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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to be involved with SIL schemes to sack my cleaner?

169 replies

AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 21:32

SIL and I share a cleaner. The cleaner has been coming to me for about 18 months and I recommended her to SIL shortly after. I've never discussed SIL with the cleaner.

We have completely different relationships with the cleaner: SIL has been chummy with her while I work fulltime so barely ever see her. My DH and DC do, and they like her.

The cleaner is quite flakey (says she'll come on a Monday and you don't see her til Wednesday, etc) but this is fine by us because we really just need the hours of work done - doesn't make a huge difference when. She has a key to the house and I trust her.

For whatever reason, the cleaner's just decided not to go back to SIL. The cleaner didn't tell SIL, she just gradually stopped going round. She still comes to us though. SIL thinks the cleaner stole from her. SIL is totally bemused as to why cleaner stopped coming.

SIL wants to get her key back from the cleaner and to 'get closure'. She wants DH to tip her off the next time cleaner comes to us so SIL can come over and get her key back and speak to cleaner. We absolutely do not want to do this. Cleaner seems honest and we don't want her to come to us and worry she'll have to see SIL.

DH said No, we don't want to get involved. SIL gone bonkers and said we aren't supporting her and we are involved as we recommended the cleaner. Who is BU?

OP posts:
GiftsOnTheFireLogsOnTheTree · 12/12/2016 21:37

Id feel uncomfortable knowing that my 'trusted' cleaner just dropped a client like that without explanation (SIL or not). The cleaner needs to do the right thing by returning the key.

I don't like the confrontation plan but your SIL does need her key back. Has she tried phoning her to discuss why cleaner stopped going?

SnorkelParka · 12/12/2016 21:37

No, but I would mention to the cleaner that SIL needs her key back, even if I would find it awkward.

Arfarfanarf · 12/12/2016 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 21:41

The thing is, I don't think my SIL is desperate to get her key back, even though she keeps saying she is.

I said it was only a few quid to get another one cut and SIL said she actually had loads. Confused

OP posts:
allegretto · 12/12/2016 21:43

Why doesn't SIL just phone her? When did talking to people cease to be a thing? Confused

HairyScaryMonster · 12/12/2016 21:43

Surely it's about someone having a key to her home rather than needing the spare. I'd just write a note asking for the key or asking for it to be dropped round that she reads next time she's at yours

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2016 21:45

Can't she just text her and ask for the key, of one of you could nicely mention it?

happychristmasbum · 12/12/2016 21:46

Agree with PP - can you not understand that if SIL honestly thinks cleaner is a thief, she would not want her having a key to her home?

I wouldn't want Sil round confronting her in my home, but maybe you could ask her to drop the key off at yours.

Tbh if I were Sil I would change the locks anyway as cleaner could have had a copy made.......

HardLightHologram · 12/12/2016 21:47

Does she have tattooed on eyebrows? Just wondering if she's the same flakey cleaner I know.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 21:48

SIL has phoned her and texted her. DH thinks cleaner has freaked out a bit and just wants nothing more to do with them. Cleaner is the easily startled type - hence why we want nothing to do with SIL.

SIL is very, very nice but is very blurry about the client/cleaner relationships. SIL and cleaner had deep chats about life. At our house, cleaner gets a cuppa and maybe a kitkat - no deep chat at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 21:53

Sorry - should have said, it's not that we don't want anything to do with SIL - it's just her scheme. And she is outraged that we won't help her.

I pointed out that if she thinks cleaner is untrustworthy then she may have to change the barrel on the lock anyway.

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 12/12/2016 21:55

if i was sil i'd just get my lock changed, ok it's an expense but at least it would be sorted, i wouldn't let the cleaner get ambushed at yours though.
there is are reasons why boss / worker chummy friendships can go bad best kept just that, boss / worker.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 12/12/2016 22:00

To be fair to Sil I'd hardly call it a "scheme". She's phoned and texted this woman to no avail, it's hardly odd that she might ask her relatives for help here. Would it really be so hard to ask this lady to leave the key at yours or else let Sil know when she's there?

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 12/12/2016 22:04

Really? The cleaner has a key to SIL's home and you don't understand why she wants it back? You are washing your hands of the whole thing?

If she is "freaked out" by SIL then she can drop the key through the letterbox and send a text saying she won't clean for them anymore.

Do you really not mind her turning up on random days? Really? Don't you want to know when someone is in your house? What if she doesn't turn up one week, or never comes back and blanks your messages and keeps your key? Would you not find that rude and annoying?

MrsBlennerhassett · 12/12/2016 22:05

YANBU i think you should just ask your cleaner to drop the key back round to your sister though. But absolutely no way should you facilitate some sort of showdown in your own home!

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 22:05

DH definitely doesn't want a scene here because he thinks cleaner wont come back. She drives 40 minutes to get to us some days, she could easily get work closer to home. She drives past SIL to come to us.

The truth is that it is really hard to get a cleaner that we like. This one needs quite gentle handling, hence why we never say anything if she turns up on Wednesday not Monday. Basically, we have a relationship that tacitly acknowledges we are bloody lucky to have her and that confrontation is not likely.

OP posts:
HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 12/12/2016 22:07

I don't understand why your SIL being chummy and oversharing with the cleaner means it's OK for her to disappear without returning the key or saying that she won't work for them anymore. I don't see the connection at all.

OohMavis · 12/12/2016 22:07

I'm with your SIL! She needs her key back.

It's really unprofessional of your cleaner to behave like this tbh. Unless there's more to it?

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 12/12/2016 22:09

Gosh in that case you'll just have to put up with whatever she does

I hope SILs are easier to replace than cleaners!

OohMavis · 12/12/2016 22:13

How do you mean 'gentle handling'? What an odd arrangement you have.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 22:13

Why does she need her key back? She has plenty of spares Confused. Either cleaner is untrustworthy (change the locks) or she isn't.

Cleaner clearly never wants to go back. SIL works part-time from home at random hours anyway. Any security risk is surely well past being preventable.

OP posts:
OohMavis · 12/12/2016 22:17

So she should change the locks rather than just asking for the key back? Why? Confused

Also it's the principle. She was entrusted with a key to someone's home, if for whatever reason the arrangement has come to an end she has a professional duty to be upfront about that and return the key! It's pretty awful behaviour.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 22:18

You are remarkably laid back about all of this, OP. Confused

I'm quite laid back myself but would be sourcing a new cleaner in this situation.

user1477282676 · 12/12/2016 22:20

OP. Everyone agrees with your SIL. YOU are being unreasonable. Tell the cleaner that SIL wants her key back and can she drop it to you please.

If cleaner refuses then you'd be a fool to keep employing her.

witsender · 12/12/2016 22:20

I'm kind of with your SIL here to be honest, and you sound like you like the cleaner more than her.