'I can't even cook cheese on toast'

[NaughtyLittlePassport]

Prepared to be told IABU.
Having coffee with a relatively new friend, I said something about making Christmas dinner, she then said that she 'couldn't even make cheese on toast'. I was visibly gobsmacked and as it turns out she really can't cook anything!
She was really offended that I was so surprised, and told me she'd always been too busy to learn. I've offered to help her with some basics but she's ignored my message and cancelled our DS's playing together
To not drip feed I was really shocked, going 'what not even. ....' and questioning what her kids eat probably a bit too much.
But really, wouldn't you be shocked if a 40 year old couldn't cook anything at all?

*dyspraxic

So my apology was: Hi x, I went way over the top yesterday about cooking, I'm really sorry, I think feeding DS has coloured my view of things. Hope to see you at x group and that the DS's can play, passport
Her response: 'you made me feel like a shit parent and that I was being unfair to DW. She's happy and DS eats well.
I do get what you mean about (my DS) lets try again, shall we still do (the DS's) play date and coffee.

I've said yes, and apologised again. I'll keep my mouth shut about food with her in the future!

"If kids are fed and the family is happy with their choices, what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else?"

The heroin addict that gave her kid smack to make it shut up was happy with her choice. The kid died. Family being happy with their choices does not mean their choices are the right thing for the child in some cases.

Off topic sorry but love the username and am now giggling to myself at 'hiding in the crisps'.
As you all were.

But what do her kids eat?!

Cmon, the op was being judgy and sexist. As well as insinuating the kid would be malnourished. I see no issue with someone not being able to cook and it's not hard to learn, so she'd hardly be fucked if something happened to her wife. The sheer fact this is a new friend and the op knows exactly how the child is fed shows that. There must have been a lot of questions. And if she wanted to learn she could.

I'd have been done too. My husbands shit at diy, I do most of it, never seen a bloke look gobsmacked yet when he said it and decide to interrogate him or offer him lessons. Unless the kid isn't being fed well then there is no issue here. Just a lot of judgy sexist claptrap.

Actually I know a couple of people like this. They grew up with a cook and full staff so also can't ie Iron.

I think that this is probably outside of most people's experience so they just can't imagine it.

They could clearly do these things if they wanted to learn but they don't, and their background means it's not really the sort of thing you want to learn either.

NaughtyLittlePassport Your apology was ace, I'm glad you are meeting her for the playdate. I'd totally get her an easy cookbook for Christmas (but that's because I am not good at keeping my mouth shut).

I'll add that I can cook properly from scratch but mostly don't at the moment because small children don't allow me two hours in the kitchen undisturbed. Using shortcuts like frozen diced onions or grated cheese or spice blends etc etc don't mean I've forgotten how to dice an onion or grate cheese or grind spices, just that those skills use up far too much of the time I can allot to the actual drudgery of getting food on to the table that at least half the children will eat at least half of.

Cooking is such a lovely hobby and skill when you don't have to do it ten motherfucking times a motherfucking week.

The heroin addict that gave her kid smack to make it shut up was happy with her choice. The kid died. Family being happy with their choices does not mean their choices are the right thing for the child in some cases

You're comparing one parent cooking proper food while one doesn't to the addict who gave her child DRUGS?

You people are crazy. If you're this bothered about complete strangers and their childrens food, you need to go cook yourself a life.

Well done OP!

And I'm glad you're such good friends with her that she could express how and why she was upset. You'll be fine.

It's a fair cop, MrsHathaway... You are a bit of a though, you know...

=====

Good result, Passport. I can be a bit outspoken sometimes and I understand how you felt about this but as somebody is cooking for the children, all is well - and it looks like your friendship hasn't suffered either. Result! :)

"Today 14:11 CocktailQueen

But what do her kids eat?!"

Eat in restaurants?
Eat take away?
Eat heat up food?
Eat ready made food?

Hire a cook?
Have an au pair or similar?
Partner cooks?
Mother cooks?

There are loads of potential answers to that question

I have a close friend who got to around the age of 40 without being able to cook. Her DH was a mean cook and did all the cooking in the family. When they divorced she had to learn. In her defence she is a doctor and she saves a mean life! She is awesome and I don't mind that she still can't cook brilliantly.

"If kids are fed and the family is happy with their choices, what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else?"

The heroin addict that gave her kid smack to make it shut up was happy with her choice. The kid died. Family being happy with their choices does not mean their choices are the right thing for the child in some cases.

Of for gods sake. What a daft example and a complete overreaction. Not everyone who can't cook is a bloody heroin addict.

Glad you've got things sorted OP

You're comparing one parent cooking proper food while one doesn't to the addict who gave her child DRUGS?

No, no comparison. I was giving you an example of when families make choices they are happy with which are seriously dangerous to the children. As you stated it was fine "because the family were happy with it".

I think both parents should have a grasp of how to turn the oven on and off because both parents may not always be there at meal times - should they separate and she finds herself alone or with another partner who equally can't turn the oven on, where will they be?

She does have a basic duty to take care of herself and her children regardless of her partners cooking ability.

Honestly I think some people are being pretty judgemental. From the sounds of it her son isn't malnourished so while I like the fact that I can cook to a decent standard I don't see why should she have to if she's found other ways to feed herself and her son. As long as her son is offered a decent diet why should she have to justify herself to her friends about it.

Cmon, the op was being judgy and sexist.

I disagree it was sexist. I'd be equally gobsmacked and judgey if a man said he couldn't even make cheese on toast. All adults should be capable of the most rudimentary and basic methods needed to feed themselves. Fry an egg, make toast, bung some sausages under the grill, whack a jacket potato in the oven, heat a tin of soup....none of those things need teaching, none of them take skill. Just a tiny, tiny bit of effort and some common sense.

Cheese on toast is up there with those things in my opinion.

Soubriquet Wasn't saying she was a heroin addict - my comment was aimed at user who was saying that because the family were happy with their choices it meant it was fine for the child. This isn't always the case and that recent news example perfectly demonstrates that.

Families can be quite happy making shit choices for their children. Sadly.