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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to be involved with SIL schemes to sack my cleaner?

169 replies

AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 21:32

SIL and I share a cleaner. The cleaner has been coming to me for about 18 months and I recommended her to SIL shortly after. I've never discussed SIL with the cleaner.

We have completely different relationships with the cleaner: SIL has been chummy with her while I work fulltime so barely ever see her. My DH and DC do, and they like her.

The cleaner is quite flakey (says she'll come on a Monday and you don't see her til Wednesday, etc) but this is fine by us because we really just need the hours of work done - doesn't make a huge difference when. She has a key to the house and I trust her.

For whatever reason, the cleaner's just decided not to go back to SIL. The cleaner didn't tell SIL, she just gradually stopped going round. She still comes to us though. SIL thinks the cleaner stole from her. SIL is totally bemused as to why cleaner stopped coming.

SIL wants to get her key back from the cleaner and to 'get closure'. She wants DH to tip her off the next time cleaner comes to us so SIL can come over and get her key back and speak to cleaner. We absolutely do not want to do this. Cleaner seems honest and we don't want her to come to us and worry she'll have to see SIL.

DH said No, we don't want to get involved. SIL gone bonkers and said we aren't supporting her and we are involved as we recommended the cleaner. Who is BU?

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 22:21

Cleaner clearly never wants to go back.

She doesn't have to. There are ways of returning your SIL's key to her that don't involve cleaner having to bodily set foot on the premises.

Whatever you may think of your SiL not much it seems, the cleaner is BU.

alotlikeChristmas16 · 12/12/2016 22:21

I don't understand why you aren't getting it either - the key is SIL's property. Whatever you think, you must see there are quite a few non-mad people that can see SIL's point about the key although the cleaner ought to just have returned it.

witsender · 12/12/2016 22:21

And wtf is your title about? There is no scheme to sack the cleaner? She just wants her key back as the cleaner is being hugely unprofessional on ignoring her, having ghosted her and isn't giving it back. I'm not sure how you can think any of that is reasonable behaviour.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 22:22

I am quite laid back on this - partly because SIL is quite intense. SIL wants 'closure', that was her actual word.

Also, we have had lots of cleaners. Generally, they are cleaners because it fits in with their lifestyle. We have learnt that if we make demands on cleaners they are less likely to come so the only demands we make are requests about how/what to do around our house when they are here. Result: loyal cleaner who does what we need.

OP posts:
Willow2016 · 12/12/2016 22:23

Whats the big deal about getting her key back? Just ask the cleaner for it. Its not hers to keep. I would want it back to and would be coming round to ask her if she didnt reply to my calls or txt. Its not a scheme at all its common sense. Why should she go to all the expense of a new lock when the cleaner could just hand over the key.

Its very unprofessional of the cleaner just to stop going without any warning or explaination.

I dont get why you have such a weird relationship with your cleaner either. What the heck does 'easily started' mean?

Chippednailvarnishing · 12/12/2016 22:24

This sounds more about you having some sort of long standing issue with your Sil than the cleaner.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 22:26

This one needs quite gentle handling, hence why we never say anything if she turns up on Wednesday not Monday. Basically, we have a relationship that tacitly acknowledges we are bloody lucky to have her and that confrontation is not likely.

You are quite, quite mad. Confused

But never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, can I come and clean your house for a fee?

Admittedly I'm fuck all of a cleaner, but I don't require "gentle handling", I'll turn up on the appointed days, and I won't purloin your house keys.

Howz about it?? Xmas Grin

saoirse31 · 12/12/2016 22:26

But what's this 'gentle handling' she needs? Sounds slightly patronising tbh.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 22:27

My AIBU isn't about whether my SIL is entitled to her key or any other property back. It's about whether DH and I need to be involved. SIL is absolutely convinced we should be involved.

I don't think it is about the key anyway.

OP posts:
Hardshoulder · 12/12/2016 22:27

You sound more concerned with not bothering this 'must be handled with kid gloves' cleaner than the fact that she's behaved very unprofessionally to your SIL. Leaving aside entirely her honesty, you don't just gradually stop providing a service with no explanation and not return the key to your client's house. Why on earth do you feel so 'bloody lucky' to have a cleaner who sometimes shows up 48 hours late? Will you acknowledge your SIL may have had a point if the cleaner just stops coming to yours too?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 22:27

SIL wants 'closure', that was her actual word.

Yes. She wants to be able to close her front door and know that it will stay closed, because her ex cleaner has returned the keys.

Not hard to understand.

OohMavis · 12/12/2016 22:28

Closure doesn't have to have a weird emotional connotation, you know.

She's not being weird by wanting her key back and perhaps an explanation. The cleaner shouldn't be ghosting people when she no longer wants to do business with them.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 22:29

We have no longstanding issue with SIL. She is very lovely and nice and we are good friends as well as relatives.

DH is v annoyed with SIL though about accusing the cleaner of stealing without proof. DH thinks SIL has just lost two necklaces.

OP posts:
FoxesSitOnBoxes · 12/12/2016 22:29

She stopped coming without warning and has been ignoring texts asking for the key back? She sounds lovely!
Why can't you help your SIL out and just ask her for the key?

Leanback · 12/12/2016 22:32

Just nicely ask the cleaner to bring Sil's key to yours next time she cleans for you. Doesn't have to scare her just mention it casually and keep it at that. Your SIL has tried to contact her and being ignored. Surely you can see that your cleaner is being unreasonable.

Noodledoodledoo · 12/12/2016 22:32

Agree with others - very unproffessional to not return key. I am with your SIL.

We have just sacked a cleaner as she would text with less than 12 hours notice to when she wanted to come and then get arsey when I said I was out, it wasn't convenient etc. Wanted cash in hand and I don't tend to keep large amounts at home so would have to somehow get to a cash point with a toddler and baby between 9pm and 9am! Also would never leave them unsupervised as I didn't feel happy doing so.

Some cleaners seem to feel they can dictate - this one also used to moan about the dust in my house!!

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 12/12/2016 22:33

Well what DO you think it'd about?

Also, how involved would you need to get? A simple "oh hi X, next time you're in ours could you leave Sils key on the mantle/hall table, thanks so much".

In your Sils shoes I'd be a bit pissed off if my DB and his wife knew the flakey cleaner was ignoring my request for my key yet couldn't possibly let me know when she's at theirs so I could collect it!

Chippednailvarnishing · 12/12/2016 22:33

Just don't expect Sil to back you up when you need a friend in future.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/12/2016 22:34

DH is v annoyed with SIL though about accusing the cleaner of stealing without proof. DH thinks SIL has just lost two necklaces.

You didn't say that she accuses the cleaner of theft before.

That said, I'm tended to think your SiL isn't a million miles off track based on the nonsense with the keys.

But in answer to your original question, YABVU.

CocktailQueen · 12/12/2016 22:34

Your cleaner startles easily and needs gentle handling? Is she a nervous horse??

Hardshoulder · 12/12/2016 22:35

Cocktail Grin

OohMavis · 12/12/2016 22:37

Are you afraid it will be awkward, asking her for the key? It will be awkward. But that's not your fault is it? It's hers. Because she acted unprofessionally.

If the situation were reversed and the cleaner who ghosted you, and still had your key still worked for SIL, wouldn't you ask her for her help in getting it back?

This is all so British, dancing around eachother and not mentioning the fact she's sometimes two days late Grin barmy.

Bunnyfuller · 12/12/2016 22:39

Your cleaner is taking the piss and being very unprofessional. You pay her, not the other way round. You're happy to have someone in your house when you're not there who a family member suspects of stealing. Apart from BU you're bloody bonkers! If it's no bother when she comes fogs just do that bit of cleaning yourselves!!

alotlikeChristmas16 · 12/12/2016 22:40

Very odd that you are prioritising your relationship with your cleaner over your 'nice' SIL because it might result in you losing a cleaner. YA(still)BU

Original poster
AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 22:41

SIL and I have really had each other's backs in the past - that's partly why I think she is so outraged now.

SIL spoke to me about cleaner a few months ago, complaining about cleaner being unreliable. Cleaner is recovering victim of serious domestic abuse (hospitalised, nearly killed) some years ago. SIL and I discussed it and I said that I thought cleaner just needed absolute minimum stress and she will be a brilliant cleaner. I warned SIL not to put pressure on.

I think SIL was just too intense.

OP posts:
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