To wonder why hardly anyone keeps the gender of their baby a surprise until the birth anymore?

[Kel1234]

First of all let me say that this is not a judgemental post at all. I know that it's a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide if they would like to find out the sex or not.
However I truly do not understand why so many people actually want to know. People asking others to guess what they are having from the scan pictures, and people even calling the 20 week scan 'a gender scan' as though the main reason for it is finding out the sex, even though it's not. Then there is the lengths people will go to reveal it as well - these 'gender reveal parties'.
I know some of the reasons are: people don't want to wait 9 months when they don't have to, they want to decorate the nursery (my lo doesn't have a nursery because we don't want him in his own room yet), they want to know if things they have from previous children can be used for the new baby. Also because they want to get everything ready, and want to buy gender specific things before the birth.
I think it's just as easy to get neutral things before the birth, and then simply keep the money aside and then get everything else after the baby is born. (Obviously I know that not everyone will be able to do that though). But that's what I did, got neutral clothes and crib bedding, and the pram and car seat were neutral (I preferred that), then I kept the money separate and went and got the rest of the stuff afterwards.
If you want a gender specific nursery it may be more difficult to wait though.
Having a preference for a specific sex could be another reason, but even so what can you do about it? I had a very strong preference for a girl, but had a boy.
I know another reason is baby showers (personally i hate them, I never had one and would never dream of having one), but for those who do want one you can have neutral ones.
As I said I'm not one to judge anyone, but I am genuinely wondering why people are so keen to find out before instead of waiting until the birth. Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest. Rather than be told "it's a girl/ boy" during the scan and then be given a picture to go home with.
I simply couldn't imagine not waiting. I had no desire to know at all, I never considered it, even for a split second. And I was so glad I waited. Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

*didn't not disintegrated!

Your own OP list 7 possible reasons why people might find out. So why are you asking the question? other than to just be goady

i didn't find out with any of mine, I don't like knowing what others are having either- i feel iit's less exciting (in a way under usual circs- I have friends/ family who've had to prepare themselves because of personal tragedies for one sex or another, I absolutely get why they would do it).

I don't like being told the baby is a boy and will be called Dave or whatever in advance.

i quite like DH telling me what we've had each time. It's a nice moment for him to tell me whether we have a son or a daughter.

I didn't find out with my eldest only because at 17 weeks I was told he was unlikely to be alive.
Thankfully he was but it made me not want to bond, so not knowing what sex he was made me not feel attached (obviously when he was finally here safe and well things changed).
With my others I found out because we wanted to, not for any other reason.

Saying this is not judgmental does not negate a post being judgmental. HTH.

For what's it's worth I agree with you OP.

I didn't find out and it was really important for me not to know. I can't put my finger on why. I felt like I wanted to carry a secret, even from myself. At the scan they never asked if I wanted know and it never occurred to me to ask. This was over 10 years ago.

However, amoungst my peers there were a few who didn't know, but most people did. It didn't bother me at all. Why should it? I did enjoy a bit of guessing though

We had a 'surprise' with DC1. I was young, naive, and thought it would be romantic. I daydreamed over that climactic moment when my baby would be handed to me with triumphant, 'It's a boy/girl!'

Then I actually went through childbirth. I forgot I was having a baby. My brain just went into a weird state where I thought I was being tortured, so when the midwife announced, It's a boy!', I didn't give a shit.

Fifteen minutes later, I was over the moon with my gorgeous little baby, but I didn't bother waiting to find out the sex again. It was great, knowing early. I could prepare the children for their new sibling, get the nursery ready, buy clothes, not argue over names as it was sorted, and really picture who was coming. Plus DH can't handle the suspense of a surprise, so better for us all round to know.

sleepy16 that's how I felt with the most difficult pregnancies too & tbh I had a really tough time bonding with the baby that did survive (my fabulous now 7yo dd) because I'd been so sure that I wouldn't end up with a baby. I had the whoosh of love & recognition with all the others, with her it was more of a generic oh wow it's a baby ... eeek!

FWIW, I wanted to know. I don't like surprises, so waiting was not really an option for me. I wanted to know, and I can't see why anyone else what other parent's choose to do.

Seeing as only three people knew that I was pregnant before I posted that my son had been born, the surprise was not really a big deal,

OP hasn't been back I expect this will be the subject of a radio phone-in/ daily mail article in the next few days.

I lost my first baby through a MMC and found it really hard to bond with this one. Knowing she is a little girl has made it so much more real and we even picked her name, totally by chance on the way home from the private scan we had at 16 weeks. For me this way worked and I certainly don't feel that any surprise was ruined.

Next baby I might want to do it differently but either way I won't be writing a long and judgemental post about other people's choices which actually don't impact me at all.

oh yes & with older siblings to prepare (especially autistic ones as in my case) know the baby's sex before birth can be helpful. So there's another reason for you OP.

It didn't matter to you if you knew, and it didn't matter to me that that I did know - in fact, the fact that it would help me narrow down the name list tips the balance for me..

To be honest, it was nice to know ahead aswell because I had other things on my mind at the time they made their entrances too!

our reason was multicultural family background. while i couldn't care less about gender (no
preference whatsoever), finding a name that we line, the whole family can pronounce and that doesn't have unpleasant connotations in one or more languages/cultures is difficult! knowing the gender makes it easier ( we don't do gendered clothing, and dresses are only used for older girls in my culture - babies wear trousers/babygriws/shorts - showing a nappy or pants us considered quite rude)

Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

Don't be a pillock. That's being deliberately obtuse and more than a little bit goady.

I'm one of the very few on here who appear to be with you OP.

That could be an age thing though as when we had DS1, they didn't tell you.
I think we could have asked with DS2 but didn't.
With DS3, it was becoming much more common, but again we didn't want to know.
Baby clothes/bedroom/pushchair etc were all pretty much gender neutral - that's hardly difficult is it after all.

Would it have been different with the third baby if we already had one of each sex? Maybe, but I doubt it (we went in to the pregnancy assuming it would be another boy).

I generally like surprises (Christmas/birthdays etc) and think it was nice for the older boys to find out after it was born.

What a bizarre post. Can you really not understand that other people have different ideas and make different choices than you?
I didn't find out with my first three (all 19+) years ago, but did with my younger two.
Nothing was spoilt or less special.

I found out with dc's 1, 3 and 5 but had a surprise with dc2 and dc4. If I had anymore dc I would find out, mainly because I had a crash section with dc5 so wasn't the magical moment that I'd anticipated. I remember fondly being told he was a boy at the 20 week scan though.

I never wanted to find out. Then my first few pregnancies ended in early losses. Then on my pregnancy with DS1 there were complications up until 20 weeks and we didn't think he was going to make it. I felt very detached from the pregnancy and eventually a healthcare professional suggested we find out to help me "bond" since I was still talking about "if the baby is okay". We did and it really helped us and made me feel like I may actually get to hold my little boy at last. His birth was still one of the best moments in my life. We didn't tell anyone else until he was here safely.

We found out at 20 weeks on DS2 and again didn't tell anyone else. It was such a lovely secret to have - just me and DH.

But greenshadow you just related that totally to your own experience, rather than pondering why everyone in the world is not like you. So not sure you really are agreeing with the OP.

I found out with both of mine - I'm not very patient plus I think the birth is special enough and it's nice to spread out the little exciting moments.

Also first dd was with exh - he strongly wanted a boy and sulked for a couple of days when we found out she was a girl - very glad that was over with and he'd come round to the idea by the time she was born - would have been awful if he'd reacted badly at the birth

I didn't find out the sex of ds before he was born. But I don't care that most people do either tbh. And tbf no one other than my ex, our families and about 3 other people knew I was pregnant anyway.

The midwife let me and ex look first to see what he was which was amazing but isn't the birth of a baby pretty amazing anyway?!

Also, a close friend had a stillbirth and said she was glad to have found out the sex beforehand as it made her feel as though she knew him a little longer.

I just think each to their own and finding out or not finding out doesn't harm anyone.

I didn't realise people judged others for their choice over this!

I found out with all mine because we wanted to. Simple as that really!

it's just a personal preference, I wanted to know with both mine with the first because I am impatient and wanted to get colours, and boys or in my case girls clothes, and with my 2nd I wanted to know because I had lots of baby clothes I kept from my first girl, so I wanted to know wether to keep them or get boys clothes and just keep the whites, creams and yellows etc. but that's just my choice, I have friends that didn't want to know and found out at the birth, as for gender parties etc that just baffles me, I also don't really get baby showers either but I don't hate on people that want to do those things, it's their choice not my place to judge.