immediately accessible - I guess it's just a changing mindset.

Why is a surprise a good thing though?

I had no desire to know at all

That's why you waited. Your position is a lot more unusual, really.

Finding out whether it's a boy or a girl is a surprise at any point; I should imagine that first moment of holding your new baby is exciting whether or not you already knew. Knowing will help a lot of people feel closer to the baby and prepare - and we live in an information age; most people like to know as much as possible.

Regardless; it's no more or less special to be told at a scan or at the birth; there's no right or wrong as to whether to find out. Your post sounds really judgemental of those who find out.

As for life's greatest surprises... well; it's not really a surprise, everyone else knows. It'd be like ordering a new car but getting the shop staff to decide which one, so it was a surprise. Regardless, there are reasons to know. Planning, getting exciting, helping people feel involved, picking names, being aware of genetic conditions that only affect certain chromosomes, getting used to the idea of a new little boy/little girl, getting siblings ready... Or just wanting to know. That's a fine reason on it's own.

I found out what sex both of mine were at the 20 week scan.

And it was still a lovely surprise then.

I think I'm one of those people who has no delayed gratification mechanism. I don't mind reading spoilers and have been known to skip to the end of a book if I want to know what happens.

I guess I'm just nosy and impatient??

But knowing the sex helped me feel a lot closer to the babies. We chose names early on and it was like they were already part of the family.

And for what it's worth, people in the olden days used all sorts of unscientific ways of finding out if they were expecting a boy or a girl. Peeing on different types of grain to see which grew, doing weird rites by moonlight.

I found out with both.

There isn't a lot of gender neutral clothing anymore. Not if you want a variety of things.

So it's easier to find out. Besides I wanted to. It's no one else's business is it?

I agree op. Waiting on both occasions until the birth was absolutely right for me. Virtually everyone else I know found out at 20 weeks, which was right for them. They tended to be people who like planning and organising and wanted to buy pink/ blue stuff in preparation. I genuinely had no desire to do this as it actually annoys me that babies face a wall of pink/ blue from birth. People were always very surprised when I told them I wasn't finding out. It was lovely to be told by dh at their birth whether it was a boy or girl - an active role he could have in the labour, along with cutting the chord. Lovely.

Whether you know the sex or not you haven't met your baby.

So it's still a surprise.

Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

And spoil? Really?

What a nasty thing to say, I can't imagine anyone thought their baby's birth was spoilt because they already knew the sex.

I hate surprises and there is enough to stress about during pregnancy. At the minute i'm less like oooh lets pick names and more like what the fuck am I going to call this baby if its a boy?

Plus giving birth is overwhelming as it is you can hardly blame people for wanting to be prepared i dont want go shopping after the birth. I want to spend that time at home resting, me and my baby, not trekking around Mothercare.

I had a child growing inside my body and I wanted to know if it was a boy or girl, for me it was that simple! Why is that difficult to understand?

I still had the "surprise" element at my scan when they told me the sex.

I found out with all of mine and it didn't detract from the surprise at all, it was as much of a surprise at 20wks as it was at 40wks. For me the excitement was in I wonder who he/she will look like, how much they weigh, will they have hair and what colour, and so on.

You realise it's a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks or at birth right? Why does it matter when you're surprised?

We found out on Christmas Eve at a private scan. It was absolutely magical and I can't believe finding out after what turned out to be a five day labour and emergency delivery would have been more special.

For someone who claims not to be judging, there's an awful lot of judging going on in your OP.

I found out with both. I needed the confirmation I would have a DD and the time to get used to it.

It was a surprise at the scan. Both times at the scan I was so pleased my children were healthy and finding out the sex was amazing so I cried.

The births were no less exciting because I knew the sex. Plus I'm not keen on much of the gender neutral clothes around, I wanted the excitement of buying the clothes I liked while I was pregnant. As it happened I had an EMCS with my first and was so utterly traumatised afterwards that I would have been in no fit state to go shopping after that. One of my joys in the first few weeks and months was looking through the clothes I had to hand that I already loved and picking an outfit every day.

Like many other people I also like to plan. I liked having a name picked, everything decorated etc.

I think it is just one of those things people have very strong feelings about either way - they either want to know or not. Personally I would definitely find out (can't bloody wait but hasn't happened yet) - partly because I would be DYING TO KNOW as I'm an impatient sort.

The other part is because I do have a strong preference for a sex, even though I know that's a bit daft cause you get what you're "given", but I would like to have my three minutes of disappointment and get excited about the other sex in advance; I wouldn't want to have that tiny 'oh. well then.' feeling when someone's putting my spanking new baby in my arms.

(And yes I know I'm totally unreasonable for knowing I'll be a tiny bit disappointed but I am what I am. I have a plan to get over myself )

You also answered your own question in your op. People want to decorate the nursery (even if baby doesn't sleep there at first it's easier to have it done before baby arrives surely?), they want to know if they can re-use stuff from previous baby, they may find the selection of gender neutral clothing a bit samey and boring. Or maybe, just maybe they might want to know sooner rather than later just because that's what they want.

All are perfectly valid reasons. As are yours for choosing not to find out.

I'm not really getting the point of your post really, you say you're not judging but it does come across like you are actually.

People spend your entire pregnancy asking you what you're having
Hardly surprising everyone knows.
YABU.

I waited with both my DC, but couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone else does, up to the individual as you say OP.

I didn't think you sounded judgemental until your last sentence.