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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what you do if you're a SAHM

284 replies

aquabluepool · 11/12/2016 18:19

I just find the days so, so long. And lonely. DH often doesn't get back till 7 o clock.

Yes there's baby groups but not that many. Two a week. And I don't really like them but I will go.

OP posts:
Namejustfornappies · 12/12/2016 22:21

Would that old MN chestnut Spa Day help? Or otherwise some time on your own, by yourself, to think?

Lovewineandchocs · 12/12/2016 22:23

Am I right in thinking your DH wasn't a massive fan of you returning to work after mat leave? That's what I'm picking up from things you are saying, as he "thinks it's for the best." You say you were struggling with work and being a mum-did he do anything to help or did he make it more difficult? I'm sensing he is resistant to you working, that's why you don't seem to want to look for another job. Is that correct?

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 22:25

He doesn't want me working, but to be honest my confidence is zero at the moment anyway.

OP posts:
beanabonce · 12/12/2016 22:26

Aqua, you're 24? Where abouts are you? I have a birthday on Wednesday and turn 25 (well I'm not planning on being older ;) ) I have written and felt the exact same as you. I've never been diagnosed as having pnd but I've felt it a possibility. Here to chat :) unmumsnetty hugs.

Namejustfornappies · 12/12/2016 22:54

Just remembered! Wrt supply - the agency I was with did a guaranteed work contract for a slightly reduced rate. So you agree 3 days per week for eg - they pay you for those 3 days regardless of whether they have work for you. And I'm not in Lindy either - Midlands.
I never bothered as I had plenty of work, but if you're worried about meeting childcare fees it might be best for you.

Lovewineandchocs · 12/12/2016 23:01

Any decent husband would be trying to help build up your confidence again. I don't like the sound of him and it sounds like he's glad you've had to leave work. I'd keep in touch with my childminder if I were you and do my absolute best to find work. What about name's idea wrt the supply agency?

hollinhurst84 · 12/12/2016 23:05

FlowersBrew
I don't know what to say to children, I'm pretty rubbish with them. We had a festive night out this week and my friend brought her 5yo - she was an absolute joy, sat and ate her meal, chatted away about anything and everything and you wouldn't have even noticed she was there half the time
The list you wrote about various ages isn't set in stone, it really isn't (and her 5yo is her first child, she hated being pregnant and wasn't sure what to do with a baby but it's worked)
I don't have DC, but if you told me how you were feeling I would happily join you for a wander around somewhere interesting and coffee and not chat about children Wink

Annie592 · 13/12/2016 13:10

It comes across that you almost feel like saying you're depressed would give you an excuse- and you don't want an excuse, in your eyes you're just a 'crap mum', and to you, that can't be fixed. I strongly believe that isn't true, but what I think and what other posters think doesn't really mean a lot to you in the place you're in at the moment.

I promise you there are loads of people that love their babies but still get bored to death with constant baby talk- I would love to have someone like you at my baby group to be honest!

If you were a friend, I would keep trying and trying to get you to talk to someone, professionally. Saying 'you can't love' suggests maybe deeper problems, but of course I do realise I don't know the first thing about you. From your posts, you come across as intelligent, open and very honest (which is incredibly refreshing tbh, especially when it comes to talking about not loving being a mum, which I don't think is talked about enough!) and yes, I'm sorry, depressed AT THE MOMENT, and I think talking to someone could, in the long term really help. There obviously isn't a quick fix, and I can see you thinking- the baby isn't going anywhere, the marriage isn't going to change, the job situation seems hopeless- so just been told to 'talk to someone' sounds so patronising - but it really really can help you to see things differently. And certainly can't hurt! Anyway, completely up to you what you do (obviously), but I really feel for you, and hope things start to get better for you soon x

naomi83mother · 01/10/2017 07:32

Just found this old thread. Anyone know how the OP is? Has she posted on other threads?

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