Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 18 19

Original poster

to think school can't require dd to come back in the evening for performance?

473 replies

tankerdale · 06/12/2016 08:00

Genuinely don't know if IABU. DD is year 4. Christmas production is a play featuring mainly years 5&6, other children are required to be in a choir. Performance is 6pm on a Friday night which means dropping dd at 5.15 and collecting about 8.15 or going to watch. Dd has end of term-it is, is ryb down and doesn't want to do it. I have two younger children, youngest is 1 and DH isn't reliably back home til 8.30pm so it's really impractical for me to watch or to drive and drop her/collect her with the others. If she wanted to do it I'd probably try harder to make arrangements but she's adamant she doesn't want to. They've been told they have to come back for it unless there's a good reason - but aibu to say she can't come because of practicalities? They can't require it can they?

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/12/2016 09:55

I guess it comes down to being selfish and putting your own family first sometimes, reducing stress where you can to survive.

I think soon more teachers will start to be selfish. No more extra curricular activities, school plays etc and put their own families first. It would certainly reduce stress, illness....

Floggingmolly · 06/12/2016 09:56

I looked at this sobbing, shattered little girl. At 6pm? Is she only "shattered" when presented with something she doesn't want to do? I can't imagine she'll be shattered by 6pm on Christmas Eve, for example...

YelloDraw · 06/12/2016 09:57

And I think if everyone did think like me it might get them to rethink and do the performance in school time/earlier.

And then have a million people complaining that they can;t ever see their little darling perform because it is always in school time!

Mountainhighchair · 06/12/2016 09:58

And it's not as if the younger children will suffer anyway

My baby would severely suffer being out late. If he isn't asleep by 6.30 he screams the house down.

WouldHave · 06/12/2016 10:01

My baby would severely suffer being out late. If he isn't asleep by 6.30 he screams the house down.

So you get a babysitter. OP accepts she would do so if her dd wanted to do the play.

brasty · 06/12/2016 10:02

I assume they are doing an evening performance so parents who work can attend. YABU to say you want the school to rethink this and only do performances during school time.

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2016 10:04

Just wondering how much of a shredding a teacher would get if they came on here talking about the 6th of December as "the end of term"!

CancellyMcChequeface · 06/12/2016 10:04

If she had a speaking part which would mean that the play was affected by her absence, I'd say YWBU. She doesn't, she's tired and doesn't want to go, she didn't actively choose to be involved (as with a sports team or ballet performance) and it's practically difficult for you. Under the circumstances, YANBU at all.

Performing on stage would be my idea of a nightmare as an adult. Not all children enjoy it, either - and some might like singing or the play itself, so rehearsals are fine, but hate being in front of an audience. Some children love it - they're all different! As a parent, you have to do what's best for yours.

Mountainhighchair · 06/12/2016 10:07

What cancelly said

The op's dd doesn't want to do it so all this talk of her "missing out" is rubbish.

WhoKnowsWhereTheT1meG0es · 06/12/2016 10:11

I'd be very pissed off if they moved the performances to day time, they already have class assemblies, harvest festival, carol service during the day this term, it's a real juggle with work commitments (and I'm part time/flexihours). It would solve the limited seating capacity problem I suppose, as so many wouldn't be able to go

MedicMama · 06/12/2016 10:12

I'm in a similar scenario.

We have 4DCs (7,5,3 and 3mo) - the oldest two are 'required' to return to school one evening for a nativity performance. They are all in bed by 6pm usually, and as the end of term draws near, the middle two have been asleep nearer 5.30pm.

There is no way that I am dragging everyone out past their bed time. No way.

rollonthesummer · 06/12/2016 10:12

Should primary Schools not do any evening performances then?

How do the working parents feel about that?

Ginseng1 · 06/12/2016 10:13

Since she didn't sign up, doesn't want to do it & only has a small part - along with the logistics if getting her there n back just say sorry you can't make it. Don't see what the big issue is?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/12/2016 10:23

There is no way that I am dragging everyone out past their bed time. No way.

So no children including your 7yr old goes out after 5.30 pm.

Also looking forward to these rigid bedtimes being enforced on Christmas Eve.

SuzieQ99 · 06/12/2016 10:24

I has the same thing when my DS was in year 1 and DD 7 weeks old. 2 evening performances, wed n thurs. Had to do drop off and pick up with babe in arms as husband working late and to round it all off it was snowing both evenings. However it never crossed my mind to keep DS home, he was part of a production the school had put a lot of work into. It's on a Friday night. I think you should encourage your daughter to do it and get a lift for her off another parent if you can . Keeping your kids back from group activities because they don't think they will like it isn't teaching them anything. Surely you want her to contribute and be part of schook activities?

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 06/12/2016 10:27

Can't you see if another parent who will be there can drop her off?

Trifleorbust · 06/12/2016 10:27

Of course they can't. Let another child have her part who is available for all the performances.

Original poster

tankerdale · 06/12/2016 10:29

I take the point about daytime performances being difficult for working parents (of which I am one) so I'm sorry I didn't think that one through. Not sure what the answer is except maybe having the school play in the evening for those who want to take part.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 06/12/2016 10:32

But 'those who want to take part' might be a real skeleton crew by the looks of the thread

You're not obliged. It's up to you whether you want to put yourself out for school community spirit. I think evening performances are lovely. Very Christmassy and a great way to bring the school together.

unlucky83 · 06/12/2016 10:33

Reading this with interest...many years ago I posted an AIBU to expect DP to not go and watch football in the pub one week in three (I lift shared) because I didn't want to have to take my 1yr old out at 8.15 to pick up my 7yo from Brownies (!) - and I was told I was being unreasonable!
On this thread it is unreasonable for an 8 yo to be up at that time of night...never mind taking the 1yo out...
Sometimes AIBU blows my mind...
I think YABU -as a one off it will be fine. I'm guessing your 8yo is your eldest ...IME as they get older, things go on later and the younger ones end up with a later and later bedtime ...and times when they go to social things and end up staying up past midnight.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 06/12/2016 10:37

You don't want to ask another parent to drop her back, you don't want to ask a grandparent for help, presumably these are things you could do, you just don't want to. You don't want the hassle of taking your DD in the evening. YABU. It's one night. Ask someone to bring her home. I can't see that any reasonable parent would mind this at all.

Original poster

tankerdale · 06/12/2016 10:40

The bedtime for the eldest is not at all a significant factor, if none of the other issues were there I wouldn't worry about that really (her reluctance, cough, logistical difficulties, not being given an option and not having a part)

Anyway, it's done now in that I've written to the teacher to let them know she can't come and why. As I've said if he then speaks to me/dd about it and she agrees to go I will see what I can do but otherwise I'm going to leave it.

OP posts:

rollonthesummer · 06/12/2016 10:40

Not sure what the answer is except maybe having the school play in the evening for those who want to take part.

Yeah, that would work .

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/12/2016 10:41

Are most 8 year olds really in bed at 8pm

DD was doing at least 3 hours of after school activities at 8. I know we rarely got home before 9pm. Maybe because it was dance based it built up her stamina. Ds used to do other classes and I would take a pillow and a duvet in the car if he got tired.
He can now sleep anywhere.

What is the difference between your DD being too shattered to do the play this year and being able to do it next year. Is it because she doesn't have a big part and doesn't think it is worth doing. If it is then she is hardly going to get a huge role next year. Then will she be bothered to do it.

Just to warn you that other mums will note that your DD is not doing it because "she is too tired" and you will be known as one of those mums. Others will have their own problems getting to and from the school so if you say you can't do it for whatever reason is not creating a good atmosphere for future parties or other extra curricular activities

Trifleorbust · 06/12/2016 10:42

Sounds like what you want is for the teacher to persuade you. Why? Either it's doable or it isn't. All this 'see what I can do' if they beg me stuff is

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 18 19

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.