To wonder what you do if you're a SAHM

[aquabluepool]

I just find the days so, so long. And lonely. DH often doesn't get back till 7 o clock.

Yes there's baby groups but not that many. Two a week. And I don't really like them but I will go.

Have you applied for other teaching jobs for next term? What subject do you teach? There is always a shortage of tutors where I live particularly the nearer it gets to exam season.

What do you mean hmmmmmm?

I found it incredibly dull being a SAHM. I sympathise.

It sounds like you don't want to work or stay at home with your baby. What do you want to do? I think you should visit your GP as some of your comments aren't normal and perhaps counseling would help.

Haven't read the whole thread but being a sahm is far more fun when the kids are at school.

Being home all day with small children can be utterly mind numbingly boring and lonely at times. You need adult company and a break.

I do want to work, Parker, but we don't always get what we want.

What have you done to get a new job?

I haven't left mine yet, Parker.

Hi aqua

I've read a couple of your threads and it does sound like a you've encountered tricky times in a few different areas of life, all over the past year (?) or so - by which I mean you've had a baby (and all the life upheaval that comes with that), work has been tricky/is ending for you, you sound pretty unhappy.... You've said you feel trapped.

I suppose I'm wondering how you think you might start to feel untrapped? What would not feeling trapped even look like for you?

The SAHM thing is a bit of a red herring because I don't think there is an answer anyone can give you that is magically going to minimise the reality of it which is that if you are at home, caring for your baby, the baby-caring bit will, by necessity, occupy the majority of your day. Not all of it, hopefully, but big chunks. Your decisions there are about how to spend the time around the edges - as other posters have suggested, this could be gym, housework, voluntary work, study, listening to music, sleeping, walking. Galleries, chatting, making new friends, exploring places, going to the supermarket or something else. But any of those things, if done with a baby, will still feature the baby predominantly.

Sorry if this sounds obvious. It is really. But sometimes it helps to recognise a situation for what it is.

Sometimes it's a gross/net thing - if you end up paying more out in childcare than you'd make working. It's a short term issue, and you get more out of work than money. If it's important for your mental health then it's worth it. The cost of childcare goes down as your child gets older, and the years working can have a positive effect on your career in general, so it can be a net investment.

It's different if the burden of childcare is literally going to affect whether you can eat or pay the bills but you mentioned a gym membership as Christmas present - so it seems unlikely that would be the case.

25 is not so bad. I found it much easier to talk to other mums aged 25 than I did aged 20 when I first had DS and they all looked alarmedly at me (because I looked 16).

If it is not possible for now - look into costs at different ages and make a plan to work when it's affordable. You could spend the time in between doing things to prepare, which would give a focus to the time.

I'm a sahm to three children. Older two at school, third a toddler.

Food shopping, pottering at home doing chores or playing (stories, dressing up, play doh, garden in the summer etc). I meet up with a friend once a week and go to soft play. Sometimes we go swimming, feed the ducks, bike ride, library. Or we visit granny.

From 3.30 it's hectic with clubs, homework, music practice and cooking tea!

I don't do any set groups with dc3 because I find I can't commit to certain mornings with so much to fit in! But to be honest I enjoy pottering and having our own timetable. She's my last child, she's off to playgroup next year. I'll enjoy the break but I want to enjoy her as much as I can.

I'm not bored. I read, exercise and do creative writing. I've got a lot of fulfillment being at home. Just being there, playing, providing home cooked meals, nursing them when they're poorly etc.

I find the same . I have 6 dcs - one toddler and 5 school age. One of the school age children is home educated.

Everyone constantly says the don't know how I find the time but the truth is I seem to have bags of time - I get bored today my son had finished all his work by 1pm my baby was napping and I fell asleep on the couch for 2 hours.

I have been a sahm for 12 years and the main thing I've learned about myself is that I don't entertain myself well

It's fine not to like to talk about babies, but as you don't really have any friends, you will have to make the superficial baby small talk at baby groups to get to know people better to talk about other things.

Initially, my NCT lot only spoke about babies, now we're pretty good friends and talk about all the things we enjoy other than babies. I'm personally not a huge fan of baby groups but they have their place.

Get out and talk to people. Do housework one day a week. Go to the park. Go to baby swimming. Wander round local museums. Do the food shop. See if there's mum and baby screenings at the cinema. Soft play. Invite friends round for coffee. Do crafting, baking and messy play. I do lots and lots of walking, because I like walking. I live near the Lake District which helps that!

I can't bake lol. Or craft. Sorry I'm being negative but it's just not me.

Aqua you're the same age as me. I'm sorry about your job, and it must be really hard to loose a job you trained hard for, but you really do sound mopey and a bit maudlin. It's not a very nice trait.

Yes all my other mum friends are a bit/lot older than me too - so what?! You sound like you are putting obstacles in your way and determined not to enjoy it before it's happened!

If you think you may have depression, go see a doctor. Unfortunately there is no easy cure for depression, but getting out and spending time with other people is one of the best things you can do for it, no matter how hard it is.

If you are just having a wallow in self pity, have your moment, then snap out of it. You are an adult and a parent and you need to act like one. Treat parenting as a 9-5 job if you need to.

I don't think I've got depression at all. I just feel I've been forced into a full time job I don't want and don't enjoy, so yes, I do feel mopey. Sorry.

Sorry you maybe didn't see he post beneath, hmmmm was a prelude to I'm not sure what to suggest, I am the same age as you and am a SAHM and I really enjoy it, I've managed to make some really good friends through persistence at baby/toddler groups and we do have conversations that don't revolve around children. I find if I have a "lazy day" where I've got nothing planned for the day and we end up indoors all day it does feel long and can get lonely until DH comes home. So suggestion would be just plan thingsto get you out and about and persevere with the baby groups as it does take time to find people you click with and then finally enjoy conversations that don't centre on children.

Maybe see all this as an opportunity to retrain - you could do a distance learning course or I did a weekend course around the dcs - got me out and meeting new people - none of whom had dcs the same age as mine.

I wasn't a massive fan of baby groups either but found some fabulously like minded friends through going and we certainly didn't bang in about our dcs all the time. They are worth persevering with.

Thanks, but I liked teaching, until I had to leave. And we couldn't really afford to retrain. DHs job is well paid but we have a big mortgage, and so after paying the mortgage, car insurance x 2, council tax, electricity, groceries, petrol, there is very little left.

There is loads to do, if you want to.

Walking, parks, swimming, toddler groups, soft play, farms, museums, galleries, shopping in town, food shopping, cooking, soft play, playing with your baby, watching daytime tv, cleaning the house, going for coffee and cake, reading, messing about on mumsnet, looking for a new job.

I could go on, but at the end of the day you've got to have some kind of motivation and enthusiasm to do these things. It can be monotonous and exhausting being at home with a small child.

I've got an 18 month old and an 8 year old it's a slog with the 18 month old, but I always feel loads better if I get out in the morning at least. I find it gets a hell of a lot more fun once they get older.

Ahh crosspost, to your latest comment, I think anyone forced into a full time job they don't want would be feeling the same.
Sounds a bit wishy washy but can only suggest to try being a little more positive about it each day then you might start to enjoy it, get used to your new routine.

Can I ask why you've been forced out of your job? Is there any reason you can't get another job?

I know childcare can cost as much as you earn, but some people just need to work for their sanity.

The thing is that I really did try, when on maternity leave, but just found it all miserable and restrictive.

So I'm dreading going back to that only this time with no end in sight.

But the thing is even if I do find another job, which doesn't seem that likely, there's still a baby in the morning and the evening and the weekends. Maybe I'm just coming to terms with the fact I can't get round that.

But a baby in just mornings and evenings and weekends really shouldn't be so daunting. If you work full time you only have baby around 2hrs in morning (most that feeding, changing, they play), 4hrs in evening you all eat, bath, bed, play. Weekends do something as a family at home or out

How old is your baby?

You said you were a teacher so you must like children. They do grow up and become much more fun to be around.

I don't really enjoy babies and toddlers on the whole.

My favourite part is when they're asleep.