To wonder why hardly anyone keeps the gender of their baby a surprise until the birth anymore?

[Kel1234]

First of all let me say that this is not a judgemental post at all. I know that it's a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide if they would like to find out the sex or not.
However I truly do not understand why so many people actually want to know. People asking others to guess what they are having from the scan pictures, and people even calling the 20 week scan 'a gender scan' as though the main reason for it is finding out the sex, even though it's not. Then there is the lengths people will go to reveal it as well - these 'gender reveal parties'.
I know some of the reasons are: people don't want to wait 9 months when they don't have to, they want to decorate the nursery (my lo doesn't have a nursery because we don't want him in his own room yet), they want to know if things they have from previous children can be used for the new baby. Also because they want to get everything ready, and want to buy gender specific things before the birth.
I think it's just as easy to get neutral things before the birth, and then simply keep the money aside and then get everything else after the baby is born. (Obviously I know that not everyone will be able to do that though). But that's what I did, got neutral clothes and crib bedding, and the pram and car seat were neutral (I preferred that), then I kept the money separate and went and got the rest of the stuff afterwards.
If you want a gender specific nursery it may be more difficult to wait though.
Having a preference for a specific sex could be another reason, but even so what can you do about it? I had a very strong preference for a girl, but had a boy.
I know another reason is baby showers (personally i hate them, I never had one and would never dream of having one), but for those who do want one you can have neutral ones.
As I said I'm not one to judge anyone, but I am genuinely wondering why people are so keen to find out before instead of waiting until the birth. Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest. Rather than be told "it's a girl/ boy" during the scan and then be given a picture to go home with.
I simply couldn't imagine not waiting. I had no desire to know at all, I never considered it, even for a split second. And I was so glad I waited. Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises? Well it's still a surprise when you find out at the scan and finding out didn't spoil anything about meeting my baby

Me and dh just wanted to know, the baby was growing in my body so I think it's ok for me to know what sex it is

Our local NHS trust's (in Scotland) policy is that it will not reveal the sex at any scan.
If you want to know you have to book a private scan, the local place seems to be a thriving business, so it seems most people want to know.

It's never really a surprise though, is it? It would be a surprise if I was having a kitten. Not much surprising either way about a boy or girl though.

I don't understand why anyone would wait to find out information they could find out now. I have no patience. I also think that most clothing looks either boyish or girly, other than plain white. And white is a stupid colour for baby clothes.

Finally, I think that if you have even a mild preference, or a "feeling" that you are having one or the other, it is good to put that to bed before the birth, to aid with bonding.

Because if you've had a later scan or an amniocentesis, it's a completely arbitrary delay. There's nothing particularly special about finding out at the point of birth rather than earlier. The only reason people used to find out at birth was because the information wasn't available before.

With ds1 we found out at birth as we only had a 12 week scan. To be honest, I found it tricky to reconcile the baby I was carrying with the two possible people (he) could be - a girl, with the girl's name we had chosen, or a boy, with the boy's name we had chosen. And after he was born I did feel a pang for the other baby who never was and never had been except in my mind.

Anyway, that's just me. But when I was pregnant with ds2 I was happy to know his sex at 20 weeks and no more or less excited about his arrival at 39 weeks than with ds1. No extra surprise required .

Exactly, Bearfrills. And there's an awful lot of assumptions on this thread about what kind of person you must be if you find out. For the record, I mainly used donated second-hand clothes for my first and second child, so took what I was given regardless of gender specifics, I never decorated the nursery and I am a completely hopeless planner. I just thought with my second child "oh, it would be quite fun to find out". I hadn't magically acquired a different personality from my first pregnancy, when that thought didn't occur to me.

How can you not understand how any parents might want to know the sex of them unborn child?

Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises? You still get the SURPRISE at the scan

Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest what about women that can't do that after birth? Women like me that are rushed to theatre for an emergency c section and end up with a hysterectomy to save my life with my last DC

You don't want to know the sex, that's your choice and I am an adult I can understand why you want to wait until birth. But I am an adult and my choice was to find out the sex beforehand

A couple I know found out because one of the couple has a genetic disability that would only affect one gender, but isn't always picked up on a scan. They found out so they could prepare and plan to make sure everything was in position to make things go as smoothly as possible, and so baby has the best possible care. Not many people know that's why they found out but I don't think people care; if someone wants to find out, why not?

I couldn't imagine not waiting.
I had no desire to find out. You have that choice as others do to find out.
It's not really a big surprise, you're either having a girl or a boy.
I didn't care either way - I didn't know with my first found out with my second. It didn't change in any way my utter joy and relief when I gave birth to healthy babies.
And you are being judgy but meh we all have our faults eh .

I waited for DC1 & DC4 and found out with the middle two.

I much preferred knowing, I liked knowing who was going to greet me at the time of birth.

Surprises suck. Lack of knowing something drives me crazy. DH even more so.

I don't think I'd ever say it in an interview but one of the forces which made me strive to reach the top of my profession was when someone said "sorry Bugger, that's confidential." and had to change the conversation. I actually thought of not much else for a day or two.

Probably unfashionable on MN, but we wanted to paint the nursery pale blue / pink depending on what we had. Most other stuff was either gifted 2nd hand or fairly unisex.

We use private healthcare so for us we did have a scan purely to see if our baby had a willy or not. We had a congenital defect scan for our first but not our second. Not for any particular reason, we just realised it was a waste of time for us so skipped it with DD2.

Holding your baby for the first time is amazing. I don't think being told their gender before hand makes the event any the less wonderful.

I do think 'gender reveal' parties are a bit 'me, me, me' but hey, each to their own.

A friend of mine chose to find out at her scan because she desperately wanted a girl and she was worried that if she waited until the birth and the baby was a boy she wouldn't be able to hide her disappointment from the medical staff. He was a boy, and she went home from the scan and spent two weeks crying over the "loss" of a girl. She still couldn't hide her disappointment when he was born though, I think she had gotten it into her head that the scan could be wrong and then it wasn't. So really she just disappointed herself twice over it all. Poor kid.

I think most people tend to find out because they want to be prepared though. They want to go into the delivery room with a certain name on hand, and they want to be able to buy pink or blue paint for the nursery and buy dresses or dungarees. Up to them, isn't it. I'm a few years off kids yet but I'd like to wait and see what it is. To me, the guessing and anticipation would make the experience all the more fun. For other people, knowing what they're having makes the experience better. Each to their own. And I don't think you sounded judgemental, you were just asking a question

I waited with my first but found out with my second, so that I could prepare my first. Much preferred knowing. Half as many baby names to think about.

I've found out the sex with some of mine (3 out of 5) but had the 'surprise' with the other two. I can't say knowing or not made much difference at all. Certainly the births where I did know were no less joyful than the ones where I didn't know. It was easier to pick names when we knew before birth though.

I have no sex preferences & don't do the whole gender specific nursery or clothes things but I have very high risk pregnancies, the times I knew it was one exciting fun uncomplicated thing in months of awfulness.

The two pregnancies I didn't know were the worst ones (one baby survived the other didn't), I was too unwell & scared to even dream of getting a living baby so I didn't want to know. Choosing not to find out wasn't a marvellous thing as you seem determine to make out OP - the only surprise was having a baby that wasn't dead.

YABU. And judgey. Why on earth does it matter to you? Totally private decision. No harm done either way. Can you really not conceive that others might feel differently to you?
And baby showers - why would you care how other people choose to have their parties for their families and friends? I assume you'll never actually go to one since you're so disdainful, so how does it affect you?
I'm incredulous that anyone would care so much about a decision that has no impact on them and is purely a matter of timing, since everyone will always find out in the end. Totally bizarre.

I had no desire to find out either, so we waited. That was my preference, others prefer to find out, neither way is superior to the other, it is purely a matter of choice.

I didn't find out, and actively didn't want to know, and would be the same with any future DC. I felt like seeing my baby as a baby boy or baby girl would already start shaping my, and everyone else's, expectations of who it would be as a person, and there is enough gendered bollocks in the world that I wanted my kid to at least draw a breath before that started.

But, it doesn't bother me at all that other people do want to know. If it's important to them and something they care about knowing, why shouldn't they find out? They're not me, and they're not answerable to me.

I've done it both ways and from my experience the people getting their knickers in a twist about how finding out ruins things couldn't be more wrong. It honestly made no difference, the way the birth went had a far greater impact on how I felt when I met my baby. It's literally just one piece of information about your child it really doesn't matter when you find out.

Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

Do you know at least be honest and say you are judging other peoples choices because they are not the same as your own, instead of all this fake "as I* said Im not judging" crap...because you clearly are, using the word SPOIL reeks of judgement. It may come as a shock to you but other people dont see finding out the sex of their baby as "spoiling" anything.

same reasons as others -

1. still a surprise at 20 weeks than at the birth
2. I had a preference so hated the thought I might be disappointed when they were born - and yes wasn't what I was hoping for! it meant I had time to adjust my thoughts and be very excited
3. I prefer planning and gender neutral items aside, it made sense for me.

all in all there was no reason not to find out!

Also gender and sex are not the same thing.

Why do some non finder outters have this weird smug holier than thou thing going on? Baffling. And, sorry to break it to you, bar the parents and possibly the grandparents no one else is the slightest bit interested. They are just being polite.

Sex. Not gender.

Finding out, telling everyone what you're having and even announcing the name well before the baby arrives is much more of a "thing" now than it was 14 years ago when I had my first.

Because you can. Most people can't resist finding out, as it is an option.

Having said that, in our NCT group i think only 2 out of 8 knew the gender before birth.

We didn't find out last time, we will next time. I'd quite like to tell our DD if she's getting a brother or a sister.

It's either going to be... DRUMROLL

A boy or a girl.

Not blue. Not a kitten.

The surprise was finding out I was pregnant! I have found out the sex both times because it's my body and my baby.