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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep a gift from a person harassing me and then ignore them?

227 replies

Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 05:22

I've had someone sort of harassing me online. They tell me they're in love with me despite me barely having spoken to them and never hinted at anything more than friends, we are barely even friends but more than acquaintances. I have never met this person in real life.

After a few months of being harassed and being too polite to block them (but being strict and making clear how I felt to them - which was nothing!) they recently sent me a "present" to a post office near ish to me for me to pick up. I was very dubious and took a friend with me to collect it. The post office is 30 mins away and the sender does not know my address, only the town I live in.

The present that they sent me was an expensive item, aswell as an Amazon gift card for quite a large amount. I can only assume they sent it to try and win me over or something? They later asked if I'd received it and I said yes but then they didn't even mention it again and we barely spoke since.

AIBU or can I get in trouble if I keep this present and then block the person? They do not have my address but know my name. There are lots more details of how they've harassed me or been creepy online but they might be too identifying to post. I want to block them as I should have done months ago, but worried I can get in trouble somehow from doing that. The person is also quite well off so I highly doubt that the stuff he sent me is stolen or anything along those lines. I think he was just desperate but he's done too much weird stuff to me for me to feel bad for him at this point

OP posts:
Scooby20 · 11/12/2016 09:27

It's the unwanted gifts.

If the op uses the gifts then they aren't unwanted are they?

Scooby20 · 11/12/2016 09:28

I thought she blocked him and then unblocked him and left him unblocked

DeepanKrispanEven · 11/12/2016 09:28

This may sound stupid, but are you sure there was no address with the parcel or sent separately? It's pointless sending you a house key without it.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 11/12/2016 09:28

I've only read the first page but OP please check out Paladin - it's the National Stalking Advocacy Service.

Cyber stalking isn't unusual and it can be really damaging. Most of us have such a large online footprint that it can overflow into real life.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 11/12/2016 09:29

I thought she blocked him and then unblocked him and left him unblocked

It's all very confusing.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 11/12/2016 09:29

"And you have it wrong - when police decide to take action they can only do so within the remit of the law. The legislation may support their action, but that action has to be in accord with the statues."

How is that different to what I've said?

And it is NOT victim blaming to say the OP needs to tell him to go away and block him. That's what the police will tell her to do.

DailyMailyFaily · 11/12/2016 09:30

MiseryLovesCompany

I've just checked on Amazon and you CAN return gifts THE INFO IS HEREE*. Looks like it would be more tricky if it was a third party seller but seeing as the gift contained an Amazon gift card I think it's a safe assumption that it was ordered directly from Amazon.

The OP could return the gift without contacting the weirdo if she wants to.

DeepanKrispanEven · 11/12/2016 09:33

The sending dick pics is neither here nor there- the OP has NOT TOLD this person to stop.

From one of OP's posts:

"As sad as that sounds it's my hobby that I enjoy and I didn't want to fuck all my group over because of blocking him so I told him to stop which he would do for a couple of weeks before starting being creepy again."

Jessbow · 11/12/2016 09:33

Is this a thing now..... That you can send a parcel to '

Dorito
c/o Anyplace post office

Sounds like a great way of avoiding missing the postman, just pick it up at your convenience.
No need to prove who you are, just that you are called Dorito?

Even better that the sender doesn't have to put a return address on the parcel - think of the endless possibilities!

You don't even have to send it to the post office where the receiver lives! Anything within 30-40 miles radius seemingly!

Sounds like an almost unbelievable service. Anyone else tried it?

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 11/12/2016 09:34

You REALLY. Don't want to give the amazon voucher and gift back do you ... by accepting it, you are giving him the green light to continue, simple.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 11/12/2016 09:37

Stalking is crime, the OP is being stalked. It doesn't matter whether she is the 'perfect' victim or not, she is a victim.

I urge her to check out Paladin or the National Stalking Helpline. They can give her proper advice without being judged.

SemiNormal · 11/12/2016 09:37

I'd call the non- emergency police number, report him, give them the crap he has sent you and forget about it. Block the crap out of him. - THIS! Or ask one of the group to ask for his address instead, then either pass that address onto the police (along with the gifts) or just send the gifts back yourself. Massively unreasonable for you to keep these items, no wonder he's telling people you're engaged when he's bought you a ring and you've accepted it!!

DailyMailyFaily · 11/12/2016 09:39

The parcel could have been delivered to an Amazon locker but I didn't think they had them at post offices. 🤔

FrancisCrawford · 11/12/2016 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 11/12/2016 09:44

I would have a mutual friend try to find out his address. I find the thought of keeping the engagement ring quite creepy in the extreme. Have someone find the address and send it back.

StealthPolarBear · 11/12/2016 09:45

The gift card will have been from amazon but surely the ring and the key weren't. So if they were all together then I assume they were sent directly from him rather than via amazon.
Plus I don't think amazon would allow first name, postoffice, town as a delivery address? Do post offices accept parcels on this basis?

PleaseNotTrump · 11/12/2016 09:46

I'm sorry, I would ignore Wolver's advice and get this logged with police. Thus man sounds mentally unwell and dangerous.

snapcrap · 11/12/2016 09:47

Wow no way would I have collected or kept the gift - but I am really sorry you are going through this. This man could be dangerous and is stalking and of course you should log with the police.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 11/12/2016 09:47

It is nothing to do with that Francis and you know that. You're being ridiculous. It's not about victim blaming it's about appropriate action

laurenandsophie · 11/12/2016 09:49

OP, are you still on this thread?!

DeepanKrispanEven · 11/12/2016 09:49

Plus I don't think amazon would allow first name, postoffice, town as a delivery address? Do post offices accept parcels on this basis?

If the card was in an envelope with other stuff presumably he got it sent to him first?

StealthPolarBear · 11/12/2016 09:49

I can see wolvers point. The first course of action when someone is doing something you don't like (but isn't directly sangwrous) is to tell them to stop, clearly and unequivocally. If they continue, then it becomes harassment, as I understand it.

DailyMailyFaily · 11/12/2016 09:50

*StealthPolarBear^. Amazon sell zillions of engagement rings

StealthPolarBear · 11/12/2016 09:50

Yes exactly and sent it on. So all the discussion about delivery notes, amazon returns etc, are pointless

StealthPolarBear · 11/12/2016 09:51

Wow do they really?