not to be involved with SIL schemes to sack my cleaner?

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SIL and I share a cleaner. The cleaner has been coming to me for about 18 months and I recommended her to SIL shortly after. I've never discussed SIL with the cleaner.

We have completely different relationships with the cleaner: SIL has been chummy with her while I work fulltime so barely ever see her. My DH and DC do, and they like her.

The cleaner is quite flakey (says she'll come on a Monday and you don't see her til Wednesday, etc) but this is fine by us because we really just need the hours of work done - doesn't make a huge difference when. She has a key to the house and I trust her.

For whatever reason, the cleaner's just decided not to go back to SIL. The cleaner didn't tell SIL, she just gradually stopped going round. She still comes to us though. SIL thinks the cleaner stole from her. SIL is totally bemused as to why cleaner stopped coming.

SIL wants to get her key back from the cleaner and to 'get closure'. She wants DH to tip her off the next time cleaner comes to us so SIL can come over and get her key back and speak to cleaner. We absolutely do not want to do this. Cleaner seems honest and we don't want her to come to us and worry she'll have to see SIL.

DH said No, we don't want to get involved. SIL gone bonkers and said we aren't supporting her and we are involved as we recommended the cleaner. Who is BU?

I agree this is nothing to do with the key. SIL has plenty of keys and, as you and her have both acknowledged, if the cleaner had any intention of entering your SIL's property, she would just get another key cut before returning the original.

Your SIL wants a confrontation and is trying to drag you into it. YANBU to not get involved.

Your solution for the SiL to text the cleaner and say she can drop the key with you (if she prefers) sounds perfect. Case closed.

Is it usual for cleaners to keep keys to a property that they no longer clean at then?

I can see that it isn't about the keys for SIL, but still can't understand why the cleaner hasn't returned them.

I think that's a good option Add.
** You're openly supporting SIL without getting involved that way.
Likely it's as someone said, maybe SIL has either pissed cleaner off with a view, or leant on her emotionally during their chats and just made cleaner think 'nope, can't be arsed with this one' but she has gone about it all wrong.
I'd be researching new back up cleaners too, see this as a heads up

My dad went through a very similar situation to your SIL, although he'd had the cleaner for years. Her background was if anything more traumatic than your cleaners (sudden death of a child). He & his wife were very gentle and supportive of her. When his wife died an item went missing that only the cleaner could have taken. He then looked back and realised how frequently small sums of money had disappeared.

His experience taught me two things: it is incredibly painful when someone you've let into your home betrays your trust and if you let a relationship be entirely on someone elses terms and they have no responsibility to meet your expectations then they probably dont respect you that much.

You don't seem to understand that if you get the key back to sil you can sign out of this. She no longer has any real reason to see or talk to the cleaner. Any further questions she has are her problem.

Glad you are finally saying that the cleaner can drop the key off with you which is exactly what the majority of the thread have been saying and you have been ignoring. But you listened to DH's version so maybe you should just talk to him as posting here is pointless if you don't actually take it in.

No, we listened to all the posts here. Lots of posters were very, very hung up on the key (despite the irrelevance of it to either SIL security or need of key) and so we are going to address it from that angle.

However, the heart of the issue is SIL expecting us to get involved with SIL getting closure/explanation for the cleaner ghosting her.

How do you think you'll respond if/when cleaner declines to return the key or leave it with you, OP?

I very very slightly see where you're coming from in that round here it is b difficult to find cleaners so I wouldn't want to risk upsetting the one we have and are generally happy with. However part of the reason we're happy with her is that she's trustworthy, reliable and professional so it would probably make me see the cleaner in a different light.

In your position I would say/leave a note along the lines of 'it's a bit awkward and I don't really want to get involved, but SIL has asked if I could ask you for her key back - you can leave it here'
Surely she couldn't get upset about that?

Sorry - hadn't read to the end.
I agree you don't need to get involved in the why's and wherefores of the cleaner stopping sil but yes to the key.

Not your issue. Don't get involved.

Don't even mention SIL or the key - that's between SIL and the cleaner.

If you have one, I'd get a key cut and tell SIL that the cleaner dropped it off. If you don't just leave a note for the cleaner to drop it off when she remembers.

If you have one, I'd get a key cut and tell SIL that the cleaner dropped it off.

That's the barmiest suggestion on this thread yet, if not on any thread this week.

As someone who has had a very lot to do with cleaners and the the domestic cleaning industry, and also as someone who has had a lot to do with people with mental health issues (separately from that obviously), my objective view of what has happened here is that the cleaner has possibly, for some reason wanted to quietly 'fade away' from the job at the SIL's - maybe found her too intense or something. It sounds like her mental health issues have got the better of her and she did not feel up to seeing someone for a chat like that so just kept avoiding the chats and the whole situation instead of making a decision to leave, which she may not have felt up to making yet.

This would explain why she sometimes does not come on her regular day, maybe she has good days and bad with her issues.

She has probably not drawn a line under it yet in her head but has just found herself gradually not returning therefore did not want to think about sticking the key through SIL's door as this would be a definite indicator she had left and then she would feel she must come up with an explanation which she probably feels unable to put into words.

I do think it would be wrong to set her up to face SIL at your home but at the same time to ask her to leave the key would be the kindest way forward for all parties.

Good cleaners are very hard to come by and if you can live with her issues and like her and trust her I wouldn;t let this come between you - or your SIL for that matter. They are two separate relationships, your continued use of the cleaner is professional only and would not impact on SIL at all, she only needs her key and then all is done and dusted.

You do realise that domestic abuse victim or not, if she pulled this sort of crap at work where she is hired, instead of her own business, she would be fired on the spot.

I would have sacked myself. Not turning up when she says she does. Refusing to return keys.

Yabu.

Get the bloody key back!

Glad you're going to ask for the key back. I have to say you all sound rather over involved in your Cleaner's life.

I do agree she isn't operating in a very professional manner but I've heard a lot of this unprofessional kind of thing about private cleaners on mn where I used to be clutching my pearls and then the homeowner would declare herself fine with whatever they were doing so now I just feel as long as both parties are happy with one another that's the main thing.

It's evident this cleaner is not mentally up to the challenge of running a cleaning business correctly which does require strong shoulders and huge sense of responsibility but if the OP is happy with her then that's what she is paying for and that is her choice. It doesn't sound like the cleaner intended to do any harm, just acted in a non-professional way as she probably struggled to find the words to tell SIL she couldn't face going any more for whatever reason.

Thanks for all the replies, especially those that took some time to see it from the cleaner's point of view.

I asked MIL what she thought and she thought that neither us nor SIL should get involved with the other about the cleaner. MIL wasn't interested in the key.