DH works nights, asked for more help AIBU

[mummyof2est2009]

Hi there
DH works 12hr night shift. We have DD who's 7 and DS who is 2. Recently I have been struggling to get everything done especially in the evening i.e. Cooking dinner cleaning, bath and bedtime routines etc. By the time I've finished everything it's time for me to go to bed myself as DS gets up at 5am.

Asked DH if he would go to bed earlier and get up earlier so he can help with the part of the day I find most difficult. It works out he would still be able to get 7.5 hours sleep. He agreed that would be fine.

So we try it out... he gets up says he's too tired and goes back to bed. I'm so cross at him.
AIBU??

OP I think oreo's trying to imply you're lazy. It's not working just ignore.

get him to drop nights then and work days op?

I used to do 12 hour nights and a they were a killer. The only way to cope with them I found was to get up out of bed as close to my starting time as possible just like people who work day jobs do. On a day shift I set my alarm for 45 minutes before I have to leave the house and when I did nights I did the same.

Going to sleep after work is hard because you're still buzzing from being at work? Do people who work during the day go to bed as soon as they get home at 6pm? Of course not. Night time workers usually need time to switch off and relax before going to bed just like day workers do.

Can you imagine if you started work at 8am and you were expected to get up at 5am and be awake for three hours before even starting your 12 hour shift? It would be horrendous!

I used to have to leave my house at 7.45pm and so I didn't get out of bed until 7pm. I then got home at 8.30am and I wouldn't go to bed until about 11am.

As a sufferer of night shifts I think YABU to ask your husband to get up earlier.

op

It's fucking hard getting a work, home, wife and life balance. You can certainly be forgiven for feeling overwhelmed,

Does d.h have any family near by?

Not quite sure what benefits has to do with my thread at all TBH

It has nothing to do with anything. It's just that some posters will literally clutch at anything in order to start a bun fight/put others down. Best ignored. You've had lots of good and insightful advice on this thread so try to focus on those responses

user1471439240

What??? How can you 'fight' for different hours?

I've worked nights as a nurse, and you work the hours you're given,

Ignore, a family with access to tax credits would not be trying to earn a living doing 12hr nightshifts - they wouldn't need to!

Seriously though, OP why don't you ask for help solving your bedtime issues, it really shouldn't be a 2 man job once the little one isn't a baby any more (even then..)

"I'm just asking him to go to bed earlier and get up earlier" is boiling my piss OP, I'm kinda fuming about it. If you finished work at 5pm would you be able to be asleep by 6pm so you could get up 7.5 hours later instead of winding down first?

I work 3 or 4 12 hour night shifts a week but mine are 8pm til 8am.

I get up at 6pm and help with dinner and bed for our two children... so in a way no I don't think yabu.

However I go to bed between 10-11am.

I think maybe if you rejig your timings to be a bit later it would be easier for him.

oreo is just being a goady twat - I've reported.

Dailymaiu thank you for your input. I suppose because he never complains about doing nights he just says he's used to them I just assume he's fine without thinking about the toll it's taking on his body.
I now realise the key is organisation which I will speak to DH about on his days off

Odfod, there's no need at all.

DH has a couple of family members close by but are not that involved and are not the type of people to help out without something in return

OP- what to you expect family members to do ?

I don't expect them to do anything, just replying to a comment asking if DH has family members close by

It does sound like you need to work on your two year olds sleep rather than your dh's! I know a few people who found the gro clock effective at that age. With dd she used to come on our bed and the cuddles would get her to sleep again. Also dropping the naps. Yes it made her a grouch for the first week but she did then start to sleep better at night.

Also, dd doesn't necessarily need shampoo of she has a good swim cap - a good rinse under water is quite effective. Even if you do bathe her on swim days you don't have to do the other two nights he is working or bathe ds2.

As a pp said, lowering standards and planning ahead can help.

I'm terrible at maths evidently... Apologies.

Still, no need for the twattyness is there.

It works out some weeks he does 48 hours and other he does 36

Ok so no family,

Is there a possibility of you shifting your work hours? Could you work from 9.30 for 4 hours? This would allow you a bigger chunk of time before bedtime?

If you're getting home at 4, with organising properly that's more than enough time to get things done.

Timefora....
I believe the Nhs nights finish later are such as tho to enable women to do school runs etc before sleep.
This is not conducive to sleep, however.

Yes yes to getting rid of naps. Short term pain but long term well worth it.

Do you have black outs in his room? Both of mine can't sleep without them.

AHEM

Yes I definitely do need to work on DS sleep but think it's unfair to wake DD whilst trying to make him understand it's still bedtime with him screaming

I've looked into gro clocks but I was unsure as to whether he would be too young to understand (he's only just turned 2)