To be devastated & depressed to be part of the "working poor"?

[PhoenixMama]

I guess what it says in the title. I'm a single parent, I have a salaried job (totally average pay), work 40-50 hrs a week and I can barely keep a roof over my head. This year I've had to tell my DD (7) that we can't afford a Xmas tree (one of our usual traditions). I live in London so rent is high but if I move further out for a cheaper flat then I have higher commute & childcare costs.

My exh has her 4 nights a month (every other weekend) and pays minimum child support plus half her activities. He won't take her more because "he has to work" He has a new partner & they're constantly off on holidays or weekends away or out doing nice things (never with DD!) My friends are all coupled and tend to live very comfortable lives.

I'm just devastated that despite how hard I work (and I'm very respected in my job), juggle all of the parenting, all of the childcare, almost the entire financial responsibility for my DD (and def all the emotional responsibility) I'm struggling so much. It's definitely gotten harder over the last 5 years and I feel like something's got to give but there's nothing left. I've spoken to StepChange and I get everything I'm entitled to (a bit of London weighting HB but no other benefits) and I just feel like such a failure and so down about my life. I guess I just don't know what to do to make things better and this time of year makes it so much worse.

If you can't afford a Christmas tree you need to cut back on luxuries like holidays and weekends away.

Waggy, it's her EX that has the weekends away ffs.

It's the exH going on the holidays Waggy! Sounds as though exH should be paying more maintenance although I realise this is hard to enforce :(

Is your job one that could move to a cheaper area of the country (I know this is always the recommendation and often isn't possible but is worth asking)?

Read the post again WaggyMama.

I'm sorry OP. It is shit.

Really waggy?
I'm sorry OP London to me is like another country, I don't know how many manage.

Wilkinsons have small real Christmas trees for £10. Can you not borrow £10 off a friend for one? I know if a friend explained their situation I would give them £10 for a tree.

Or even a charity shop for a cheap fake one?

You say you provide most of the financial support,is your ex not paying his full share?

Good luck

OP I've been in your situation and it's truly shit! It's bloody unfair to work your socks off and not have a penny to spare, it all starts to feel pointless. I just used to keep reminding myself that I was doing the right thing by my kids and they would grow up respecting me for it.

Is there any possibility at all that you could relocate?

Your ex is a dick.

Try Facebook local free sites or freegle. Lots of,people have trees to give away when they get a new one.

A new tree every year?
Screw that.
We got a new tree this year, the one we had was from 1986, we bought a pop up one from B&Q.

I think the tree is beside the point though really. It sounds more like you're a bit annoyed that other people can afford things that you can't. Which sucks.

I have seen loads of artificial trees on freecycle OP -have a look.

I don't see why ex couldn't buy the christmas tree - if he cared about his child, he'd want them to be happy and feel like they were having a 'normal' christmas, no?

We're also working poor. I recycled the same (live) tree for several years - bringing it in, then re-planting it in the garden, but this year it took months to recover and I didn't want to bring it in again.

Last week, we saw some 6 foot fake trees for £15 in Tescos and snapped one up. It's not pretty but it's functional. Last year we couldn't have even found the £15 and this year it only happened because Carer's Allowance - who pay me many MONTHS in arrears - finally stumped up for last June, this month so I had an unusual lump sum (Disabled son, who is only at home some of the time so they pay in arrears). My old Woolworths fake tree was pretty well bare a couple of years back so we finally threw it out.

I egt you on the ex. My 2 youngest kids' dad is unemployed but lives on inheritances (London relatives with property, dying at convenient points in his life and leaving him hundreds of thousands, plus a flat he bought in the 80s so no rent/mortgage). He moved to sunny Southern Italy a gfew months ago and is on permanent holiday.

The CSA (or whoever they are now) claim he doesn't exist on the record, they can't find him, and even if they could, because he's unemployed I'd be lucky to get a fiver a week. Meantime he lives in a dream cottage on the coast, living it up. Kids had no holiday last year, and previously even when we could manage a holiday it was only a couple of days camping. Meantime, this poor unemployed person has travelled the world...

Tell your ex the situation. He should buy the tree. Whether he's with your child or not on Christmas Day he has some responsibility to create their normality.

It's time we working poor rose up. People have no idea how hard it is.

OP You have another post talking of holidays and weekends away!!

I'd get an artificial tree in sales after Xmas. We got ours this way from Woolie's about 12 years ago and it's still going strong.

I saw the post about the all inclusive holiday to Greece too and the weekend away.

Sorry OP but if you can afford all inclusive holidays and weekends away with a spa then you should be able to afford a Christmas tree.

I think a lot of what you say is "just" single parenthood. I've put just in inverted commas because it's rubbish but just that one persons salary is less than two (obviously!) xx

Flipping heck waggy, does anyone read OPs? and have any compassion.

YANBU OP - it's beyond shit. I don't know how you manage in London at all.

Plus, I do take my hat off to those good with bargains but where I live space is vey limited as its a flat.

I just can't store a Christmas tree when it's not Christmas.

poster PhoenixMama Wed 02-Nov-16

I took DD to Greece (all inclusive booked last minute through Tomson) It was good fun but it is NOT a holiday. I was just as exhausted but it was sunny. Also a lot of kids clubs won't take them for that long at that age so I couldn't have even gotten a 60 minute massage. At 4 it got easier.

One thing we have done which was lovely was have a "staycation" and booked a hotel with a pool in the UK (Oxford was lovely, as was Rye) then we did local things - museums, afternoon tea, took in a film. It was lovely and relatively relaxing. Hotels can also book sitters so if you want to hit the spa you can do that too. (Mums should get a break too IMO ;)

...you can't have it every which way? :(

Maybe that was years ago??

Oooh, that's pretty bad form isn't it? Trawling through previous posts? And if you paid attention, rather than simply being catty, you'd notice that DD was UNDER FUCKING FOUR when she went to Greece, and is now seven - the holiday was four years ago!

Jesus. If you're going to bitch, at least get your facts straight.

Misery

I do get your point.

But more generally, op isn't exactly saying she's on the breadline. But I've got money worries right now, I've worked out they will be sorted by the beginning of February and all will be ok so I'm not moaning.

But at the same time I'm pretty broke!

If I say I'm broke I mean I have £2 in my bank and £3 in loose change in my purse and I have to buy £1.99 worth of stuff with my card and £3 in cash to get food for the end of the week.

My best friend (who I love btw!) is broke as she's on maternity leave. Her broke is booking a cottage in this country as a Christmas holiday and not going abroad. She has the same job as me, her husband has the same job as both of us but because mine is not a double income I'm broke she's not.

Plus her parents help with childcare. Which I don't resent (jealous as hell though!)

I think that's what op is saying. Someone working ft should be able to have a holiday and a Christmas tree. And we've all I think booked something on a whim and then realised we couldn't afford it. I've done it loads and that's why I'm broke till February! I'm an idiot

the holiday post op dd must of been less than 4 and now she states she is 7 ? circumstances change over time

Stripe

Don't they just!

I think you should cut back on holidays and maybe try to economise on breathing. Also knit your own tree.

It's very hard. I am a single parent and paid my ex on the divorce and he pays the childre nothing and does not even have them for one night a year (his loss but so so common amongst men sadly). I am not on my uppers like you and my children are older now but it is certainly expensive.

All I can say is that it has really been best that I worked full time as then you build a career and later when it's easier there is a big pay off.

I would not worry about the tree. You could always make one out of cardboard with the 7 year old and they decorate it. It does not have to cost anything - use old cereals packets. Take her to church if you can bear it at Christmas which is free, to carol services and all the stuff that does not cost a penny if you have time off work over Christmas.

Yes things have got very hard for many on average incomes . Have you any chances of promotion with higher pay at work? Could you and your daughter move to a one bed flat