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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what you do if you're a SAHM

284 replies

aquabluepool · 11/12/2016 18:19

I just find the days so, so long. And lonely. DH often doesn't get back till 7 o clock.

Yes there's baby groups but not that many. Two a week. And I don't really like them but I will go.

OP posts:
Coffeerun · 12/12/2016 21:31

It sounds like you have a lot going on, struggling adjusting to being a mum, work, relationship problems?

Maybe you're stressed.

rollmeover · 12/12/2016 21:32

Ok OP, you are overwhelmed and it probably all feels a bit out of control right now - being a mum, being a wife, loosing your career. But you can make a small step to take back that control.

Speak to your GP, Health Visitor or your child minder if you feel comfortable with her. Remember the woman you were 18mths ago and even though she feels very far away she is still there inside you - what she would have done?

Take that step, take back control, ask for help, This is about you and your life and how you can change it.

Original poster
aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 21:32

Thanks. It's fine, I don't think I need to speak to anybody.

OP posts:
sushisack · 12/12/2016 21:34

You sounds so unhappy, you can't continue like this. You sound like you can't change anything but you do have the power to change things.

Coffeerun · 12/12/2016 21:34

You are only 25. Your baby won't be small and dependant forever. You can get back to being happy.

rollmeover · 12/12/2016 21:35

And if you are worried about having a mental health problem - it might not be that - it could be a B12 deficiency, a thyroid problem, any number of things.
Just know that you don't have to keep feeling how you are feeling and it isn't "just is".

Original poster
aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 21:35

The older he gets the worse it will be.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 12/12/2016 21:38

Why will it be worse the older he gets? I found it easier - they became more independent, could dress themselves, meals were less messy and they became interesting little people.

Coffeerun · 12/12/2016 21:39

Why do you say that?

Namejustfornappies · 12/12/2016 21:39

Why will it be? My 3yo is bloody awesome, stubborn, but awesome, and my 5yo is so helpful and bright and sunny and actually really good company.

Original poster
aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 21:40

I don't see an end to it.

1-3 screaming, tantrums, yelling, stupid stuff.
3-7 playing silly games, any conversation limited
7-10 more of above
10-13 difficult years as preteens
13-17 hideous

OP posts:
Parker231 · 12/12/2016 21:40

Why do you not think you need some professional help? Many many people do at some stage of their life.

Coffeerun · 12/12/2016 21:41

My 8 year old is awesome, funny, helpful, independent, great company.

School is also free childcare, no more nappies, crying or sleepless nights.

Lots to look forward to

BathshebaSnowflakeStone · 12/12/2016 21:42

I used to go to a baby group, have lunch in a café with the other mums, do the shopping, go home, start making supper. I'm easily pleased.

sushisack · 12/12/2016 21:43

You really need to speak to someone OP.

HandbagCrab · 12/12/2016 21:44

I've been told today that pnd is being prioritised by mental health services so if you wanted some support you could get it quickly. Depression doesn't always look like crying, it can sometimes be an unrelenting numbness for example.

If you're looking for Pt teaching it tends to come up more in FE. Maybe put a cv together and get it to your local colleges. They often have childcare facilities attached too. If you can live off dh's wage it doesn't matter if your wage just covers childcare in the short term.

If you don't already have a masters you can get a student loan for one now so you could see if any interesting ones are available online or in person for next year. Online might even start in Jan. This might boost your confidence and either add to your subject skills or offer an opportunity to take a different direction.

minipie · 12/12/2016 21:44

You're being "managed out" of your job is that right? (Had a quick look at your other thread sorry).

If that's right I think it explains a lot. Being managed out can be soul destroying especially if it's a job you liked and wanted to stay in. Sorry it's happening to you. Flowers

The thing is it seems to be affecting your confidence and view about everything - not just work. It seems like you feel in a bit of a black hole at the moment and struggling to see any positives or anything you can cope with. I know you'll disagree but honestly that is what depression feels like.

How long till you leave your job? I am hoping you'll feel better and more capable of trying things (work/social/sahm) once you're out of the toxic environment.

Original poster
aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 21:44

Which will solve precisely nothing :) but thanks

OP posts:
BathshebaSnowflakeStone · 12/12/2016 21:45

There's nothing wrong with silly games, and there's no limited conversation here.

Original poster
aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 21:45

Sorry x posts, I leave on Friday. I haven't got pnd.

OP posts:
Coffeerun · 12/12/2016 21:46

It's really not like that though.

Once they get to about age 4 they can sit and eat meals civilised, they can behave civilised in public, they make friends and go to parties, you can sit in the park drinking coffee and let them play.

Shakey15000 · 12/12/2016 21:47

The thing that astounded me was that no-one tells you just how many milestones there are! I mean, the usual ones like walking/taking/out of nappies but then there's so much more. Some are easier than others.

But generally, yes, it gets easier the less reliant they are for certain things. Stands to reason when it all adds up--

No longer needs me to feed him- check. Means I can eat hot food again.
Can pee standing up- Fab, no more back breaking lifting onto a toilet.

Etc etc. Of course, there's other things that replace them but by that stage I kinda thought, I survived the other "stages" so felt better equipped?

rollmeover · 12/12/2016 21:47

What would you do if a friend said what you are saying? Would you say, "yeh, its shit, it doesn't get any better" or would you suggest she did something to make it less shit?
Because aqua, it's up to you. You can make it less shit. You can change it. Speak to someone, ask for help - what's the worse that happens? They say, "yeh, is shit but you have to get on with it?" Well no harm done then. But what if they help you feel better? Remember the woman you were from 18months ago, what if she could come back? But you need to speak to someone.

Parker231 · 12/12/2016 21:48

How about
1-3 learning to walk and talk - everything is new and exciting for them
3-7 starting school, making friends, learning to read and write
7-10 gaining independence, learning new skills - swimming, football
10-13 going to senior school, more interests, changing from a child to a teenager
13-17 moving from child to adult - looking forward to celebrating major milestones in their life's.

My DT's are 19 now and at Uni. I miss those early years although it was really hard. DH and I have always had demanding careers and often struggled to manage home, work, children, our relationship but it has worked but only because we worked at making it work.

Original poster
aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 21:49

The thing is roll I can't get anybody to understand, they would probably think the same as you, poor woman, she has pnd, when I know this is not the case.

OP posts: