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Original poster

Dd's friend has taken my eyeliner - wwyd?

325 replies

Clara81 · 08/12/2016 09:31

Dd1 (12) has a good friend who pretty much lives at out house. She comes every morning for a lift to school, and most evenings after school, usually staying for tea and beyond. She is a nice girl and I'm happy that dd has a friend she gets on with so well. I'm a single parent and not exactly minted but I've done a lot for her - I gave her my old iPhone, taken her on trips out to the cinema, bought her takeaways if we're having one etc. Dd never goes to her house, because she's scared of her friend's mum.

Anyway, the night before last I was downstairs and the friend and my dd2 were hanging out in my room, and the friend was straightening her hair and dd2's hair. My make up bag was on the floor next to my hair straighteners. Right after they'd finished, the friend went home, unusually early for her.

Then yesterday afternoon I was doing my make up and realised that my eyeliner was missing. I haven't had it long and it was an expensive one (£25). I looked all around in case it had rolled under the bed or something but it is definitely not there.

I picked dd2 up from after school club and asked her if her and the friend had been using my make up. She is only 6 and wouldn't understand what I was getting at, you can rely on her for an honest answer. She said she hadn't but the friend had been. I asked her specifically about the eyeliner and she said confidently that she had seen the friend with it. No one else had been in my room or near my make up bag since then.

I then happened to bump into the friend in town, and the little bugger was wearing my eyeliner! I had it out with her, calmly, and she flatly denied having taken it, coming up with some overly elaborate story about her mum buying her an eyeliner. I said that I knew she'd had it the day before, and she was the last one to have it, so either it is returned or she needs to pay to replace it. She looked sheepish and said ok.

This morning, no sign of her. She always comes here for a lift, so it's making her look even more guilty IMO. I'm livid about it, I feel like she has really betrayed my trust, and I'm also very pissed off that I've no longer got my expensive eyeliner! I'm not sure how to handle it from here though, WWYD?

OP posts:
CryingShame · 09/12/2016 14:07

I would go with a text thanking her for the envelope. In case her mum sees her phone, don't mention the eye liner being in it. As a kid who had friends who were frightened of my step parent, and rightly so Sad, I feel for this kid and the situation she's got herself into. It's very unlikely a very religious parent is going to buy something so frivilous as eye liner isn't it?

Is there an outside activity you could maybe invite her to, so it's not at your house but she's with your family - carol concert or something? Just so she knows she hasn't burnt all bridges?

Pidlan · 09/12/2016 14:13

If the girl sees you as a "super chill mum", it might have been a shock for her to be confronted in public like that by you, and the whole "consequences" rhetoric. It might seem as if you've turned on her very quickly, and to be fair, you do have reason to. But I think that in her position, the switch from cool mum to this will seem massive. I think she adores you, wants to be like you (hence taking the make up.)

I have been in a similar situation with a friend of DC1. Started to steal small things- pencils, bits of clay etc. In the end, after sets of Lego started going, I had to tell him that he couldn't come over any mkre. It was really sad because he had a crappy home life, but we were losing £££worth of stuff.

Branleuse · 09/12/2016 14:23

I think what a PP suggested about saying thanks for returning the eyeliner and that it took courage. It really would have taken courage. I bet shes mortified at how silly shes been. You sound like youre such a positive influence in her life. I hope she hasnt ruined it

BumWad · 09/12/2016 14:31

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Mummyoflittledragon · 09/12/2016 14:31

I'd be waiting for a proper apology from the girl.

Apologising is a skill taught to children and learned at a young age. If this girl hasn't learnt this skill, op can't expect or wait for an apology. Op can, however, teach this girl the skill should she choose.

Perhaps it is time to put some boundaries in place. Youre going to speak to your dd1. I would also talk to dd2 and decide how much involvement you all want with this girl.

It sounds as though she wanted to take a piece of your home and more specifically YOU home with her. I would let the situation lie now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/12/2016 14:32

Bumwad - nice. Report the thread then.

QueenLizIII · 09/12/2016 14:32

The amount of anger you've shown over this when it is apparently the first time she has ever done something like this makes me think you shouldnt have her in your home again.

I think I did something like this when I was a kid. My friend had this cool plastic thing that you could use as an art tool. I wanted to use it at home on something. I was 8-9. I was stupid. I "borrowed" it and planned to put it back in her school bag the next day as her mum often gave me a lift home. I had it all planned out. I had it in my pocket at school ready. only she saw it on me sticking out of my pocket. Snatched it back and called me a thief. I told her I picked it up by accident last night and I was going to give it back today, as I was. I never had any intention of keeping it. I dont even know why I didnt ask to borrow it at the time but kids do stupid things.

Before you know it, the whole class has been told by her that I am a thief. When I did go over to her house again, another friend phoned and I heard her describing in detail and that she is having to watch me now.

Her mum got wind of it and actually told her off that it was a piece of plastic and to leave it alone.

Who knows why the 12 yo did it. You'll never know now after the drama that was created. Dont have her back, it sounds like this one thing really pitted you against her. You're still angry even though you were given all your things back because she didnt say sorry on a piece of paper with it. She is 12. She really doesnt get it and you may have scared her a bit.

Dont have her back again. Just let this friendship go.

BumWad · 09/12/2016 14:35

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BumWad · 09/12/2016 14:35

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QueenLizIII · 09/12/2016 14:39

Depends how old the old iPhone was I guess. An iPhone 4? What else would you do with it. You wouldnt get much on a trade in even.

kali110 · 09/12/2016 14:40

Then report bumwad !
Seriously you think this is a wind up because the op has given her daughter her old iphone, the op has a bf and she's took her dd a lunch in Confused lol

BumWad · 09/12/2016 14:40

I'd sell it on eBay and get a couple more eyeliners...

creakyknees13 · 09/12/2016 14:41

You do realise you can be a single mum with a boyfriend, right? I thought single parent meant you were not married/cohabiting and not in a relationship with the other parent. I didn't realise you stopped being a single parent if you got a boyfriend who didn't live with you.

kali110 · 09/12/2016 14:42

queen then all my friend's kids must have nicked their phones Grin

BumWad · 09/12/2016 14:42

She was going to go round to get the iPad but the iPad was already returned? Would you not check first?

If I am wrong then I am sincerely sorry. But I have a feeling I am right.

BumWad · 09/12/2016 14:43

How can you be single if you have boyfriend? Genuine question

Arfarfanarf · 09/12/2016 14:45

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Temporaryname137 · 09/12/2016 14:46

Bumwad, you pretty much just described my last relationship before DP!! :)

creakyknees13 · 09/12/2016 14:46

How can you be single if you have boyfriend? Genuine question

I think you are a single parent in that you are bringing up the child on your own. Yes, you might have relationships with others, but they are not parenting with you.

I think you're reading too much into it. My iphone is SHIT (is5) and once I get an upgrade I will happily give it to a 12 yo.

NatalieRushman · 09/12/2016 14:47

Bumwad

Have you never heard of dating? Single parents can do that you know.

Why couldn't she take her daughter's lunch in? My mother had to do it all the time for me when I was in high school.

And what's wrong with giving her dd's friend her old iPhone she has no use for? I know someone who gave her dd's friend a brand new iPhone! (Admittedly only an iPhone 5 that was cheaper through her work anyway)

BumWad · 09/12/2016 14:47

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BumWad · 09/12/2016 14:48

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Original poster
Clara81 · 09/12/2016 14:49

Jesus bumwad - they don't supply you with a chastity belt upon receipt of a single parent tax credit claim. I have a boyfriend, he lives quite far away, so I am definitely still single parent.

And yes, I didn't have much to put in dd's packed lunch this morning, so I told her I'd drop it in after I'd been to the shops. Excellent bit of troll hunting there, I must say Hmm

The iPhone was an old iPhone 4, with a temperamental on/off button. I don't expect it was worth 20 quid.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 09/12/2016 14:50

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loobylou10 · 09/12/2016 14:50

We get that bumwad. You explained. Several times