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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think school can't require dd to come back in the evening for performance?

473 replies

tankerdale · 06/12/2016 08:00

Genuinely don't know if IABU. DD is year 4. Christmas production is a play featuring mainly years 5&6, other children are required to be in a choir. Performance is 6pm on a Friday night which means dropping dd at 5.15 and collecting about 8.15 or going to watch. Dd has end of term-it is, is ryb down and doesn't want to do it. I have two younger children, youngest is 1 and DH isn't reliably back home til 8.30pm so it's really impractical for me to watch or to drive and drop her/collect her with the others. If she wanted to do it I'd probably try harder to make arrangements but she's adamant she doesn't want to. They've been told they have to come back for it unless there's a good reason - but aibu to say she can't come because of practicalities? They can't require it can they?

OP posts:
Motheroffourdragons · 07/12/2016 22:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

CancellyMcChequeface · 07/12/2016 22:19

So if the school play is opt in then what do the kids who are opting out do? How would that work logistically?

If it's feasible, they could help with aspects of the play which don't necessitate performing: script-writing, posters, costumes, props, etc.

If not, they could join another class for the session, or a member of staff could lead an alternate activity - which the schools I've worked in already do to accommodate Jehovah's Witness and some Muslim children whose parents don't want them taking part in Christmas activities.

Motheroffourdragons · 07/12/2016 22:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

Isitadoubleentendre · 07/12/2016 22:27

It is not the idea of things being organised 2 or 3 evenings a year that is the intrusion. It is the idea that a parent must account for themselves to a teacher about their decision to not attend a school event outside of school hours that is the intrusion. I am a parent, and along with my husband we decide what is right for our family. A teacher has no business expecting me to tell them why we won't be attending something outside of school hours, and they sure as hell have no business deciding if our 'excuse' is good enough.

Well yes, you are right but I must say your attitude stinks.

I mean god forbid you might have to very occasionally bring your kids into school outside of school hours. Deciding 'what is right for our family'? I'llsay it again - gettagrip.

So much drama (pardon the pun) over bringing your child in for an evening performance!

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 22:35

But it's more than a bit of drama to have to drag a toddler and a baby out in the cold at 8pm in Dec. It really is.

Italiangreyhound · 07/12/2016 22:36

Treacle our school do not usually raise money at any of these events like nativity plays.

Plus I am no sure why school should have to raise money for things like laptops and books, these are part of normal education and not extras.

I think you are missing the fact that although many parents really do appreciate what teachers do, and I really do appreciate all my kids' teachers, who work so hard, do. But not all kids want to be in plays and when there are genuine logistical issues, like in the OP, it is not about disrespecting the teacher.

The OP seems to be trying to respect her child, and take care of her other kids. And having been at plays that were slightly disrupted by younger siblings making a noise I think she is being quite respectful in not wanting to bring her younger children to a school play.

cuckooplusone · 07/12/2016 22:37

To be honest 8 doesn't seem that late to me, I have DD 10 who is a squad swimmer, so three lots of training a week and I have to take DD2 (1) to collect her. She doesn't finish until 8.30pm so by the time she is changed and we have driven home DD2 isn't in bed until 9. I think it's a Friday, not a school night and it isn't such a big deal.

squiggleirl · 07/12/2016 22:39

You're really not getting it doubleentendre.

It is not drama about bringing a child in for an evening performance. If we can make it, fabulous, we'll be there. We'll let the teacher know we'll be there. If we've said we'll be there, we absolutely will be.

But, if for some reason we can't be there, I will let the teacher know we won't be there. I won't, however, be offering an excuse that the teacher then gets to judge to be acceptable or not.

What you also seem to be missing is the idea that Christmas concerts happen very successfully in other countries without the need for such demands on the part of the school.

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 22:39

Mine have all been in bed by 7pm until they were about 6yrs. They are up well before 7am so very ready for bed at 7pm.

BakeOffBiscuits · 07/12/2016 22:40

I agree with you Dora

I understand why schools want the children to turn up, but out of a school full of children, there will be some who will not be able to attend. Why is that so difficult to accept?Confused

And the teachers should not make the parents or child feel guilty about it!

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 22:41

Plus, I don't suppose picking up from swimming means parking nearly 10mins away thenwaiting 15mins outside in the cold with a baby and toddler.

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 22:45

Thank you, BakeOff, it really isn't always an 'I'm alright Jack' selfish attitude from parents. For a small minority it really is extremely difficult and has no bearing on whether they support school or appreciate the hard work of the teachers.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/12/2016 22:46

Plus I am no sure why school should have to raise money for things like laptops and books, these are part of normal education and not extras

Maybe you should tell the government that.

Permanentlyexhausted · 07/12/2016 22:47

Plus I am no sure why school should have to raise money for things like laptops and books, these are part of normal education and not extras.

Hahaha! Very funny!

Yeah, in an ideal world they would be. In reality for most schools, the budget just ain't going stretch that far.

BertrandRussell · 07/12/2016 22:49

Of course there will be some children who can't attend.

But that's not what this thread is about, is it?

thatdearoctopus · 07/12/2016 22:57

Plus, I don't suppose picking up from swimming means parking nearly 10mins away then waiting 15mins outside in the cold with a baby and toddler.

No, it would be much worse, round our way. Swimming car park always full (meaning a walk much longer than 10 mins) and even if there is a space, you have to register your number plate inside to prove you're using the facilities, otherwise you cop for a fine.

MidniteScribbler · 07/12/2016 23:02

But it's more than a bit of drama to have to drag a toddler and a baby out in the cold at 8pm in Dec. It really is.

Do they melt?

At my school, we call these the 'ya knowers'. The ones that use 'But I have a baby, ya know!' as a substitute for 'well I could, but I'm too fucking lazy to put myself out'.

BertrandRussell · 07/12/2016 23:06

SmLl children are always "dragged" to things their parent doesn't want to do........

SemiNormal · 07/12/2016 23:11

At my school, we call these the 'ya knowers'. The ones that use 'But I have a baby, ya know!' as a substitute for 'well I could, but I'm too fucking lazy to put myself out'.

Or perhaps the parent has depression.
Or perhaps they don't have a good support network.
Or perhaps they can't afford to eat that week let alone pay for a ticket for school concert.
Or a number of other reasons that you may not be privy to.

But don't let false attribution error get in the way of your smugness will you. Hmm

yummumto3girls · 07/12/2016 23:13

This thread is gobsmacking, the two diverse views is amazing. I am in the camp, if your child has committed then you should be there, not let everyone down last minute. OP you would have known this a few weeks ago, you could have let the school know then or made alternative arrangements (or given your DH a kick up the arse!). Your DD is not wanting to go because you have somehow indicated she has a choice so you have set yourself up. All of you need to picture your DD or DS getting the main part next year, turning up excited to watch them to realise half the chorus did not turn up because "no one would miss them". how sad would that be for your child.

Teach your child commitment, show some respect for school and teachers working hard to give YOU precious memories of your children.

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 23:13

You are joking?
They are bathed at 6.30 and in bed by 7. The toddler was up at 6.30 and had given up napping so really only just managed to get through tea and up to bath at 6.30. Having to put shoes on and drag them out in cold to walk and wait in the cold for their brother to finish signing is quite difficult actually. Only on MN would people be suggesting it was lazy parenting to find this difficult. Standing outside in the freezing cold with 2 screaming children under 5 until 8.15! And I suppose it's also lazy parenting that I couldn't see my son's nativity this year as I didn't have childcare for his younger sibling?

BakeOffBiscuits · 07/12/2016 23:14

There are some right goady fuckers on this thread.

YelloDraw · 07/12/2016 23:16

But it's more than a bit of drama to have to drag a toddler and a baby out in the cold at 8pm in Dec. It really is.

Why did you decide to have more children than you can easily look after? Shame for your eldest to miss out on things because you can't be bothered to take them places because it's too hard.

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 23:17

SmLl children are always "dragged" to things their parent doesn't want to do........

Yes because most non lazy parents have a real longing to take 2 young children out at night in the freezing cold. It can't possibly be that I'd be more than happy to collect my son at that time if I was lucky enough to have anyone else able to look after my children; ever.

budgiegirl · 07/12/2016 23:18

I think YABU, OP. I get that the timing is not ideal, but you do state you would try harder to get her there if she wanted to go. So it clearly is possible to do it, just inconvenient (which I do understand) .

But unfortunately getting kids to clubs/events with siblings in tow is part and parcel of being a parent. I think it's important to teach your kids that they don't let others down. If your Dd had a bigger part in the play, I'm sure you'd manage to get her there.

Is there really no way of your DH getting home in time to collect her as a one off? Or asking another parent to bring her home - she's not likely to have a tantrum after the event, is she?

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