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Original poster

I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

497 replies

timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 06:50

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

OP posts:
Katherine2626 · 13/12/2016 17:34

I told mine that the ''Spirit of Christmas' is there for everyone who wants to enjoy it, and some people like to call it 'Father Christmas'. They seemed to take that in without too many questions, we kept it fairly minor, didn't want to tell them a load of lies but as you say it is difficult when other people keep up the myth. I got a terrible shock, aged about nine, when my Dad casually said 'You do know there isn't a Father Christmas don't you?' As an only child with no siblings to tell me, I think my parents wanted me to know the truth before I went to senior school, and potentially made myself look a complete lemon!

Blueflowers2011 · 13/12/2016 17:38

it is lying! He is not real?

I was truly and utterly devastated when I was little and finally found out all that magic and belief was completely made up. I had been duped.

I have told my kids I do not know if there is a Santa, mum and dad have never seen him but he may be a bit like magic if they want to believe in him, then the magic may happen. So they do, they know we have never seen the 'real one', only the ones on the street and school fetes, but they are happy with this.

Daydream007 · 13/12/2016 17:57

What the loveliest most magical 'lie' to tell! I have wonderful memories of the magic of Santa when I was little and I'm so happy that my parents 'lied'. I would never deny my children of this magic that I had as a child.

mrsbaffled · 13/12/2016 18:15

We never 'did' Santa. My children didn't ruin it for anyone else.

We are a Christian family and we felt it was important to distinguish between what we think is real and not real. We believe in Jesus and felt that if our Children felt we had lied to them about Santa then they would question whether we had lied to them about God too.

(Besides, Christmas is about Jesus, not Santa.)

Postchildrenpregranny · 13/12/2016 18:26

But aquablueFC brought stocking presents for my DDs until they were 26 and 22.It stopped becauseI didnt fancy DD1's partner sitting on my bed opening his ...
DD2 was quite put out -as she pointed out DD1 had had 4years more of FC than she had (she still prefers lots of small prezents though now they go under the tree)

Postchildrenpregranny · 13/12/2016 18:29

Me too fairycaravan

HeCantBeSerious · 13/12/2016 18:34

Which is why, despite being an atheist, I told DD1 all about Heaven, and angels looking after you, when she first cottoned on to the fact her Mummy would die one day. I happily lied through my back teeth in order to reassure her and put a smile back on her face.

Perfectly simple to explain death to even very young children without resorting to the heaven and angels bollocks. (Although DD wasvery interested in all the things she'd be able to have/do that she couldn't while we were alive. 😂)

aquabluepool · 13/12/2016 18:44

Postchildren I don't get what point you're making at all.

Deadsouls · 13/12/2016 18:48

What do you mean Santa isn't real!

Deadsouls · 13/12/2016 18:49

???? Shit

aquabluepool · 13/12/2016 18:50

Fucks sake. Grow up.

simiisme · 13/12/2016 18:55

How sad. Part of the joy of having children is seeing their little faces light up because of a little magic and fairy dust.
Why not go the whole hog - tell them they're average, not remotely special. Oh, and tell them we all die one day.
Gotta be honest

aquabluepool · 13/12/2016 18:56

We do all die one day.

I don't see what's so terrible about sharing that with your child. Obviously not that bluntly but it's a conversation that needs to be had.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/12/2016 18:57

Don't be ridiculous sim

Charell20 · 13/12/2016 19:07

All I'm going to say to all of your response OP is 'wait until you have children!' Then you will see how often you 'lie' to them.

aquabluepool · 13/12/2016 19:14

Quite a few of us with children have said we don't do Santa, for a variety of reasons.

lilybetsy · 13/12/2016 19:27

Ds3 has never ever believed in FC because DS1 didn't by the time he was 2. He's not traumatised !!

yellowfrog · 13/12/2016 19:40

My parents never did the whole Santa thing. Christmas was just as magical for me - my parents would put a stocking on the end of my bed during the night and give me presents in the morning - how cool is that! All those lovely things my parents did just for me! Three decades on, christmas is still bloody magical, and we still do stockings :)

In short, do what suits your family, and don't for one minute think no santa = miserable

raisedbyguineapigs · 13/12/2016 19:48

I don't like the whole 'santa buts all your presents' thing, because I want my children to appreciate that people worked hard to be able to buy them nice gifts. It wasn't just made by elves. Santa only gives then things in their stockings. I don't remember really believing in Santa, but my kids do and write letters to him. I managed to get roped I to the elf thing this year too, which I hate and seems to be a month of making up lies to cover suspicious kids' questions and remembering to put the stupid thing in different places.

NewUserName01 · 13/12/2016 19:52

As a child I felt really irritated that everyone pretended that FC was real. I don't think I ever quite believed but no one would ever confirm it either way. H is Jewish so it wasn't done in his household.

Anyway, for the above reasons, we didn't do FC for our children who are now13 and 16. They had stockings which they enjoyed hanging up empty on Xmas Eve and finding them full on Xmas Day. No need to pretend someone else was filling them.

Nursery and school (and just about everyone they met) talked to them about FC which confused them a bit but they just seemed to play along with them and then they'd check with us that it wasn't really real as the idea freaked them out a bit.

I don't think my children spilled the beans to any of their friends because I think they could see it was a game that everyone was playing.

I have to say I don't like how aggressive people get about keeping the FC thing going and the expectations they have that everyone else will keep it going too. I was really happy to choose to do things differently but it's amazing how many people didn't like that.

smallchanceofrain · 13/12/2016 19:54

My DS is 11 and has asked if I am Santa. This is going to be the last Christmas where we can pretend Santa is real. I have written a letter to give him after Christmas to explain that I choose and wrap his presents but the concept of Santa still has an important job to do. Santa helps children to imagine the impossible and believe in things they can't see or touch - helping children's hearts and minds to grow. I know it's a bit sentimental but I think it's a good message. Children need to grow up believing they can achieve anything and believing in things they can't hold in their hands - like love, hope and kindness.

HeCantBeSerious · 13/12/2016 19:56

Children need to grow up believing they can achieve anything and believing in things they can't hold in their hands - like love, hope and kindness.

Surely that's a year-round thing?

Lweji · 13/12/2016 19:58

Children need to grow up believing they can achieve anything and believing in things they can't hold in their hands - like love, hope and kindness.

You definitely don't need Santa for any of that.
They have lots of examples from real life people.

raisedbyguineapigs · 13/12/2016 20:12

I'm not sure how Santa helps children believe they can achieve anything. Surely that comes from seeing real people do things, overcoming adversity and going through bad times to get to good. Not that some bloke breaks into your house and gives some kids the iPad they asked for but others a small Lego set?

Tapandgo · 13/12/2016 20:17

Don't get this 'I'm a Christian' thing meaning you can't let kids believe in Santa.
Nothing wrong with Santa as he is based on St Nick, not old nick!
Kids don't grow up confused or feeling deceived when they find out Santa isn't real, any more than they do when they find out Little Red Riding Hood or Mr Toad are 'made up'. Crikey - let kids enjoy the magic of it all, they will grow up facing reality soon enough - sadly

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