To be devastated & depressed to be part of the "working poor"?

[PhoenixMama]

I guess what it says in the title. I'm a single parent, I have a salaried job (totally average pay), work 40-50 hrs a week and I can barely keep a roof over my head. This year I've had to tell my DD (7) that we can't afford a Xmas tree (one of our usual traditions). I live in London so rent is high but if I move further out for a cheaper flat then I have higher commute & childcare costs.

My exh has her 4 nights a month (every other weekend) and pays minimum child support plus half her activities. He won't take her more because "he has to work" He has a new partner & they're constantly off on holidays or weekends away or out doing nice things (never with DD!) My friends are all coupled and tend to live very comfortable lives.

I'm just devastated that despite how hard I work (and I'm very respected in my job), juggle all of the parenting, all of the childcare, almost the entire financial responsibility for my DD (and def all the emotional responsibility) I'm struggling so much. It's definitely gotten harder over the last 5 years and I feel like something's got to give but there's nothing left. I've spoken to StepChange and I get everything I'm entitled to (a bit of London weighting HB but no other benefits) and I just feel like such a failure and so down about my life. I guess I just don't know what to do to make things better and this time of year makes it so much worse.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Waltermitty..that's plausible? The post does state "I" took DD, then later goes on to "we" so I'm guessing a bit of both?

[ClashCityRocker]

That's a shitty thing to do.

The op implies that she was under four at the time so three years ago at least.

And so what if she previously could afford holidays? I'm sure it wasn't last month. Situations change.

[FeckinCrutches]

Fuck me that's bad form to copy and paste messages. She could have been talking about holidays from years ago, which she obviously was.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

Why should someone have to choose between a cheap holiday / weekend away and an Xmas tree and if they can't afford both can they not complain?

I agree, try to see if anyone if giving a fake one away ...

[toptoe]

tbf op doesn't say when she took her dd to greece. Could have been a year before this summer. Sounds like she's trying to give her dd the best she can within her means.

OP you sound like you're on a treadmill and christmas can push you over the edge a bit. Make your life more simple. If you can't get a tree, maybe decorate the flat without one with your dd.

Have a look at the whole of your life and reassess it: work, cost of living, childcare etc. If you could change something, what would it be? You might have to step back and think laterally to make that change. You might have to forgo one thing for another that actually feels more important to you.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

OP Pinterest has loads of ideas for a cheap DIY Xmas tree. From string lights in a zigzag shape on the wall to making a felt tree, to printing one with paint using your hands. All ideas your DD will love and make it so much more personal than one bought in a shop. Added bonus of them being really easy to store for next year!

[ClashCityRocker]

OP, I feel for you. London can be a tough place to live on an average salary - especially the housing costs.

I'll probably get flamed for this, but would it be worth finding work (and a home) outside of London? I appreciate you probably have a support network round there and perhaps don't want to go too far from dd's dad, but it may mean a better quality of life for you and dd.

[ClashCityRocker]

OP talks about not being able to use the kids clubs in Greece as they wouldn't take under fours. In her op, she says dd is seven, so clearly some time ago.

[creakyknees13]

I see WaggyMama is here giving 'helpful' advice again. From what I can see, there is one post where the OP mentions that she took her DD on holiday to Greece. She's hardly going round boasting about weekly mini-breaks.
Also, Waggy, you seem to have odd priorities. If someone was saying I can't afford to eat, I could understand the 'cut back on holidays' comment. This is a Christmas tree fgs. I am sure the DD benefited more from the cultural aspects of the Greek holiday than she will from a tree.
OP, I sympathise massively. Your ex sounds like a knob. Have you had the CS reassessed (could be that he has a new job which lets him afford all the holidays)? It's awful being stuck in that trap where you can just about make ends meet.

[toptoe]

Just to add being a single parent and working your nuts off with little time out must be hard and I'm sure you deserve the holidays you work so hard for with your dc. Just wanted to make clear I don't think you should forgo things that make your life pleasurable if at all possible. Life is for living.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess]

Also a lot of kids clubs won't take them for very long at that age so I couldn't even have gotten a 60 minute massage. At four, it got easier

Now I barely scraped a GCSE in maths, but I even I can work out the OP is not talking about last month...

creaky. Uh-huh. Just waiting on sheldon now...

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

OP You have another post talking of holidays and weekends away!!

And you have another thread running on which you're being equally dopey, Waggy!

Can you afford to buy your daughter (some) presents, OP? Push come to shove, as a child I'd rather have had presents than a tree if I had to pick between them.

But trying Freecycle for a fake tree you can re-use annually sounds like a good idea.

[creakyknees13]

I am shocked at people berating the OP for going to Rye or Oxford on a staycation for fucks sake. Seriously? What's the matter with you? Do you think that someone choosing to go on staycation is chucking money around? You would deprive a little girl of an annual holiday in the UK.
If we are raking up past posts, Waggy yesterday, along with a bunch of others, put the boot into a poor lady having to rely on food banks, telling her that she should have ensured she always had 3 months of savings as a buffer. Some people do not live in the real world it seems. I bet some of the people slagging off the Rye holiday spend £800 a month in waitrose on food and booze.

[BarbarianMum]

Maybe the OP was still married when things like holidays to Greece happened - and maybe when she was, here child's father was willing to make a meaningful contribution to her upbringing.

Anyway , circumstances have changed. They do that.

[creakyknees13]

creaky. Uh-huh. Just waiting on sheldon now

God help us. It seems that any holiday you ever took, no matter how long ago, will come back to haunt you if you ever dare have financial troubles.

[PhoenixMama]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Most of all it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Waggy Yes I went to Greece on holiday, FOUR years ago, paid for mostly by my grandmother. I also went to visit my family overseas this year but they paid for everything.

I'm fortunate (and very grateful) for the kindnesses I receive, but that doesn't change the fact that I work my arse off and feel like I'm drowning.

I've looked for jobs in other places but it seems to be swings and roundabouts. I'd have to work in a city centre for my job so would still either have to commute by transport or drive (which would mean getting a car) and wouldn't necessarily save on time (I can walk to work now which means no breakfast club costs). It's just so frustrating. Thank you for your suggestions. I'll def check out freeycyle for the tree. Think that would perk me up a lot.

[Doublechocolatecake]

If you go out to market stalls on the 23rd or the 24th then you could buy beautiful real Christmas tress for next to nothing because they'll be worthless in 24 hours from that date.

Do feel your pain,it's incredibly difficult being single, working full time and raising a child during such expensive times.

[WaggyMama]

Get your facts right Creaky. That OP was drip feeding.

This OP has come on saying she can't afford a Christmas tree - that needs some investigating before everyone comes on offering to meet up with an old tree they no longer want. Again, everyone should have a small savings fund.

Creaky I am entitled to my views and to question- calm down,,,theres no need to get upset about it.

[FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile]

A lady I used to work with used to make a "Christmas Tree" out of a branch. She would cut a dry branch with lots of sticky-out bits and a nice shape, paint it white and decorate it with baubles and tinsel. She did this from choice and because she was artistic but the branches used to look lovely. Is this something that you and your daughter might do together?

My heart does go out to you - it maddens me the number of men who have no qualms about spending money like water while they don't bother with the children they have fathered.

[FeckinCrutches]

Wonder if any of the dickheads who came on the thread to stick the boot in come back to apologise for their mistake?

[MerylPeril]

I got a bargain real tree on Xmas eve once - I think now people put their trees up so early they go on sale earlier.

People on here are being dicks by the way. Life changes, go figure.

[Shakey15000]

"Needs some investigating"??

Fucking hell. Are you the thread police?

[ilongforlustre]

Could you make decorations with your DD? Terrible Christmas music on, mince pies and paper chains. I loved all that stuff as a child. As a PP said Pinterest has loads of DIY Christmas tree ideas... could be more fun than a regular tree.

Suggestions aside. Its rubbish and unfair and I feel your pain.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

mayasun fuck off with your goady shite.