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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to be involved with SIL schemes to sack my cleaner?

169 replies

AddToBasket · 12/12/2016 21:32

SIL and I share a cleaner. The cleaner has been coming to me for about 18 months and I recommended her to SIL shortly after. I've never discussed SIL with the cleaner.

We have completely different relationships with the cleaner: SIL has been chummy with her while I work fulltime so barely ever see her. My DH and DC do, and they like her.

The cleaner is quite flakey (says she'll come on a Monday and you don't see her til Wednesday, etc) but this is fine by us because we really just need the hours of work done - doesn't make a huge difference when. She has a key to the house and I trust her.

For whatever reason, the cleaner's just decided not to go back to SIL. The cleaner didn't tell SIL, she just gradually stopped going round. She still comes to us though. SIL thinks the cleaner stole from her. SIL is totally bemused as to why cleaner stopped coming.

SIL wants to get her key back from the cleaner and to 'get closure'. She wants DH to tip her off the next time cleaner comes to us so SIL can come over and get her key back and speak to cleaner. We absolutely do not want to do this. Cleaner seems honest and we don't want her to come to us and worry she'll have to see SIL.

DH said No, we don't want to get involved. SIL gone bonkers and said we aren't supporting her and we are involved as we recommended the cleaner. Who is BU?

OP posts:
JustanotherMortificado · 13/12/2016 01:03

For the love of fucking god just ask the cleaner for sil key back! It's not that hard. The cleaner sounds rude and shady as fuck.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 13/12/2016 06:45

I'd be really pissed off if my SIL thought it was acceptable to someone to just have access to my home if I thought they may have stolen from me.

Again: if this was about access to SIL's home it would have been a different discussion. Cleaner has had free reign and access for 18 months. She could have copied the key. She could still copy the key before she gave it back to us.

SIL knows it would be unlikely that the cleaner would have the key on her. SIL hardly gave they key any priority. That's because it isn't the main issue.

OP posts:
everythingtoplayfor · 13/12/2016 06:55

I would be very concerned if a cleaner kept a key - mine or someone elses. And I would go nuts if she was flaky!

Whitney168 · 13/12/2016 06:59

I'm with your SIL.

I've had a cleaner do this to me after years of working for me, and it is fucking infuriating. Yes, logically I know that if they were going to steal anything they could have done it before - and yes, I could change the barrel, but that would involve me in the expense of getting keys cut for the many family members who seem to have keys for our house, plus two sets for dog sitters - and why should I?!

But yes, mostly it's just about frustration that when I've been a good 'employer' why on earth couldn't they just have the manners to tell me they didn't want to do it any more and return the key.

everythingtoplayfor · 13/12/2016 07:00

This is definitely about your issues with your SIL, not about the cleaner!!! Shock

Original poster
AddToBasket · 13/12/2016 07:16

It isn't about my 'issues' with my SIL. I've said elsewhere we get on great.

And before someone says it is about DH's issues with SIL, he gets on fine with her too.

He/we just don't want to be involved with her relationships with the cleaner. At all.

OP posts:
GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 13/12/2016 07:19

The cleaner is out of order. I can see why sil is not happy. Do you really want someone who is unreliable having the key, turning up when they feel like it. And to top it off may have stolen.

hippyhippyshake · 13/12/2016 07:21

40 mins to a cleaning job? You must be paying a LOT Grin

witsender · 13/12/2016 07:33

Someone who treats a family member that I like, as badly as she has wouldn't be prioritised over them tbh.

You would rather upset your relation than your cleaner.

Chippednailvarnishing · 13/12/2016 07:35

I've said elsewhere we get on great

Not anymore, you don't!

RedHelenB · 13/12/2016 07:39

Why on earth would you prioritise a flaky cleaner over your SIL.? YABU if you dont ask for the key back since SIL has attempted to get it herself.

youarenotkiddingme · 13/12/2016 07:43

Yanbu and people need to read the OP and not read into it what they want.

The OP has a cleaner she is happy with and she trusts. Whether or not we would based on her information is neither here not there. It works for OP and her family.

She has left SIL cleaning job. Again - not the right way but again that's neither here nor there is this AIBU.

She also has SIL key. And everyone who's said getting it back will make no difference because she could have cut a new one if dodgy is correct. If SIL is that worried she needs to change lock.

But the AIBU is about not wanting to ambush the cleaner at her place of employment - OP house - about something unrelated to that part of het employment.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 13/12/2016 07:46

  1. Don't ambush the cleaner.
  2. Do ask for SIL's keys back.
  3. That's it.

It really is that simple Confused

OnionKnight · 13/12/2016 07:47

*YANBU

If the SIL wants the key back its up to her to sort that out and not to expect you to do it. Presumably she wouldnt be able to do this if the cleaner didnt have people she knew as clients.

She is NBU to want her key back, not in the slightest, but she should not be asking you to get involved. The issue is between her and the cleaner and nothing to do with you.*

I agree with this ^

FrancisCrawford · 13/12/2016 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InsertUsernameHere · 13/12/2016 07:55

How about taking the stance of getting the SIL off your cleaners back? Cleaner will know you know the SIL as you recommended her. How about - your are doing a brilliant job for us- thank you. I know you have stopped cleaning for SIL. She mentioned she is waiting for you to return her key. If you aren't able to return it directly, please leave it here and we will pass it on.
There risk is that if SIL continues to stress your cleaner she might stop coming to you.

shovetheholly · 13/12/2016 07:58

I think you are wise to stay well out of this! A bit like when two friends argue, and you have to do that tactful and diplomatic thing of being in the middle without taking sides. It seems childish in the extreme for your SIL to make this all about 'supporting her'.

I would get the cleaner to drop the key at yours next time she's over, then you can give it to SIL. Job done, end of.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 13/12/2016 08:06

It's not having nosey that's the problem - it's having a key that you don't know where it is. (If you know what I men.)

The cleaner could get into the house whenever she likes, or hand the key on to someone else.

TBH, if I thought someone had stolen from me I would change the locks even if I got the key back. ``who's to say there aren't copies going round?

I don't thin your SIL really thinks this woman is dishonest or she would have changed the locks immediately. (And possibly informed the police)

CondensedMilkSarnies · 13/12/2016 08:07

YANBU for not wanting to get caught up in this . However , don't you value your SIL over the cleaner ? Also , Aren't you worried that the cleaner is untrustworthy ? Which she has proved by keeping property that isn't hers .

Original poster
AddToBasket · 13/12/2016 08:07

DH has suggested a compromise. We suggest to SIL that she text the cleaner to say please could cleaner drop off the key, and that cleaner is welcome to leave it with us if she would rather not go back to SIL.

This gives cleaner an opportunity to avoid SIL and house but also shows SIL we respect her key need.

Regardless of the key, it is the explanation that SIL wants far, far more. I can understand that but we don't want to get into that bit.

I think GrandDes may have it right about something happening during a deep chat that has bothered the cleaner. But we don't want to ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
AddToBasket · 13/12/2016 08:09

To any posters suggesting cleaner has 'stolen' the key - even SIL doesn't think that. Cleaner seems to want no contact and just happens to have the key.

OP posts:
Ncbecauseitshard · 13/12/2016 08:12

But cleaners don't just happen to keep keys. They put them
Through the letterbox if they're not going back. No drama needed.

bloodymaria · 13/12/2016 08:31

This is just total madness! You and DH sound wet as blankets. Good luck to you.

FrancisCrawford · 13/12/2016 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 13/12/2016 08:48

Well, cleaner can drop the keys through SIL's letterbox and be done with it.

Keeping them is stealing.

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