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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think school can't require dd to come back in the evening for performance?

473 replies

tankerdale · 06/12/2016 08:00

Genuinely don't know if IABU. DD is year 4. Christmas production is a play featuring mainly years 5&6, other children are required to be in a choir. Performance is 6pm on a Friday night which means dropping dd at 5.15 and collecting about 8.15 or going to watch. Dd has end of term-it is, is ryb down and doesn't want to do it. I have two younger children, youngest is 1 and DH isn't reliably back home til 8.30pm so it's really impractical for me to watch or to drive and drop her/collect her with the others. If she wanted to do it I'd probably try harder to make arrangements but she's adamant she doesn't want to. They've been told they have to come back for it unless there's a good reason - but aibu to say she can't come because of practicalities? They can't require it can they?

OP posts:
Isitadoubleentendre · 07/12/2016 21:43

'such intrusion from schools into family life'.

Its 2 or 3 evenings out of the year.

Get. A. Grip.

Motheroffourdragons · 07/12/2016 21:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

SemiNormal · 07/12/2016 21:45

Absolutely crying at this thread! Can't believe people are so over-invested in a school play! Grin

thatdearoctopus · 07/12/2016 21:46

And the prize goes to SemiNormal for missing the fucking point.

my2bundles · 07/12/2016 21:47

Card no where on this thread have I suggested that.

treacle3112 · 07/12/2016 21:48

So let's try putting this another way that some may then understand as they clearly aren't understanding us teachers frustrations. MONEY!! How many of your children's schools have refreshments/stalls/Xmas fairs after the school nativity in the evening? I know many many do. Who is it that runs these? Oh yes generally the PTA. And what are they raising money for? The good of your children and your child's school. So, if children 'are too tired' or have an extremely important England final football match at Wembley Stadium to play in as some seem to think their DC are playing, how are the school going to raise money for the new laptops that they will use? The new books in the library? The new sports equipment for PE? The list is truly endless. If parents can't be bothered to take them as it's too much bother then that vital money isn't raised and them laptops cannot be bought. At the end of the day everything that's done is for the good of the children.

Mountainhighchair · 07/12/2016 21:48

Yy semi

SemiNormal · 07/12/2016 21:52

thatdearoctopus Thank you dear.

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/12/2016 21:54

SemiNormal

I would think that those that are "over-invested" are those that have sunk a lot of time in to something that is just "a school play".

gillybeanz

I have no problem with pupils that have other long term commitments, the reason being that they let me know well in advance, exactly what they can do/can't do, give me dates that they can attend practice and which events that they can attend.

BetweenTwoLungs · 07/12/2016 21:57

Interesting that people would be happy for their child's own teach not to see their own child perform if there were no evening performances... lovely selfish attitude there,

CancellyMcChequeface · 07/12/2016 21:57

Really? I'm not sure it's done me any favours being forced to do school plays, sports days etc etc throughout my childhood.

Me either. Another introvert here.

Lots of adults would be horrified at the thought of having to play competitive sports, sing or act in front of spectators. That's acceptable, even though we recognise that other adults really enjoy these things and do them for fun. Some people seem to lack empathy where children are concerned, and don't really see them as individuals.

If anything, I was put off so much by being forced to take part in things at school that I'm less likely to give things a go as an adult.

Theimpossiblegirl · 07/12/2016 21:57

It's really sad that the parents who can only attend in the evening get less of a show because people who have already seen it can't be arsed to bring their kids back.

The teachers have had to make arrangements for their own children so that they can stay behind for the performance too. For the kids they teach and their families, not for themselves. I'm sure they would rather be at home.

People would soon moan if these extras stopped. Imagine the moaning if schools stopped doing Christmas shows/concerts because they were tired/run down/needed to be home for their own kids.

BetweenTwoLungs · 07/12/2016 22:01

What do you want your child to be doing then while I'm teaching the rest of them the performance? If being in it is optional?

SemiNormal · 07/12/2016 22:03

I would think that those that are "over-invested" are those that have sunk a lot of time in to something that is just "a school play". - Look, some people want a play, some people love it. Others don't, some kids fucking despise it, rarely are they actually even asked if they would like to take part yet it's foisted upon them and their parents and then they are made to feel like shit if they're not up for it. You can't force people to give a shit about the school play.

Mountainhighchair · 07/12/2016 22:03

f anything, I was put off so much by being forced to take part in things at school that I'm less likely to give things a go as an adult.

Quite. Me too.

ihatebikerides · 07/12/2016 22:05

You can't force people to give a shit about the school play.

Fine. As long as you don't expect teachers to give a shit about enhancing the curriculum for your kids either.

Isitadoubleentendre · 07/12/2016 22:06

So if the school play is opt in then what do the kids who are opting out do? How would that work logistically? Or would the parents get to make a list of 'approved' activities for their child to do and a member of staff (not the teacher as they are doing the play) can bow to that?

Isitadoubleentendre · 07/12/2016 22:09

As long as you don't expect teachers to give a shit about enhancing the curriculum for your kids either.

Yes, exactly, let's just not bother making an effort. Then at least we would be in line with a lot of the parents.

gillybeanz · 07/12/2016 22:11

Boney

My apologies Thanks

I totally agree and my dc were given strict instructions never to accept a lead or important role (not that they were offered any) in case they couldn't commit and all important dates were given to teachers.
I really hate people commiting and then backing out unless ill.

I do think that children should be given the choice and parents work around their wishes and not what fits with the family.
Some parents would not be able to make it whenever it was, others would have to take time off, like I'm having to do.
It isn't about parents working during the day at all, if they only did these things at night, people working evenings couldn't attend.

The amount of parents who can't commit to a 2 hour slot between the hours of 8am - 8pm Mon/Fri or all day Saturday is astounding, not found one yet.
You can book at time, but they can never specify in advance.
I was really surprised to find this.
It's part of my new job and I was quite shocked tbh.

mamaduckbone · 07/12/2016 22:11

The message I give my class about our Christmas Carol concert is that if I am willing to give up an evening with my family to run your end of term disco, you should be willing to give up an evening to sing in church.
Hope this helps.
Teachers don't have to spend their evenings putting on school plays for parents to watch.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't...

SemiNormal · 07/12/2016 22:13

Fine. As long as you don't expect teachers to give a shit about enhancing the curriculum for your kids either. - FFS what has my child got to do with it, he did his concert last night, he was a shepherd Grin

Mountainhighchair · 07/12/2016 22:14

No you don't have to, absolutely not. I don't expect you to either.

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 22:16

It is important and I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to watch my son but it is hard work dragging younger children out in the cold and the dark when it's way past their bedtime so you can hang around (they never finish in time) to pick up the older one.

2yrs ago I had to drag a toddler and a baby out first at 6pm to drop him off and then again at 8pm to pick him up. I needed to park over 5mins away and walk in the cold and the dark with both of them screaming. Then wait 15minutes in the cold until he was finished and allowed to leave. It was hideous. He loved it and was very keen to do it but I have to admit that if he hadn't been keen I may have tried to get out of it too.

The truth is that however much people say 'oh what would happen if everyone did that' the reality is that most people are not in a similar situation to us. Most have some flexibility with work, or at least one living extended family member. For those of us in such situations, getting their older child to and from these things and in my case this year, missing the nativity as I wasn't allowed to bring my toddler then a little understanding and empathy from school that it's really, really hard would help. I appreciate my DC's teachers and all they do. I know how much they do above and beyond but that doesn't make it any easier for parents like me.

squiggleirl · 07/12/2016 22:16

*'such intrusion from schools into family life'.

Its 2 or 3 evenings out of the year.

Get. A. Grip.

It is not the idea of things being organised 2 or 3 evenings a year that is the intrusion. It is the idea that a parent must account for themselves to a teacher about their decision to not attend a school event outside of school hours that is the intrusion. I am a parent, and along with my husband we decide what is right for our family. A teacher has no business expecting me to tell them why we won't be attending something outside of school hours, and they sure as hell have no business deciding if our 'excuse' is good enough. Teachers do not get to pass judgement on how we prioritise things within our family, and thankfully, as we don't live in the UK, in the 11 years my kids have been in school, none have dared to ask us to account for ourselves in such a way.

BertrandRussell · 07/12/2016 22:17

Maybe there could be special dispensations for children performing professionally and playing sport at national level. I. An see how that could be difficult.

Mine only ever played at county level, and only one had ever performed at the National Theatre. So there was never a problem with them getting an evening off training or rehearsals to take part in a school event.......

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