To wonder why hardly anyone keeps the gender of their baby a surprise until the birth anymore?

[Kel1234]

First of all let me say that this is not a judgemental post at all. I know that it's a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide if they would like to find out the sex or not.
However I truly do not understand why so many people actually want to know. People asking others to guess what they are having from the scan pictures, and people even calling the 20 week scan 'a gender scan' as though the main reason for it is finding out the sex, even though it's not. Then there is the lengths people will go to reveal it as well - these 'gender reveal parties'.
I know some of the reasons are: people don't want to wait 9 months when they don't have to, they want to decorate the nursery (my lo doesn't have a nursery because we don't want him in his own room yet), they want to know if things they have from previous children can be used for the new baby. Also because they want to get everything ready, and want to buy gender specific things before the birth.
I think it's just as easy to get neutral things before the birth, and then simply keep the money aside and then get everything else after the baby is born. (Obviously I know that not everyone will be able to do that though). But that's what I did, got neutral clothes and crib bedding, and the pram and car seat were neutral (I preferred that), then I kept the money separate and went and got the rest of the stuff afterwards.
If you want a gender specific nursery it may be more difficult to wait though.
Having a preference for a specific sex could be another reason, but even so what can you do about it? I had a very strong preference for a girl, but had a boy.
I know another reason is baby showers (personally i hate them, I never had one and would never dream of having one), but for those who do want one you can have neutral ones.
As I said I'm not one to judge anyone, but I am genuinely wondering why people are so keen to find out before instead of waiting until the birth. Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest. Rather than be told "it's a girl/ boy" during the scan and then be given a picture to go home with.
I simply couldn't imagine not waiting. I had no desire to know at all, I never considered it, even for a split second. And I was so glad I waited. Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest.

There is nothing in the world that could have made holding my babies for the first time MORE special so knob off with that idea. A tuxedoed Michael Buble could have been serenading me with Christmas songs and popping truffles into my mouth and I wouldn't have noticed/cared. I was flying. I visited cloud 9. I wasn't thinking "oooh this would be better if I'd left the sex as a surprise". Find out or don't find out but don't suggest one way is more special. You can't make it more special.

I wanted to know with all of mine but didn't find out because other people stopped me. For the first three, the hospital had a policy of not allowing parents to find out. The last two were because my husband made a huge fuss about not wanting to know and not wanting me to know either. I thought he was being a massive arse but with the last one especially I was more concerned with stuff like surviving the pregnancy to bother fighting about it.

A lot of fuss is made about it being a surprise. It's almost always one of two things- how surprising can that possibly be? If the midwife had said "Congratulations, it's a koala!" then THAT would have been a surprise.

Each to their own.

TBH, you sound like one of those parents who believes they are the first people ever to have a baby, and only their way can ever be right.

Unclench a bit, I would.

I didn't bother because I've known a few get told wrongly ( even recently ) Even with amino, you are not guaranteed the result is accurate. Particularly if you are having a girl, as they can't be certain that they aren't testing your DNA, not the babies.

It doesn't bother me what others do. However, I have noticed that I'm not as excited with the news of birth when I already know what someone is having.

You don't want to come across as judgemental but you are judgemental, your whole post is basically saying in a roundabout way that people shouldn't find out because you didn't find out and trying to find ways of vetoing people's reasons for finding out.
Some people want to know, that's all, it doesn't matter why, that's just what they want.

I found out each time....I felt more mentally prepared knowing what I was having.

I couldn't care less what other parents do, though I can't bear the idea of 'gender reveal parties'.

I'm surprised why anyone waits to find out. I love finding out, the baby is named, I get all the stuff ready etc.

I have never, ever seen someone in the UK doing a reveal. I think that is more of a US tradition.

I didn't have any reasons why I found out at the scan. I just wanted to. As simple as that. HTH.

Gender reveals are just one of those those people like to huff and puff about but which rarely happen and don't bother anyone else if they do.

I didn't find out with my first, but found out at fourteen weeks with my second (I had CVS due to a high risk of problems). I wanted to know as my mum had terminal cancer and we didn't know how long she had. I'm glad I found out, and she was able to know she had another granddaughter, and knew her name, before she died.

I don't have a problem with other people wanting to know, but I did have a problem with the ultrasound tech who did my 20 scan with my first. She had a horrible attitude with us until she found out we didn't want to know the sex, then completely changed her tune. If you work somewhere that offers people the chance to find out the gender, then you shouldn't have an attitude with people that want to find it out.

Wow, judgy!

We've found out, but not told anyone else. I feel much more bonded with the baby for knowing, and it is helping me to prepare. The weekend of my 20 week scan was lovely, scan on the Friday, I woke up so excited in the night knowing the scan had gone well and the baby was as healthy as the scan could tell, and went and bought a pack of babygros on the Saturday, and a little outfit at the baby show on the Sunday. After multiple IVF cycles and miscarriages that was the first time I felt excited, and being able to think of my baby as him/ her definitely helped.

I found out with all of mine including one 32 years ago (that wasn't usual at my hospital, but I was having additional tests)

For the 'surprise' wasn't about finding out the gender..it was getting to the end in one piece with a healthy baby. It was something to look forward to when I spent a lot of my pregnancies dealing with problems with new one cropping up all along

A friend if mine was told it was a girl and she got all the stuff ready, and it was a boy. She really struggled with it actually. I can't imagine having to get my head around that!

Because a woman's body is not like a Christmas Cracker where you have to wait and see your surprise.

Quite frankly after about 35 weeks I didn't care, I just wanted them to be healthy, safe and well.

Gendered clothing and nursery colours .....................

I've done both. Waited twice, found out once, lovely surprise both times.

I went to my 12 week scan and they said they could tell the sex. I had had a previous miscarriage so I was quite concerned with how the baby was doing and I hadn't expected to be able to find out that early so hadn't thought about it so just said yes. There's no information about my baby that I wouldn't have wanted to know, sex is just another thing.

Neither DP or I are into overly gendered things so we wouldn't have decorated anything differently or bought different sleepsuits either way. It made thinking of names a bit easier though.

If you want to wait it's your choice but the sex wasn't a big thing for us - if they could have told us eye colour we would have said yes, just another nice detail to know about the baby. I highly doubt anyone who has just given birth and is holding their baby for the first time is disappointed that they found out the sex. I'm actually welling up thinking of that moment right now, 1 year on. I don't think I could have felt any more in that moment, had the sex been a surprise, I don't think I would have even bothered to ask at that point, I was just glad the pushing was over!

Haha, really OP?
"This is not a judgmental post, but in this post, I'm going to judge:

• people who don't co-sleep
• people who don't buy 'neutral' bedding
• people who have baby showers
• people who don't enjoy surprises in the exact same way I do"

Because after waiting so long to even get pregnant i wanted to know what i was having, didnt care if boy or girl just wanted to choose a name, bond with her better and no way could i have waited 9 months. Amazing gift to be told at 20 weeks and i could image her. Each to their own.

Don't care what others do. But I never found out with mine - wasn't bothered either way. Although secretly wanted a boy and I got two!!

I waited all 3 times...felt it added to the magic esp after labour.

I didn't care a jot regarding the first pregnancy. Girl. Wasn't allowed to ask in the second pregnancy because of the area in London in which I lived but hoped it would be a girl. It was. Really, at the end, all I wanted was to meet the little baby that had been living inside me for 9 (and plus for the second) months.

Asked for my third pregnancy, as I no longer lived in London. Boy. What a delight to know that! Kept it secret between ourselves. But the name was picked out well before he arrived. Still when he was born, I felt exactly the same as with my two daughters. It was a delight and surprise to meet him.

I found out because I was really unwell and constantly vomiting and was hospitalised etc. I was unable to stand up without being dizzy and was unable to work or eat for months. It was a very lonely and depressing experience, so I found out to help me bond with the baby, and it definitely helped.

My DH didn't want to know, but went along with me because I was suffering so much. He has since said that he loved finding out and would like to do so second time round.

We got everything gender neutral anyway, because I want to be able to use it for baby number 2.

I don't think I would have found out if I'd have had an easy pregnancy.

Yanbu op. I didn't want to find out which was weird because I'm nosey and impatient normally. But the idea of knowing beforehand was just unappealing. Besides, there is nothing worse than having everything gendered, right down to the changing mat.
I've also been at two births where the sonographer got the sex wrong... That would have been really hard for me.

I don't know why, but parents who do find out are oddly defensive about it.