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Original poster

I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

497 replies

timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 06:50

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

OP posts:
sniggy01 · 14/12/2016 10:41

purple daisies - my "children" are 20,17 and 14 - I rather tongue in cheek called them children! They are well rounded, honest and definitely understand what a lie is. They were giving an honest reaction - there are so many really important things that parents and society aren't very truthful about - politicians, dictating leadership to name a couple and I think they just feel that Father Christmas is a game, a bit of glitz in what is a pretty miserable world. They haven't been effected by the myth of christmas - they believed for as long as they wanted and it made it a little more magical.

sniggy01 · 14/12/2016 10:42

Did I mention that the eldest studies ethics as part of his degree??

Lweji · 14/12/2016 10:50

You do the school run with over 14s? (sidetracked)

Bedsheets4knickers · 14/12/2016 11:05

Tell them what you want , I think it's sad that you won't let them experience the excitement when they are little 4/5/6 are the best years .. you'll be missing out yourself

sniggy01 · 14/12/2016 11:11

Live in the country and drop them to school bus at 6.30am and the other to his uni holiday job which starts at 7.00. Back to do run to school with 9yr old at 8am!!

Sixisthemagicnumber · 14/12/2016 11:45

lweji I do the school run with a teenager. He has severe disabilities and can't use public transport even with assistance so I will be doing he school run until he leaves college. There are lots of reasons why people might do a school run for older children though - living rurally, living in a place with no direct public transport to school, financial reasons (it might be more expensive to use the bus instead of the car). And some people might just like taking their teenagers to school and saving them a bit of time.

chilipepper20 · 14/12/2016 11:52

You'll spoil it for other kids if you don't go along with it. Are you going to teach them about god, coz he's a fictional character too.

it's not my responsibility to keep others' fairy tales alive.

And, no, I don't tell my kids about god. Why would I? I also don't hide god. They know other kids/parents (including family members) believe in a god.

DixieNormas · 14/12/2016 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeCantBeSerious · 14/12/2016 12:27

Who said anything about them telling other children? My children never have.

DixieNormas · 14/12/2016 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 14/12/2016 13:29

In my experience (only anecdotal of course) those children who have told others have been those who used to be believers and no longer believe. They seem to think that they are more mature for no longer believing and use it as a reason to tease those who still believe. The children who have never believed have respected other people's beliefs. Of course other people may have had very different experiences.

CancellyMcChequeface · 14/12/2016 13:48

Six I think you might be right. I was the child in my class who told my peers that Santa wasn't real, although in my case it wasn't about wanting to tease them but educate them, in a way. I was literal-minded and cared a lot about things being either true or not.

I wasn't allowed to say that I didn't believe at home, so it was my way of asserting that I did know the truth! Fortunately, after I did this a couple of times, another child who didn't believe explained that it wasn't kind to spoil other children's enjoyment of Santa - I didn't really understand that at the time, but at least I kept quiet after that, even if I refused to lie.

I think the environment matters too - I went to a monocultural primary school where everyone seemed to do Santa and I wasn't aware that religions other than my own existed until I was about 9. The children I've taught in multicultural primaries have much more respect for each other's differing beliefs, in general, and that extends to holiday traditions.

MistressDeeCee · 14/12/2016 13:57

Where are the stories of children who were lied to about Santa as a child and are still traumatised and upset by it all? It'd be nice to have their input

Boring how some adults are complete joy-stealers, can't let a child just be a child. Critical thinking for children ffs..yeah theyll believe for a while, adding to that magical wonderment feeling etc around Christmas..and then theyll realise its not true. just like reading fairytales and believing they/characters are true

Oh wait...ban fiction reading too

MistressDeeCee · 14/12/2016 13:58

*adults who were lied to about Santa as a child

HeCantBeSerious · 14/12/2016 14:00

Where are the stories of children who were lied to about Santa as a child and are still traumatised and upset by it all? It'd be nice to have their input

There are plenty in the thread (including mine).

Hence I've chosen to play a neutral game with my children and let them decide whether they want to believe rather than forcing the santa myth on them.

HeCantBeSerious · 14/12/2016 14:02

In my case it was the betrayal and disappointment coupled with being forced to keep the lie going to favour a younger sibling (who was favoured in other ways too) that basically hacked the fragile relationship I had with my mother to pieces (I was 6). It has never recovered.

Lweji · 14/12/2016 14:06

Boring how some adults are complete joy-stealers, can't let a child just be a child.

Do you realise that Santa is an adult invention, not children's?

Traditionally, where I lived, it used to be baby Jesus who brought presents.

Children don't need Santa. At all.

It's a nice idea. It's fun. But not a necessity. Not even to have fun.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/12/2016 14:10

Lweji- I quite agree.

VinoTime · 14/12/2016 14:16

My 9.5yo DD is still a firm Santa believer, as are her school friends. We've always done the Santa thing at Christmas and it's always been very magical. I couldn't imagine doing it another way. But I've always combated it by saying that people believe in different things, a bit like religions. So while some children believe in the magic of Santa at Christmas, some might not. And either way is okay. I play it that Santa will visit those who believe in him, and will respectfully leave those who don't to do Christmas 'their' way - to make their own magic, so to speak. I think it's probably this that has kept her believing so long. Even when children have told her Santa doesn't exist and that parents buy the gifts, DD's always just assumed these families do Christmas in their own way and that Santa will leave them to it Xmas Smile

Original poster
timeforachangeofname · 14/12/2016 15:24

Still reading all the replies, thanks! My DH & I live in a very multicultural and multi religious area which I didn't even think about before reading this thread - there's a good chance quite a few kids won't have Santa growing up (or even celebrate Christmas) and my kid/s will hopefully grow up appreciating that everyone believes different things and that that should be respected.

This thread has given me a lot to think about and loads of great ideas, thanks! Grin

OP posts:
Twinklecomic · 15/12/2016 08:06

I understand the agonising. We had years of fabulous lying about fairies, magical dogs, santa etc and when I finally told my DD1 at eleven she wept buckets and I felt dreadful. Absolutely rotten, like I'd scarred her. She kept saying tremulously, "Why did you lie?" (Total drama queen) But she laughs about that now and says it was a good thing because it made her have her childhood full of excitement and magic. DD2, a much tougher and cynical cookie was highly dubious from the off, quizzed and doubted everything. She was highly bothered about the idea of a us letting a strange, bearded, fat bloke down the chimney into the front room in the middle of the night and couldn't understand why we wouldn't call the police. So she got told the truth very early on. Neither have been long termed damaged by the experience (I hope). Both laugh about it now.

Lweji · 15/12/2016 12:53

DS and I had a funny conversation last night about how Santa's wife had distributed letters (that pupils had written) in his school.
We talked about why Santa couldn't make it, that he had seen him go by and if he had seen Rudolph, but apparently Rudolph had an injury and so on.
It was as if it was all true and he believed in it.

DS is 11 and he doesn't believe in Santa. But we still had fun with it. And I kept thinking of this thread. :)

Gottagetmoving · 15/12/2016 13:05

I will always be grateful to my parents for telling me about Father Christmas and fairies and all sorts of make believe. It made for a magical childhood.
It is only the same as your kids watching fantasy films. Even if you tell them they are not real, children will believe they are because children love magic.
I don't remember my parents ever telling me there was no Father Christmas,. You just get to an age where you work it out for yourself. It isn't going to destroy a child when they realise.
The adult world can be a bloody miserable place. Let kids have magic instead of them being mini adults.

Mammy14 · 19/12/2016 01:41

Personally I don't feel comfortable telling my daughter that a stranger comes into our home while we're asleep! It completely contradicts everything I teach her about stranger danger.
Instead I tell her that the Santa's we see around aren't really Santa's, they're just pretending, and the real Santa is in the North Pole. He stays there with his helpers to make the Christmas presents and then sends them to the shops for the mammys and daddy's to buy.
My daughter knows that other children believe in Santa, and I've tried to explain that other children don't know the secret so we can't tell them, but not all Santa stories are going to be the same.
Good luck.

falange · 19/12/2016 06:18

Well said mistressdeecee.