To wonder why hardly anyone keeps the gender of their baby a surprise until the birth anymore?

[Kel1234]

First of all let me say that this is not a judgemental post at all. I know that it's a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide if they would like to find out the sex or not.
However I truly do not understand why so many people actually want to know. People asking others to guess what they are having from the scan pictures, and people even calling the 20 week scan 'a gender scan' as though the main reason for it is finding out the sex, even though it's not. Then there is the lengths people will go to reveal it as well - these 'gender reveal parties'.
I know some of the reasons are: people don't want to wait 9 months when they don't have to, they want to decorate the nursery (my lo doesn't have a nursery because we don't want him in his own room yet), they want to know if things they have from previous children can be used for the new baby. Also because they want to get everything ready, and want to buy gender specific things before the birth.
I think it's just as easy to get neutral things before the birth, and then simply keep the money aside and then get everything else after the baby is born. (Obviously I know that not everyone will be able to do that though). But that's what I did, got neutral clothes and crib bedding, and the pram and car seat were neutral (I preferred that), then I kept the money separate and went and got the rest of the stuff afterwards.
If you want a gender specific nursery it may be more difficult to wait though.
Having a preference for a specific sex could be another reason, but even so what can you do about it? I had a very strong preference for a girl, but had a boy.
I know another reason is baby showers (personally i hate them, I never had one and would never dream of having one), but for those who do want one you can have neutral ones.
As I said I'm not one to judge anyone, but I am genuinely wondering why people are so keen to find out before instead of waiting until the birth. Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest. Rather than be told "it's a girl/ boy" during the scan and then be given a picture to go home with.
I simply couldn't imagine not waiting. I had no desire to know at all, I never considered it, even for a split second. And I was so glad I waited. Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

We only wanted to find out with ds as we had agreed on a girl name but not a boy one, so knowing he would be a boy meant we kept thinking. Also as I used to study developmental biology, I was able to tell just by looking at the scan and it wouldn't be fair for DP not to know. Didn't tell anyone else until later.

Same logic with dd, concluding "thank goodness we don't need to argue over a name again".

I felt a lot more like I had a person inside me once they had names. Didn't tell many people as I didn't want gendered baby stuff.

We waited for our first. Going to wait for our second too. Can see why people want to know though. I like the suspense personally.

We found out and it really helped with the reality of it -- particularly for DH who was always a bit iffy about the whole having-a-kid thing. It really helped me ground my imaginative thinking about the future and, then, giving the traumatic nature of DD's birth, it was good to at least not still be waiting to find out.

Plus, I don't like surprises normally, even "good" surprises. The concept of 'spoiling' a surprise doesn't exist for me - I'd think of it more as 'preparing', even if it was something like a big gift and so on. In fact, jumping something like that on me as a 'surprise' makes it just a little bit bad. In my mind, such 'surprises' are really only for the person giving the surprise to see the recipient's (hopefully positive) reaction. That doesn't even make sense in the concept of a baby. I don't think all the surgeons standing around me at my daughter's birth cared if I was finding out for the first time or not.

My husband and I wanted to find out due to the pregnancy feeling very stressful and anxious due to loss. It felt extremely special being at the point where they could tell us we were having a daughter, and we couldn't be happier.

Oh, and I could care less about nursery colours and gendered clothing. We even considered keeping it a secret to avoid gendered gifts, but decided to tell everyone and warn them away from pink. Resulted in only 50% rather than 100% pink gifts, so it worked, I think...

because they couldn't care less if is a surprise for other people or not.

*couldn't

Having said that, when we sold our house, the buyers came in and she was obviously pregnant. I said 'Oh a little one on the way'. They said immediately, we had never met before, it's a little boy! I thought that weird, but said oh how lovely!

Because the sonographer will know, the hospital will know, and the thought of strangers knowing when I didn't and it was my bloody baby would have driven me nuts. Also, childbirth was not a magical time for me, I'd rather find out at a time when I actually give a monkey's.

So the stereotyping can begin even before birth.

Some of us are carriers to gentic conditions that affect only one sex.
I had cvs in all my pregnancys due to this so i found out the sex at about 12 weeks and it never stopped the excitement of meeting my new baby.

I didn't want to know but my DH really really did and so we found out at the 20wk scan. Looking back I think this has done no harm and actually has had a positive impact in that we have been able to; narrow down names, mentally picture our little family, and form a very close bond with her before she was even here. DD is now 1wk and 1day old and we both feel that we have 'known' her for a lot longer than that. That's my experience anyway.

Actually, I did tell my dad, who was dying, that I was expecting a little boy. So pleased I was told in retrospect.

Surely the question should be why do people choose not to find out when the information is available? The sonographer knows anyway. What's the advantage in not finding out information about your baby which is available to you?

I bought gender neutral first size clothes, didn't decorate a nursery for the birth and had a neutral pram/car seat. I have never had a gender reveal party or a baby shower.

I still found out. I found out because it was exciting and it was still a surprise, just one discovered at 20 weeks in stead of 40 (ish). Finding out was a nice way for us to mark that half way point and make it seem more real.

I also take the news as an indication not as fact because you don't know for sure until you see the baby.

Our first was stillborn so we didn't want any surprises with the next.

To add, when people asked if we knew if she was a boy or a girl, if always say yes, that we knew. I'd then ask if they wanted to know as some people absolutely didn't want to know before she was here.

mum2Bomg Congratulations!

Spikeyball I'm so sorry

Elendon - thank you! She's magic!

How wonderfully judgemental.

After 4 miscarriages I wanted to know what my little bean was. I needed to know to make sense of it all, to feel like it was going to be real. None of your fucking concern though is it?

Spikey

Found out because I wanted to, no other reason. It passed off my Mil, she's judgemental too.