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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I can't even cook cheese on toast'

649 replies

NaughtyLittlePassport · 07/12/2016 13:09

Prepared to be told IABU.
Having coffee with a relatively new friend, I said something about making Christmas dinner, she then said that she 'couldn't even make cheese on toast'. I was visibly gobsmacked and as it turns out she really can't cook anything!
She was really offended that I was so surprised, and told me she'd always been too busy to learn. I've offered to help her with some basics but she's ignored my message and cancelled our DS's playing together Shock
To not drip feed I was really shocked, going 'what not even. ....' and questioning what her kids eat probably a bit too much.
But really, wouldn't you be shocked if a 40 year old couldn't cook anything at all?

OP posts:
littlesallyracket · 07/12/2016 14:21

The heroin addict that gave her kid smack to make it shut up was happy with her choice. The kid died. Family being happy with their choices does not mean their choices are the right thing for the child in some cases.

Are you seriously suggesting that a family in which one of the two parents doesn't cook is putting their life of their child in danger? Get a grip and take a long hard look at yourself.

The OP doesn't cook. That doesn't mean she can't make sandwiches with nutritious fillings, heat soups, cut up fruit, veg, cheese, cold meats or provide exactly the same lunch that most kids have as a packed lunch every day at school with no problems. Her partner then cooks the evening meal. If her partner isn't around then once in a blue fucking moon they can have a ready meal or go out for a meal.

It's not going to do them any harm occasionally, FFS. Get a sense of proportion. Nobody's kids are being harmed because ONE of their parents doesn't cook hot meals.

GreatFuckability · 07/12/2016 14:23

I don't believe any adult barring one with a disability that physically or mentally prevents it 'can't' make cheese on toast.

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 14:24

littlesallyracket Read what i said. It was an example of a family making a choice they were happy with which had disastrous consequences for the child - it was in response to User's comment that because the family were happy with their choices it meant it was fine for the child. That's not always the case.

That being said, poor nutrition in childhood can have shocking consequences throughout life.

Soubriquet · 07/12/2016 14:24

It's still a stupid example Hoops

Feeding a child heroin is never going to be a good parenting choice.

Learning not to cook doesn't make you a shit parent. It just means you need to be a bit more creative

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 14:24

my comment was aimed at user who was saying that because the family were happy with their choices it meant it was fine for the child

Actually I said IF THE CHILD IS FED and the family is happy with their choices.
If you are going to talk shite about heroin addicts you really should quote the entire sentence.

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 07/12/2016 14:29

Glad you sorted it out, and that you are both adult enough to be able to have the conversation rather than sulks and passive agression all round!

I think your mistake was offering to teach her to cook on top of your shock. She is probably used to people being a bit shocked at a 40 year old not being able to cook (of either sex), but you offering to teach her was a step too far.

H couldnt cook when we got together, he was 42. He had lived off takeaways. I made a point of saying that it was his turn to cook, leaving him my Readers Digest cook book (foolproof!) and saying that we had the ingredients for spag bol. He made a good job of it, and it proved that most of his "cant cook" was actually concern that he would make a mess of it so he had never tried. He is no Heston, but can make a family meal when needed now but it took me insisting he needed to before he learned. Clearly her wife isnt as fussed about it as I am!

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 14:29

Hoop was talking about "poor choices" being detrimental to the child even though the parent was happy with it

Yes. But having one loving parent cook the food for the children while the other loving parent does not is not a "poor choice". So the point was in fact pointless.
And its pretty fucking insulting to compare them to heroin addicts.

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 14:30

My point still stands. A fed child, with a family happy with their choices, does not mean it's being fed well or appropriately.

littlesallyracket That wasn't the list though - the parent is not being creative as Soubriquet put it - it's bread and butter, ready meals, fruit and ready cooked meats (at least there is fruit in there).

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 14:31

NavyandWhite, what is your problem? Did your mommy not cook for you? Still hurts, does it?
You must have some serious issues to get so OTT about an internet randoms friends children only having one parent to cook for them.

Soubriquet · 07/12/2016 14:31

My children are happy and healthy Navy

We don't eat at McDonald's more than once a month and they rarely eat takeaway.

Sandwhiches and fruit certainly doesn't require any cooking now does it?

But hope you're comfortable up there on your high horse.

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 14:31

My point still stands. A fed child, with a family happy with their choices, does not mean it's being fed well or appropriately

Even if that were true, which you don't know, its still not YOUR business.

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 14:33

Yes. But having one loving parent cook the food for the children while the other loving parent does not is not a "poor choice". So the point was in fact pointless.

But one parent doesn't - the parent that can cook sometimes leaves food. The other parent is doing the food prep on a day-to-day basis.

Neither parent is actually taking the lead in ensuring their child has a varied and balanced diet, that's not full of shite.

Pestilence13610 · 07/12/2016 14:37

Bogeyface I think that is what is shocking some people.
When you become a parent, you become responsible for meeting DCs basic needs, if you don't know how to, you learn.
I couldn't change a nappy when I had DTs, pressed the buzzer and informed the midwife that my DC smelt. She ticked me off and showed me how to do it. Problem sorted.
If I came on here and said DP does not know how to change a nappy, people would be unimpressed and call him a man child.

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midsomermurderess · 07/12/2016 14:38

I have a friend whose father used to say 'if you can read you can cook'. I do understand that people might not have had the time or inclination to pick up much, if any skills, but I find the glee with which some people announce not being able to cook, as if it were some odd badge of honour, annoying. People don't brag that they are functionally illiterate, crap at sex, or can't drive without almost killing someone, why be so pleased with yourself that you can't do even basic cooking? So no, I don't think you were being rude, she was being a twat.

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 14:39

Pestilence13610 Yes. Exactly. I also think there is a massive lack of education in our country about the importance of child nutrition.

There's probably a shed load I am not going to know how to do as a parent, but being a parent means you get help, you ask and you anticipate where you are going to have issues and correct them before they appear where you can.

Actually nutrition in general.

Baylisiana · 07/12/2016 14:41

Hang on, just thinking about this because I have almost never had it...how would you cook cheese on toast? I think the couple of times I did it I toasted the bread a little bit, not fully, in the toaster, then put some cheese on and put under the grill for a few minutes. Is that right?

I can't really cook. I feel as if everyone knows something I don't, like I was off school for a week and never really caught up on missed lessons. I have so often been calorie counting that typical cooking became very difficult and kind of irrelevant. Actually cooking from scratch can be great for calorie counting but it is hard.

Soubriquet · 07/12/2016 14:42

I will say why I can't cook and whether that impacts on your view

I have a big problem with food. Be it a phobia of some sort or something else.

I don't eat a lot of variety and I can't force myself to eat them either. I just can't do it.

How can I cook a recipe for the DC if I can't taste to see if it's any good?

I'm desperate for them not to have my problems when they are older but I'm at a loss at how.

I want them to have a heathy attitude towards food and enjoy it

purpleflower23 · 07/12/2016 14:43

Sounds like you might have been a bit rude...some people genuinely can't cook. Maybe she has a DP who cooks... it doesn't always have to be the Mum! My Dad is nearly 60 and can't cook a thing, not even cheese on toast! No one thinks it's weird when Dads can't cook!

shovetheholly · 07/12/2016 14:44

This is going a bit off topic, but I can't be the only person who has heard women mentioned this as a badge of honour and source of pride? "Oh, I never cook darling, my husband takes me out!"

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 14:44

Baylisiana Yes. That would be prefect cheese on toast. You can add a little bit of onion, tomato or mushroom too.

That's how I felt when I couldn't cook as well. But as my confidence grew my repetoire expanded. Also, having a supportive partner really helped, as did someone offering to show me the basics at the start.

Bogeyface · 07/12/2016 14:44

Cheese on toast purists will tell you that the only way to do it is under the grill, however......

Toast bread to required toastiness in toaster.

Grate cheese into plastic bowl, microwave for 40 seconds on full, stir, pour onto bread, eat.

Job done!

MrsHathaway · 07/12/2016 14:46

We have a special dish for microwaving cheese to meltypouriness. It came free with Mini Babybels years ago and is irreplaceable.

You don't even need to grate the cheese. You just chuck a lump in.