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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to be involved with SIL schemes to sack my cleaner?

169 replies

AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 21:32

SIL and I share a cleaner. The cleaner has been coming to me for about 18 months and I recommended her to SIL shortly after. I've never discussed SIL with the cleaner.

We have completely different relationships with the cleaner: SIL has been chummy with her while I work fulltime so barely ever see her. My DH and DC do, and they like her.

The cleaner is quite flakey (says she'll come on a Monday and you don't see her til Wednesday, etc) but this is fine by us because we really just need the hours of work done - doesn't make a huge difference when. She has a key to the house and I trust her.

For whatever reason, the cleaner's just decided not to go back to SIL. The cleaner didn't tell SIL, she just gradually stopped going round. She still comes to us though. SIL thinks the cleaner stole from her. SIL is totally bemused as to why cleaner stopped coming.

SIL wants to get her key back from the cleaner and to 'get closure'. She wants DH to tip her off the next time cleaner comes to us so SIL can come over and get her key back and speak to cleaner. We absolutely do not want to do this. Cleaner seems honest and we don't want her to come to us and worry she'll have to see SIL.

DH said No, we don't want to get involved. SIL gone bonkers and said we aren't supporting her and we are involved as we recommended the cleaner. Who is BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 23:02

Key aside, is there a consensus that DH doesn't have to facilitate the meeting?

OP posts:
Leanback · 12/12/2016 23:03

CANCEL THE CHEQUE

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 12/12/2016 23:04

Why should there have to be a meeting? Just say "hi cleaner, could you leave SIL's key with us? Thanks!" Just be nice and help your sister in law get her key back from the shit cleaner you recommended to her

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 12/12/2016 23:04

He doesn't have to,but why wouldn't he want to?

The cleaner is clearly BU.

MistressDeeCee · 12/12/2016 23:06

Stop slyly aiming to diss your DH's sister - all that gumpf about her having different relationship with cleaner - so what? Whats that got to do with cleaner inappropriately walking off with the front door key to someone's home?! Like most sensible people it wouldnt matter if I had 50 keys to my own home, its MY home why would I want someone else to be wandering around with a key?!

You don't want to accept your SIL is (rightly) annoyed - fine but if you can't' see that your cleaner is being dodgy in this particular instance then thats strange. I hope you don't end up having conversation with her about your SIL either, your tone is so judgey. Ask for the key - or be firm with SIL that you absolutely will not get involved. Which I think would be best actually as your view on this situation is lets say..unusual.

OohMavis · 12/12/2016 23:06

You're making this so much bigger than it has to be. You really are.

Be meek and cringingly apologetic, if it eases your fear of being confrontational to the cleaner who pisses you about every week and who may have stolen from your SIL, but you really should ask.

Theoretician · 12/12/2016 23:08

Just posting so I can be only the second person on the thread to realise that getting the key returned makes absolutely no difference to SIL security. If the cleaner were crooked she could have made copies.

Unless we think the key is uncopyable? I did once have a shop refused to copy a key, think I had to return with proof of identity and address before they would. But presumably there are crooked key cutters.

People are not reading what the OP is saying. It's not about the key.

Willow2016 · 12/12/2016 23:08

Just leave a note for the cleaner to return the key next time.

Thats not by any stretch of the imagination the least bit confrontational.

Its asking for the return of property that doesnt belong to her.

Its not asking you to turn her upside down and shake the key out of her!

Why on earth are you making this such a big deal, and all about you?

Its not about you its about unprofessional behaviour, and stolen property. Your sil would be quite within her rights to go to the police about this (she has evidence that she has called and txt the cleaner for the return of her key and she hasnt replied and hasnt returned the key) I would say thats more than a bit confrontational!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 23:08

I say 'dumped' as I can promise you this is not about the key, it is about SIL wanting to see/speak to cleaner and 'find out what happened'.

So if you speak to cleaner, and nicely ask her to leave the key with you so that you can return it to SiL, then that is the matter done and dusted. Over.

If SiL tries to raise it again, you can justifiably say, "you've got your key, case closed."

What POSSIBLE reason do you think the cleaner has for retaining that key, OP? No reasonable person would do such a thing.

melj1213 · 12/12/2016 23:10

I can promise you this is not about the key, it is about SIL wanting to see/speak to cleaner and 'find out what happened'.

And what is wrong with that?

Her cleaner just stopped turning up, why shouldn't she be pissed of with that and want to actually talk to the woman and find out what happened? Again, this is a business transaction, your SIL is paying for a service and most decent people, even if they decided to stop working for someone would either hand in their notice, or at the very least TELL THEM that they wouldn't be coming any more (especially as she is v. flakey and your SIL could have been under the impression she was just late/not available one week then having to try and work out if she needed to get a new cleaner or hers was juyst having a flakey few appointments)

And, even if that is why she wants the meeting, she is still entitled to get any property back (in this case the damn key) from the cleaner.

Willow2016 · 12/12/2016 23:10

Theo
But she doesnt have to arrange a meeting, all she has to do is ask for the sodding key back. Give it to sil and say she wont discuss it any more.
End of drama.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 23:11

He doesn't want to because he doesn't want the cleaner to be accused of stealing, or imagine that we think she is stealing, or think that we are talking to SIL, or in anyway put pressure on the cleaner.

He is right that SIL is intense, she will want to talk it all through with the cleaner, make the cleaner see her POV. SIL is all emotions and very nice with it BUT she doesn't understand that some people don't work like that and need approaching in a different way.

Honestly, I think SIL will have given the cleaner the fear. I agree that the cleaner should have handled this better.

And if we were in the first couple of weeks I'd be more concerned about the recommendation. But we're 18 months on and we think that relationship is between them.

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 23:12

People are not reading what the OP is saying. It's not about the key.

We are reading the OP's posts. And you're right - it's not about the key. It's about a cleaner who is potentially dodgy as all hell.

I wonder how OP will feel if she comes home one day to find "liberated" of everything that wasn't nailed down? She'll have had fair warning too.

melj1213 · 12/12/2016 23:14

we think that relationship is between them.

But if the cleaner isn't responding to your SIL's messages, and you have contact with the cleaner, why would it be unreasonable of her to ask you to at least speak to?leave a note for the cleaner on her behalf when she comes to your house?

OohMavis · 12/12/2016 23:16

Theoretician in any case it needs to be dealt with, don't you think? If she isn't dodgy, SIL needs the key back... cos, well, it's her key and the cleaner has no right to keep it.

If she is dodgy, SIL needs to know where she stands wrt to changing locks or notifying police.

My first step to ascertain which of those scenarios I'm dealing with would be talking to the woman and attempting to retrieve my key, personally.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 12/12/2016 23:16

The longer the cleaner has the keys the longer she will be accused of stealing by your SIL and in fact she has stolen the keys.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 23:16

People are not reading what the OP is saying. It's not about the key.

Thanks Grin. Yes, if the cleaner was dodgy she could have had a key cut - my SIL knows this. My SIL can change the locks herself (she's vv handy) for £13 which she can very comfortably afford.

As I've repeatedly said, the key is justification for SIL to involve us and find out what is going on.

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 23:16

You and your husband are really feeding this drama, OP.

Just ask her (nicely) for the damn key. If she refuses to pony it up, ask yourself why that is.

If I were your SiL, I'd be inclined to go to the police so I reckon she's actually being quite restrained. Smile

Mrsmadevans · 12/12/2016 23:17

Thing is though even if sil gets the key back the cleaner could have copied it already so ....

FrancisCrawford · 12/12/2016 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 12/12/2016 23:19

I think you are enjoying this key drama, OP.

melj1213 · 12/12/2016 23:20

People are not reading what the OP is saying. It's not about the key.

No, it's about an employee leaving an employer in the lurch, with no notice, making themselves uncontactable, whilst still being in possession of property belonging to their employer.

Said employee still works fora relative of their ex-employer and the ex-employer has asked their relative to ask their employee to return the property or at the very least get in contact with them to discuss the situation.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 23:20

You and your husband are really feeding this drama, OP.

Eh? We're doing the exact opposite. We want to stay out of it. We just had a really tongue biter of a conversation down the phone where SIL accused the cleaner of stealing and neither of us rose to it.

So far we have contributed zero.

OP posts:
OohMavis · 12/12/2016 23:20

the key is justification for SIL to involve us and find out what is going on.

Again, I don't see what the problem is with that.

I think it's mad to suggest she should just shrug her shoulders and let the cleaner keep the keys to her house so you can avoid one single awkward conversation.

GabsAlot · 12/12/2016 23:20

op arent u concerned about why shes stopped going to sil for no reason after sil has lot two necklaces

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