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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep a gift from a person harassing me and then ignore them?

227 replies

Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 05:22

I've had someone sort of harassing me online. They tell me they're in love with me despite me barely having spoken to them and never hinted at anything more than friends, we are barely even friends but more than acquaintances. I have never met this person in real life.

After a few months of being harassed and being too polite to block them (but being strict and making clear how I felt to them - which was nothing!) they recently sent me a "present" to a post office near ish to me for me to pick up. I was very dubious and took a friend with me to collect it. The post office is 30 mins away and the sender does not know my address, only the town I live in.

The present that they sent me was an expensive item, aswell as an Amazon gift card for quite a large amount. I can only assume they sent it to try and win me over or something? They later asked if I'd received it and I said yes but then they didn't even mention it again and we barely spoke since.

AIBU or can I get in trouble if I keep this present and then block the person? They do not have my address but know my name. There are lots more details of how they've harassed me or been creepy online but they might be too identifying to post. I want to block them as I should have done months ago, but worried I can get in trouble somehow from doing that. The person is also quite well off so I highly doubt that the stuff he sent me is stolen or anything along those lines. I think he was just desperate but he's done too much weird stuff to me for me to feel bad for him at this point

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 11/12/2016 06:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 06:43

I don't have him on social media, only whatsapp and he knows my name in the game which is no big deal as I already blocked him there when he quit. The consensus is that it was wrong of me to even collect the gift but I was curious and so I did, too late to go back on that now.

I'd like to block him right now and was planning to until half the replies told me to contact him for a return address to send the gift back, he will be getting blocked either way but still undecided if I should contact him first about an address, ideally don't want to talk to him again at all

OP posts:
dangerrabbit · 11/12/2016 06:44

This man sounds scary. I would recommend you return the gift card to Amazon as a pp suggested and block him on all social media, if his harassment of you escalates call the police.

Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 06:44

Also group of friends knows he was harassing me. First they thought it was funny until recently when they took it serious and they're all on my side and blocked him already

OP posts:
Boomerwang · 11/12/2016 06:44

He's mentally ill. In any case he's either stolen the ring or spent a large amount of his money on it and it's only a matter of time before he gets your address and comes knocking. Do you want it to get that far?

If I were you I'd get down to the police station and get something on paper. Hand over the 'gifts' and give them the username of this man or his real name if you know it.

Even if he cools off he could be doing this to someone else eventually, perhaps an even more naive young girl. It's not normal and don't allow the man to think it is.

Cease all contact and tell someone you trust about it.

Miserylovescompany2 · 11/12/2016 06:47

By the sounds of things this bloke is infatuated with you. He's most likely getting off on the thrill of the chase!

What makes you think he doesn't know your address? If you are on the electoral roll, all he needs do is google your name?

You've no idea what he might be capable of? He's already sent you unwanted pictures of his pokey parts, attempted to make your friends believe he's in a relationship with you? What next?

For all you know, by accepting the gift, he might believe YOU owe him?

Send him one last text "please stop harassing me, if you don't I will inform the police" then follow through with that...

Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 06:48

Wasn't sure if it was serious enough to warrant the police being involved but will call the non emergency number and fill them in and give them the gifts - at least that solves the problem of what to do with them and means I won't have to contact him to send them back, yay! Will report some of my posts to be deleted though, I put a lot of details in them and don't want him to end up finding me on here

OP posts:
Wafiwa · 11/12/2016 06:49

Doritos, you need to nip this in the bud.

Report this person to the police. Hopefully he'll be served an Early Harassment Notice.

Good luck.

Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 06:50

Also I've googled my name and phone number and my address and none of them are linked together. Pretty sure there's no way for him to find it. He didn't know my name but stalked my nickname that a friend referred to me by on Facebook and found my profile (must have taken him ages) - luckily all set to private though

OP posts:
NC1nightstand · 11/12/2016 06:53

You say he is not mentally unwell but who acts this way? He is mentally unwell!
You say you have mutual friends do you mean just online or in real life?
How did he know to send it to a post office fairly close to you?
I have to say I would be going to the police if I were you.
He doesn't sound stable and although it must be very tempting to accept these gifts considering all he has put you through I think it will give him the wrong idea and he could turn nasty. I really hope he doesn't. Yeah, go the police. We have been slow in the UK in my opinion to take stalking seriously but that is really changing and he has done more than enough to warrant talking to the police. It doesn't matter if at first you were flattered or if you felt rude blocking him, you have to protect yourself and hope it's the end of it.

Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 06:58

Mutual online friends, not real life. I live in a town and he sent it to another town 30 mins drive away. He knows the town I live in but nothing else, only knows that because of vague info from group chats before that he was in before he started acting weird. I never give out anything more than vague info online though

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 11/12/2016 07:08

But I suppose you know my mind better than I do huh?

Strangers looking into a situation can sometimes see things that those in the middle cannot.

You could have put a stop to this ages ago yet you have kept on. You could have blocked him, shared what he is doing with your friends and get their help to start a new online group for your hobby, reported him to the Police etc yet you have kept on and now picked up a gift from a man who sends you unwanted dick pics. Part of you is enjoying this drama even if you won't admit it.

FrancisCrawford · 11/12/2016 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrumbsThatsQuick · 11/12/2016 07:15

Just send the gift back to the post office as he did for you. You don't have to ask for his address. Let him know you have done that and then block immediately.

pudcat · 11/12/2016 07:22

If for real why did you not report him and block him.

Drquin · 11/12/2016 07:22

And block / stop the group chat / game thing.
I know it's your social life and is important ...... but stop it, and start a new group if you need to. Any scores / history in the old group are seriously not important enough to warrant staying in contact with a stalker.

LindyHemming · 11/12/2016 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blankpieceofpaper · 11/12/2016 07:26

You say he does not know your real life address or name - but he got a parcel to you/ near where you live?

You are being naive about how easy it will be to find you on social media - incrementally he will piece stuff together.

It really is very easy to block someone.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 11/12/2016 07:28

Hand the gifts in to the police when you report him.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 11/12/2016 07:29

Oh good it's already been suggested.

pudcat · 11/12/2016 07:37

You say he does not know your real life address or name - but he got a parcel to you/ near where you live? Did you have to show id and sign for it? Another part of the trail to you. I really can't believe that with all the warnings about internet safety anyone can be this stupid.

FrancisCrawford · 11/12/2016 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miserylovescompany2 · 11/12/2016 07:46

How do you know he was lingering around at the post office? How do you know he's not using a different profile to stalk you? Profiles can be cloned? He could easily send you a friend request pretending to be someone from your year group for example?

Your address WILL be online, all he needs is a surname. My google search even threw up my maidan name! Plus addresses, I'd lived at years ago...

Report this today, don't wait for it to escalate further? Does he know where you work?

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/12/2016 07:48

This is more serious than you first described. You have a stalker. When you speak to the police, take all the evidence with you and ask them what to do with the items.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 11/12/2016 07:49

Hold on a sec. There is no point going to the police if you haven't taken basic steps to protect yourself.

Block him. If I have understood correctly you can't return the gift as don't know where to return it to? DO NOT contact him for a return address. Keeping it is preferable to that