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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I can't even cook cheese on toast'

649 replies

NaughtyLittlePassport · 07/12/2016 13:09

Prepared to be told IABU.
Having coffee with a relatively new friend, I said something about making Christmas dinner, she then said that she 'couldn't even make cheese on toast'. I was visibly gobsmacked and as it turns out she really can't cook anything!
She was really offended that I was so surprised, and told me she'd always been too busy to learn. I've offered to help her with some basics but she's ignored my message and cancelled our DS's playing together Shock
To not drip feed I was really shocked, going 'what not even. ....' and questioning what her kids eat probably a bit too much.
But really, wouldn't you be shocked if a 40 year old couldn't cook anything at all?

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 07/12/2016 13:55

I wouldn't have offered her cooking lessons

It's really really piss easy to follow a recipe if she was that worried about not being able to cook Shock

She has over-reacted by cancelling playdates though

40 and cannot cook, the mind baffles

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/12/2016 13:56

Just popping on again to say how much I like MrsHathaway's posts. Not just on this thread, every thread I've seen her on. Never mean, always supportive but very adroit and to the point.

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gutted2016 · 07/12/2016 13:56

My mum can't cook at all. She heats things up i.e. Oven chips and fish fingers. She may do something from a jar here and there. But just because I wasn't taught doesn't mean I don't know how. I make loads from scratch mostly because I can't bear to eat more of the stuff she put in us as kids.

If you can read a recipe, you can learn to cook. There are even real time YouTube tutorials and that "tasty food" page on Facebook with the easy videos. Although I hate them because they use too much salt Wink

specialsubject · 07/12/2016 13:58

pride in incompetence is sometimes encouraged as a sign of femininity - MN does it with references to 'geek' when they mean 'scientifically literate'.

simple cookery is possible for everyone of normal intelligence.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2016 13:58

But her partner cooks as you say, so I'm unsure of the issue here. Lots of people can't cook and I think you're being a little sexist. If a man said to you he can't cook would you have reacted the same way or simply it meant his wife did the cooking?

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 13:58

I expect DH to be able cook when I'm not around, yes. The kids still need feeding don't they?

Having expectations for your own partner and family is one thing, but why do you have expectations of other peoples families?

OP says the childs other mother leaves food for the kid. Kid is fed, so what is your problem?

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlesallyracket · 07/12/2016 14:01

Personally I think it's odd not to be able to cook anything at all, but it's not really anyone else's business. Her partner cooks, and being unable to cook for herself presumably doesn't bother her, so I think you were rude to bang on about it and offering her lessons without her expressing any wish for them is borderline weird - don't you think her DP would have shown her how to cook if she wanted to learn? I think she probably just thought you were being pushy and judgey.

I don't drive and occasionally people I barely know badger me about it, demand explanations, act like I'm a freak and try to give me numbers for instructors they are convinced would teach me in no time. It's really annoying.

MrsHathaway · 07/12/2016 14:01

Just popping on again to say how much I like MrsHathaway's posts. Not just on this thread, every thread I've seen her on. Never mean, always supportive but very adroit and to the point.

Blush

Er, fuck off, you cunt?

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 14:01

Thanks MrsHathaway I hope things with your little one improve with support. I'll let you know in a couple of years time on how many rescued biscuit operations my children have partaken in.

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 14:02

Being able to cook cheese on toast is hardly expectations fgs

Oh please, you've repeatedly said you expect them to COOK. Not make cheese on toast.
If you're going to judge everyone, don't backtrack when called on it.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2016 14:03

OP says the childs other mother leaves food for the kid. Kid is fed, so what is your problem?

Soubriquet · 07/12/2016 14:03

I can't really cook

I do a lot of frozen meals or packet/jar sauces if I have to cook

Dh does all the fresh food meals so he's the one who cooks the most

Sallystyle · 07/12/2016 14:04

If you spoke to me like that I would be done too.

If I found out that you had also posted about me so others can be all shocked I would be extra glad that I had seen your true colours early on.

My friend can't cook very well at all. She manages to burn everything. I am a decent cook but I laugh along with her and don't judge her for it. Because I like her. I most certainly wouldn't dream of offering to teach her.

if you make stupid choices you are going to get judged. If you don't like being judged, learn to cook.

Hmm yeah, if your friend judges you, questions how you feed your kids and texts with the offer of cooking lessons it's your fault for not having that basic life skill and you deserve to be ridiculed. Nice.

TheOnlyColditz · 07/12/2016 14:04

You haven't made her feel bad, you've reminded her that she's an inadequate parent and that she would be fucked if her wife died or had to go into hospital. She's cancelled the playdate because she feels bad about being inadequate and doesn't want to be reminded.

Yes, you were rude - I'd be rude too at a 40 year old parent who can't cook and has a tantrum when someone offers to teach the basics. It's pathetic.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/12/2016 14:04

at specialsubject. There are lots of 'geeks' here who are very feminine but who don't need to look down on others for perceive fallibilities. MN isn't 'the Borg' and I think your post is a bit silly.

JellyBelli · 07/12/2016 14:04

On the other hand, do you get hugely offended and stop talking to someone who offers to how you how to sew on a button?

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 14:05

so he has some toddler ready meals bread, plain toast and butter, ready cooked meat and fruit. She used pouches for a long time. Her DW cooks and will leave food for her to microwave sometimes

OP says the childs other mother leaves food for the kid. Kid is fed, so what is your problem?

She sometimes leaves food. Not all the time, the rest of the time it's ready meals, bread and butter or pouches. So looks like a lot of the food prep is actually down to the woman who hasn't learnt to cook.

Pestilence13610 · 07/12/2016 14:07

Mamushka my sentiments also.

Cooking is not akin to sewing on a button. Basic cooking is more in the category of being able to dress yourself, wipe your arse or make a cup of tea. Barring disabilities, we should be able to do it. Otherwise we are unnecessarily dependant on others.

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SelfCleaningVagina · 07/12/2016 14:07

I would have been gobsmacked too. I understand that some people never learn to cook properly from scratch because are too busy with other things they find more important or more interesting than cooking. I am a bit like that with learning anything more than the absolute basics of technology. I'm just not interested and when anyone tries to show me I find it really hard to grasp.

But seriously, who can't cook cheese on toast? Hmm It isn't even cooking. If you can make toast and you can slice cheese and you can open the over and turn the grill on you have cheese on toast.

It's the cooking equivalent of me saying I don't know how to text or send an email.

I hope she was joking and just sending herself up or that is seriously worrying.

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 14:07

You haven't made her feel bad, you've reminded her that she's an inadequate parent and that she would be fucked if her wife died or had to go into hospital

Seriously? WTF is wrong with you?

Bloopbleep · 07/12/2016 14:08

Sometimes people have reasons they don't feel the need to discuss with others. You shouldn't always judge someone because they can't do something you can, even if it is cooking. My dyspraxia friend can't cook but she doesn't like to tell people why that is and she'd be rightly pissed off at being judged or quizzed for making that admission of inability.

user1480946351 · 07/12/2016 14:08

Would you be ok for a man not to be able to cook anything for his kids too then?

It wouldn't be any of MY business. If kids are fed and the family is happy with their choices, what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else?