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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I can't even cook cheese on toast'

649 replies

NaughtyLittlePassport · 07/12/2016 13:09

Prepared to be told IABU.
Having coffee with a relatively new friend, I said something about making Christmas dinner, she then said that she 'couldn't even make cheese on toast'. I was visibly gobsmacked and as it turns out she really can't cook anything!
She was really offended that I was so surprised, and told me she'd always been too busy to learn. I've offered to help her with some basics but she's ignored my message and cancelled our DS's playing together Shock
To not drip feed I was really shocked, going 'what not even. ....' and questioning what her kids eat probably a bit too much.
But really, wouldn't you be shocked if a 40 year old couldn't cook anything at all?

OP posts:
Elanrode · 07/12/2016 13:11

I think you were a bit rude to be honest.

I don't really cook and I don't know if I could or not.

JellyBelli · 07/12/2016 13:11

YANBU, and it sounds like she is overreacting. There has to be a back story. I cant imagine what it would be.

Paulat2112 · 07/12/2016 13:11

Sounds like you were a bit rude.

Randonneur · 07/12/2016 13:12

I think yanbu to be a shocked but it sounds like maybe your reaction was a bit unreasonable. I'd text her and say "sorry if i upset you - i shouldn't have gone on so much about you not being able to cook!"

cloudchasing · 07/12/2016 13:12

It was a bit overbearing offering her cooking lessons tbh. Especially if she's quite a new friend.

Arfarfanarf · 07/12/2016 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouthfulofquiz · 07/12/2016 13:15

I would have been as shocked as you OP!!

Original poster
NaughtyLittlePassport · 07/12/2016 13:15

Yeah I probably was. Hmm apologetic message has been sent.
but seriously, not even cheese on bloody toast!!

OP posts:
HaveNoSocks · 07/12/2016 13:15

I think offering her cooking lessons was a bit much, if she was interested in learning she could teach herself. Sounds like you might have been a bit rude questioning her on what her kids eat etc.

MardyGrave · 07/12/2016 13:17

But barring disability, how do these non cooks eat?

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 07/12/2016 13:18

Genuine question here. What would her kids eat though of she can't even cook cheese on toast? Or maybe her dh cooks? My dh doesn't cook but could whip up something simple if need be

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 13:19

I'd be scarlet for them, but you don't actually say anything! You were super rude.

Arfarfanarf · 07/12/2016 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

M0stlyHet · 07/12/2016 13:20

I have a friend who (having watched her mother slave in the kitchen all her life for a large family) deliberately did not learn to cook. She has very little interest in food so wasn't bothered for her own sake, and felt that she wasn't going to learn for other people's sake and find herself cast into the default role of "mum cooks" if she had a family. She's considerably more than 40 now, and has got through life very happily and successfully. FWIW, I don't think her DH and DC mind in the slightest - after all, her DH knew her position when he married her. (She orders in a mean take-out when she has guests Grin).

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 13:21

Yeah, I think if you have kids you should be able to cook.

Kids eating nutritious homemade meals is as important in my mind as them having access to clean water and medicine.

BUT I understand not everyone feels this way about the importance of child nutrition

I am specifically learning to cook a different menu now that we've decided to have a baby soon.

PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2016 13:21

There was a recent thread in which the OP admitted not knowing how to clean the bathroom and she was met with lots of shock and surprise.
Not being able to cook basic food for yourself and your children is much more astounding.

BasinHaircut · 07/12/2016 13:22

OP what do her kids eat? Did she say?

I genuinely cannot believe that someone can get to 40, be a parent and not cook ANYTHING.

Arfarfanarf · 07/12/2016 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pistachiois50pmore · 07/12/2016 13:24

I think it's so weird when people say stuff like this. Like, mate, you've seen cheese on toast. How do you think it's made? The ingredients are in the frickin name. I reckon you could work it out.

Arfarfanarf · 07/12/2016 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elanrode · 07/12/2016 13:28

I think 'not even cheese on toast' was probably a joke.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 07/12/2016 13:28

Maybe she just couldn't be arsed to get into a competitive "I do X,y and z for Christmas dinner", " Oh, I always do A, B, C, D...." etc.

I think 'visibly shocked' and quizzing her is a bit of an extreme reaction. Some people enjoy cooking, some don't.

HardcoreLadyType · 07/12/2016 13:28

I genuinely cannot believe that someone can get to 40, be a parent and not cook ANYTHING.

This.

I would think she was saying "I can't cook cheese on toast" as a humorous exaggeration, so I would also be shocked if I found out she meant it literally.

BartholinsSister · 07/12/2016 13:29

I guess her husband/partner does the cooking in their house. It's becoming more common.

Original poster
NaughtyLittlePassport · 07/12/2016 13:29

Her DS is going through the fussy toddler stage, so he has some toddler ready meals bread, plain toast and butter, ready cooked meat and fruit. She used pouches for a long time. Her DW cooks and will leave food for her to microwave sometimes.

OP posts: