To be devastated & depressed to be part of the "working poor"?

[PhoenixMama]

I guess what it says in the title. I'm a single parent, I have a salaried job (totally average pay), work 40-50 hrs a week and I can barely keep a roof over my head. This year I've had to tell my DD (7) that we can't afford a Xmas tree (one of our usual traditions). I live in London so rent is high but if I move further out for a cheaper flat then I have higher commute & childcare costs.

My exh has her 4 nights a month (every other weekend) and pays minimum child support plus half her activities. He won't take her more because "he has to work" He has a new partner & they're constantly off on holidays or weekends away or out doing nice things (never with DD!) My friends are all coupled and tend to live very comfortable lives.

I'm just devastated that despite how hard I work (and I'm very respected in my job), juggle all of the parenting, all of the childcare, almost the entire financial responsibility for my DD (and def all the emotional responsibility) I'm struggling so much. It's definitely gotten harder over the last 5 years and I feel like something's got to give but there's nothing left. I've spoken to StepChange and I get everything I'm entitled to (a bit of London weighting HB but no other benefits) and I just feel like such a failure and so down about my life. I guess I just don't know what to do to make things better and this time of year makes it so much worse.

mayasun wouldn't the whole human population die out if that was the case? The op states that her ex won't have her anymore than he does and it may not be in the child's best interest in any event.

And there is nothing to indicate the wee girl isn't looked after. Op cannot afford a Christmas tree. This doesn't mean the child is not loved, fed and having her needs otherwise met.

Since when does not being able to afford a Christmas tree equate to not being able to look after your kid therefore hand over custody?

I'm sorry if you're going through a tough time, but I think it might be colouring your perspective on this one.

Bi vaguely remember last year that DIY stores were selling Christmas trees for £1 (or very cheaply) on Christmas Eve, so if you want a real tree, it may be worth waiting.

I think Waggy gave great advice. Clearly if OP hadn't gone on holiday 4 years ago she would have been able to afford the Xmas tree today.

So Mayasun I have just read the thread you posted looking for advice. How would you feel if posters had ripped into you in the same way that you are going for the OP? Hmm?

the dickhead count on this thread is pretty high

Never a truer word was spoken. Always is when it's regarding a single parent struggling to make ends meet.

The op's kid might be too young (and better solutions upthread) but googling virtual Christmas tree gave lots of free downloads..
Good luck all..

What is going on on here today? Two threads from people struggling and certain posters have to put the boot in. Fucking horrible.

Hope things improve for you OP. I'd definitely check out facebook selling groups for a tree.

spirit of Xmas is alive and well on this thread. Lovely to see.

maybe if yu'd kept ur legs 2geva hun u wdnt be in dis mess. Serves U rite.

WTAF... seriously, what the actual fuck, I hope you miserable bastards get dumped / sacked - and when you do don't come wah wah wah'ing on here.

DH and I did sit down and budget carefully before we had kids, costing nappies, food, childcare etc and have lived on a tight budget since.
But somehow, we forgot to include the fact that 2016 would be a shit year for us and that we'd struggle financially because we aren't fucking psychic and nor, I'm guessing, is op.
She's asked for help on a specific topic, I'm guessing the smug comments and lectures aren't that helpful to her.
On the other hand, that Pinterest idea is cool [goes off to waste more time on the internet...]

What exactly did you think being a parent would involve?'

Having another person to share the burden. Duh!

Regardless. No-one who Is working 50 hours a week should be struggling to afford a Christmas tree. That's how fucked up our society is. Literally what else can She do? Please tell me how many more hours should she work and pay for child care? What is "enough" in your book? Because 50 hours a week as a single parent is pretty much the height of it.

I can't believe some of these responses. She shouldn't have gone on holiday four years ago or she should never have had children just in case her relationship broke down? Why would you even want to AS somebody based on this post? What the fuck is wrong with people?

There are loads of us, OP included I'm sure, who would love nothing more than to have some savings in the bank but it really isn't always possible!

OP I really feel for you. Please take consolation that you are being a fantastic role model for your daughter and an absolute hero. Surely things should improve for you as she grows up and her childcare needs become less.

On the plus side, those posters who empathise with the OP and have offered practical suggestions and kind words are in the overwhelming majority, so that's something.

Why are so many people tellng the OP to cut expenditure and her own costs, as if theres a god.dictated rule that thpugh must not croticise companies.

WE MUST TELL COMPANIES WHAT THEY PAY IS UNACCEPTABLE.

we are in a rich natuon, where the GOVERNMENT PITTANCR for ABSOLUTE BASIC NEEDS is a strong COMPETITOR to full time hard and rrsponsible work. ITS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Focus energy on companoes who happily KEEP PEOPLE POOR.

Asda, Tesco, Morrisons, Costa, Starbucks, Next, Wilko, Sports Direct, Amazon, Iceland, Marks and Spencer, Macdonalds ..etc etc etc etc.

We HAVE to have the bravery to tell the companies that rub their hands whilst we suckers adapt downwards to have nothing left whilst they convince us its our fault they dont pay us enpugh.

Do you think Doctors and Solicitors say 'oh just pay me as little as you are legally able' NO they say 'i expect x for working for you'

Why we think its ok to constantly argue FOR the companies AGSINST ourselves is like a collective self harm project..ITS MENTAL.

Its like ''sorry Starbucks, i didnt mean to upset you, and i know you need me and my six collragues to work for free otherwise ypu couldnt earn £900,000 a week, so we'll work for effectively nothing, and dont worry, i'll borrow from the bank if you xant afford to.pay.me..thats fine, i'll pit my hpuse up as collateral so you dont have to pay me, and can send all the.monwy you shpuld be paying me and to.my loans, to your shareholders.. thank Starbucks, you definitely hace the right to exist not me...

WAKE UP!!

Op....some good advice re trees here.
If you are short on space a homemade one out of paper etc would be lovely and could become a tradition so when you can afford a real tree you can be proud of how you far you have come.
Anyway yanbu. I am in your situation and it sucks. Did you know tgat universal credits will pay you back 85 percent childcare if you can provide them with reciepts? Worth looking into.
As for your ex... he may be living tge "high life". The reality is he is a low life lazy scumbag who dosnt deserve your dd. Take pleasure in gaving tge moral high ground. My ex is a total absent dick. He dosnt pay a penny but i have decided id ratger be skint than accept his cash as it gives me more legal ammunition should he decide to be a dick.
All those who lack compassion on thus thread need a big dose of empathy for Christmas. The real issue is not the tree but the whole blardy situation.

God some people are really so far up their own arses it's unbelievable offering condescending shite such as make sure you have 3 months of savings when your barely keeping it all together or telling somebody it's their fault for having a child.

Actually Mayasun I hate to do this, but after reading your other post now, I think you ought to pay attention and change your mindset to "there but for the grace of god". It doesn't sound like you are in such a well thought out situation yourself.....and life has a way of changing pretty swiftly.....

Op, big hugs to you. I'm in a similar situation. And I had three months savings as a "buffer" but my stbex is dicking about with the divorce, not answering summons and letters etc and the costs for this month are now 23,000 (I have to pay them and then the court apportions his share and I have to claim them back from him - oh joy!) which has wiped me and any Christmas plans out.

I'm on a good salary, but I'm literally on the bones of my arse this month and none of it was foreseen. I won't be having a tree either, unless I make a moonlight flit to the local golf course

I hope you find a free and beautiful tree. I really do. Could your family help at all?

Some posters on here really need to climb down from the ivory tower, pull their judgey pants out of their clenched arse cheeks and take a walk in someone else's shoes for a bit....

I've never even been to London but reading mn has opened my eyes to the prices.

If you manage a tree I have bought far too many baubles (Wilkos ones not posh) so there's a pack and a half left which you and DD are more then welcome too.

Any judgey smug fuckers on this thread should realise that nobody is immune from redundancy, marriage break-ups, sudden accidents or bereavement. One little fork in the road and your 3 months buffer will be nothing but a drop in the ocean.
You are doing great OP. If you can hold your nerve there will soon be massive reductions of trees and decorations.

There are some nasty goady fuckers on here. Well, two to be precise.

I think you should cut back on holidays and maybe try to economise on breathing. Also knit your own tree.

Have to say I loved this though.

waggy is a douche plain and simple

You can make a Christmas tree out of anything - twigs, painted bits of wood etc, have a look on Pinterest for inspiration, lots of them look better than real Christmas trees. You can even paint or draw one on a wall. Use your imagination.

I'm also working poor in spite of always working hard and having lots of qualifications including a degree. I still work in a dead-end government job earning 13k per annum (I work 4 days a week), no benefits and no support (of any kind) from DD's shit father or support from anyone else.

I don't let it get me down though, I make every day as fun and enjoyable as possible, I just have to be really creative and organised to make it possible. I'm proud of myself for making it work.

You are right scary

These multinational companies paying slave wages are the real benefits cheats, too - they cream off a fortune from people desperate for work, and who are then forced to claim supplementary government handouts (if they are lucky).

Yes - companies have to make a profit or they can't function. But they don't have to make an obscene profit at the expense of their employees.

(Sorry to derail - this is a hobby horse of mine and I just jumped on its back and galloped over the horizon)

Mayasun Given your own circumstances, I would recommend that you were a little bit less twatty towards the OP.