to think school can't require dd to come back in the evening for performance?

[tankerdale]

Genuinely don't know if IABU. DD is year 4. Christmas production is a play featuring mainly years 5&6, other children are required to be in a choir. Performance is 6pm on a Friday night which means dropping dd at 5.15 and collecting about 8.15 or going to watch. Dd has end of term-it is, is ryb down and doesn't want to do it. I have two younger children, youngest is 1 and DH isn't reliably back home til 8.30pm so it's really impractical for me to watch or to drive and drop her/collect her with the others. If she wanted to do it I'd probably try harder to make arrangements but she's adamant she doesn't want to. They've been told they have to come back for it unless there's a good reason - but aibu to say she can't come because of practicalities? They can't require it can they?

But seriously do people really think it is ok to make an 8 y old who really doesn't want to be in a play perform anyway?

I hated that kind of thing as a child. I actually found it awful being made to get up on stage.

As an adult being expected to attend social events with work etc has been awful.

Society is hugely hugely geared towards extroverts. Some of us just aren't into it.

Doesn't make us selfish or entitled.

Yeah but gilly how many of these mythical orchestra recitals, hockey matches or professional performances clash with the school play?

Honestly, I have been a teacher for a good few years in a large school ajd can count on one hand the number of kids who have missed an evening performance for any reason other than illness. And these are very active kids who do all sorts out of school. Maybe we are just lucky with our parents, I dunno? But we tell then to come in the evening and ......they do!

Hi think it's selfish and entitled to expect every child to be available for an out of school hours performance.

I think it's selfish and entitled to talk about working parents in the way you have.

But it does give you a clear picture of all the children wh carnt commit. Plus the fact so many don't turn up should be an indication that what you are expectng us impossible to a majority of family's.

It's not impossible, it's just too much of a faff!

Society is hugely hugely geared towards extroverts.

You don't have to be an 'extrovert' to perform in a school play. And yes, i think part of life's lessons is that sometimes you.take part in things that aren't necessarily your bag. I hated sports day as a kids, I was crap. My mum must have cringed watching me and i probably never won any points for my house. But I don't think anyone would have done me any favours telling me I didn't have to take part.

I have tried to explain that a whole class of children, young children, should not be expected to attend for the convieience of working parents.

Have to say that I'm struggling to see what is so entitled and selfish about teachers giving up many hours of their time (often at the expense of their own families) to put on a performance to showcase other people's kids. Is it really so unreasonable to want as many as possible of those kids to turn up in order to make it a success?

Plus the fact so many don't turn up should be an indication that what you are expectng us impossible to a majority of family's.

Impossible my arse.

isit

For a few years there were members of the county orchestra and ensembles who missed their school plays, due to concerts.
Once you were in the county ensembles 100% commitment was required and you didn't miss any unless ill. Especially not a school production, even from age 8 in the lower ability groups.
The kids had to tell their respective school they would not be able to join in.

As they got older it was the same for those who were county level hockey players like my ds1 and 2, they didn't do anything at school, it wasn't
practical with the work.

In fact, although admittedly an unusual situation our dd left school aged 8 as it interfered with her career (as she put it).
Before this she would be performing, filming or recording certainly not singing at school outside school hours.

But I don't think anyone would have done me any favours telling me I didn't have to take part.

Really? I'm not sure it's done me any favours being forced to do school plays, sports days etc etc throughout my childhood.

I have tried to explain that a whole class of children, young children, should not be expected to attend for the convieience of working parents.

And we have tried to explain that it's not purely for the convenience of working parents, but to the benefit of the children.

As somebody (thankfully) not having to deal with the UK education system, I do often wonder why parents in the UK tolerate such intrusion from schools into family life.

In my kid's school, the plays used to be during the school day. This was a problem for working parents, and feedback was provided to the school via the parent's council. As a result, a compromise was reached.

Those children in the first 2 years of school still have their concert during school hours. This was acceptable to parents as it was only for 2 years that this set-up would exist.

There are then 2 short concerts on 2 separate evenings. Those in their 3rd-5th years of school have a concert one night. Those in their 6th-8th years are the next night. The concerts are from 6-7.30, as this was most suitable for working parents and those with young children in their families.

Finally, before assigning any parts, parents are advised of the date of the concert, and asked to confirm if their children are able to attend. It is a simple yes/no. No excuses, no accounting for yourself. The parent decides what their family is doing that evening. If you can attend, great. If not, no problem.

I find it shocking that any parent would find themselves accounting for the whereabouts of their child to a teacher, and trying to work out a good reason for why their child was not in attendance at an event that was taking place outside of school hours, and that neither child not parent had been consulted with about partaking in. It is just not something that I think would be expected/tolerated here....

gillybeanz

These are children that have signed up to attend and "wanted" to do the activity.

my2bundles

The dates for the activities that I have done are known well in advance, yet I still get bumped and other team members still get let down.
Maybe the parents should check that the dates don't clash?

But I don't think anyone would have done me any favours telling me I didn't have to take part.

Agree. Otherwise you might have ended up one of those entitled people in life who think it's OK to opt in and out of things at their own convenience and sod anyone else. After all, "my child comes first."

In fact, although admittedly an unusual situation our dd left school aged 8 as it interfered with her career (as she put it).
Before this she would be performing, filming or recording certainly not singing at school outside school hours.

Yes, that is an unusual situation and therefore pretty much completeky irrelevant to what we are discussing here. Like I said, I have taught kids over the years who take part in professional productions, orchestras, various sports to a fairly high level etc outside of school. And funnily enough they have all been able to get to school a couple of evenings out of the year for thr school play.

I do often wonder why parents in the UK tolerate such intrusion from schools into family life.

Do you ever also wonder about the rubbish teachers also have to put up with from some parents?

I hardly think a couple of times a year is 'such intrusion'

Taking part in a school play during school hours benefits my child. Being expected to take part n one during the evening making him miss training does nothing to benefit him s please don't try to say otherwise.

Funnily enough, someone asked me not long ago why I haven't put on a school play in a few years (and if I say so myself, they were bloody good productions!). This thread has reminded me why.

I do often wonder why parents in the UK tolerate such intrusion from schools into family life.

Agree.

I finally quit teaching when my school thought it appropriate to send letters home demanding that parents not keep their children home if said child had a temperature as this was not deemed to be sick enough to stay off.

But it's ok for them to opt in and out of their other activities to suit you?

does nothing to benefit him

Yep. That's called being selfish and entitled. Not interested in attempting to persuade you of anything more. You're clearly not able to take on board anyone else's point of view but your own.

gilly the performances of county ensembles and sports teams would be known to the school. In every school I've worked in or had any kind of contact with (a lot as I've been teaching since the 80s, have had a DD go through the system and have lots of friends and family with children or who are teachers) wouldn't clasha school event with a county one.
In any case, that isn't what is happening here - the OPs DD has no other commitment.
bundles without working parents most schools wouldn't run - many, many teachers are also parents. You are suggesting they should organise events for your children but never, ever be able to see their own children take part. And you don't think that is selfish?