To be devastated & depressed to be part of the "working poor"?

[PhoenixMama]

I guess what it says in the title. I'm a single parent, I have a salaried job (totally average pay), work 40-50 hrs a week and I can barely keep a roof over my head. This year I've had to tell my DD (7) that we can't afford a Xmas tree (one of our usual traditions). I live in London so rent is high but if I move further out for a cheaper flat then I have higher commute & childcare costs.

My exh has her 4 nights a month (every other weekend) and pays minimum child support plus half her activities. He won't take her more because "he has to work" He has a new partner & they're constantly off on holidays or weekends away or out doing nice things (never with DD!) My friends are all coupled and tend to live very comfortable lives.

I'm just devastated that despite how hard I work (and I'm very respected in my job), juggle all of the parenting, all of the childcare, almost the entire financial responsibility for my DD (and def all the emotional responsibility) I'm struggling so much. It's definitely gotten harder over the last 5 years and I feel like something's got to give but there's nothing left. I've spoken to StepChange and I get everything I'm entitled to (a bit of London weighting HB but no other benefits) and I just feel like such a failure and so down about my life. I guess I just don't know what to do to make things better and this time of year makes it so much worse.

I just got a 5ft tree for £4.99 from pound stretcher - would that be an option OP? It's not bad for a fiver and the pound shops and places like BM bargains do very cheap tinsel, tree lights and baubles if you need them too.

I am really starting to hate Christmas for the pressure it is putting in families. You are working flat out and doing it all for your daughter. When she has grown she will know that every day of work was for her and every penny spent was on her. You are making her proud.

Jesus if ever there was a thread to demonstrate that the world is full of arseholes.... Op, have a nice afternoon with your DD doing some of the creative suggestions, try pinterest for ideas of painted/diy trees and don't let the fuckwits get you down

What on earth prompted you to do an advanced search on the OP in the first place? Telling a 7 year old there won't be a christmas tree is absolutely terrible - there are so many other things that could be reduced, forgone or sacrificed. A tree is a major symbol of Christmas for children and decorating and lighting the tree is exciting.

Well if it's a choice between feeding your child and not having a tree what on earth are you supposed to do??

And still no apology Waggy

So you decided it warranted "some investigating" and berated the OP for a holiday she took four years ago? How do you work out that that has any bearing to her current circumstances Cagney?

If you really feel that the tree is so important, why wouldn't you forego actively finding something from her past to put the boot in, and offer a practical solution or some supportive advice?

Just don't get how some folk can be so mean spirited. I hope you feel suitably superior making someone feel worse than they already do through circumstances they have had little control over. And I hope someone advance searches you when you need some support. Merry bloody Christmas.

waggy. Your 'information' was incorrect. You could have made some suggestions to the OP on where she might find a cheap tree, or pointed her in the direction of Pinterest (I bought lights in Poundland for £2.49, btw), but instead you chose to vilify her by misquoting and old post, which sadly, other posters who couldn't be arsed to read the thread, picked up upon.

miserylovescompany had the decency and humility to apologise for pasting the post you mentioned; I doubt she would have done so if you hadn't mentioned it in the first place, and I respect her for admitting she was wrong to so.

So - are you going to apologise for posting misinformation which meant that skim readers decided to shoot the OP down on the back of your false allegations, or are you going to continue digging that hole for yourself? (hint: it's Christmas.....)

OP... It sounds very tough, it really does. Your daughter has you though, her home, food, warmth and love. Those are the thing that actually matter.

I think WaggyMama searches for these threads so that she can spread further misery onto upset OPs. It makes her feel good, obviously. Nothing learned from the foodbank thread. Vile posts and I'm going to highlight them to MNHQ.

Such helpful posts Waggy! You don't seem like an A grade tosser at ALL!

Oh actually...

Done, WaggyMama and I hope they kick your arse for you.

PPs have already pointed out that no one should have to work 50 hours a week and only just getting by, and that large employers should hang their heads in shame. I would like to add the successive governments who have done nothing to halt skyrocketing house prices to List of Shame. Since OP lives in London, I'm assuming she's crippled by housing costs.

This is the first year we've had a proper Christmas tree- we normally get a great branch of beech and hazel from the woods, and spray it silver. It looks amazing! This year, though, I have 2 kittens and an 18 month old and had to get something slightly more robust . (Sorry if there are no woods/ waste land near you OP).

On the topic of the full time working poor with little to spare and on this post above "Do you think Doctors and Solicitors say 'oh just pay me as little as you are legally able' NO they say 'i expect x for working for you'
Why we think its ok to constantly argue FOR the companies AGSINST ourselves is like a collective self harm project..ITS MENTAL."

We have just had about ten years of very few pay rises (until very recently when people on the minimum wage had their biggest rise for 20 years to about £14k for 40 hours a week I think it was) whilst rent in place like London (and house prices for those with a mortgage) have risen. The single person tax allowance rising to £11,500 a year will help a bit but it is still very hard for people.

So for single full time working mothers I still advise to keep working as that investment in career pays off later in the 30 years you might well be working once your children are older. It's quite hard to get back into work once you get out of it.

Low wages have also been enabled by tax credits which have just enabled large employers to pay low wages and support part time work and workers.
On trees I wonder if local schools have them available? My sons' schools has put all its trees up but presumably after 14 Dec when they break up the trees will be going spare.

Get your facts right Creaky

Oh thats funny

Feel free to Fuck off to another board Waggy . You have nothing of value to add.

pheonix

I have a 5 ft tree you can have if you like

Could go some baubles as well

Neither is the most expensive

I know we are not supposed to offer stuff ....but its a tree

... and I have some DVDs that your daughter might like, still brand new. You'd be very welcome. If you want them PM me and I'll pop them in the post to you. :)

how easy would you find it to hand over your beloved child to live somewhere else?

^^ THIS - What Creaky has said.

This is OP's child - she doesn't want RID of her - she wants her to have a happy childhood, and whether her ex likes it or not he has a responsibility that he isn't fulfilling.

To hand her child over (particularly to a parent who doesn't seem to give damn about her) is the last thing OP wants. Why is she so wrong to want a Christmas for the child she loves?

Pencil you join the ranks of arrogant judgemental bumholes - not an accolade host of us would want

Jesus Christ this thread.

Messaged you OP.

I'm not very good with London geography, so this may be miles away from you...but there's an ad on Gumtree for a free Xmas tree with some decs in Hackney. Was only posted 3 hrs ago.

Mayasun and Waggy......feck off. OP take some of the helpful advice on here. There but for the grace of whomever etc. There are a few smug feckers on here but the majority understand. I am sorry its shite.

Waggy I hope your kids grow up with more empathy then you seem to have.

That is such a disgusting thing to say to a already clearly upset poster.

Waggy has probably already eaten her own young.

Sorry you're having a hard time OP. Sometimes frugal christmas decorations can be the most fun, paper snowflakes in the window, foraged pinecones, love the idea of a painted twig as mentioned by another poster, paperchains. We had fun making danish woven hearts for my dds homework, there's a great history behind them to so you can tell yourself it's educational! Perhaps make some gingerbread men on christmas eve to hang on the tree, hopefully if you manage to find one. Paper Chase have funky small trees and argos have some super cheap ones as do b&q. Of course use freecycle also.

Squoosh