Am I being over optimistic to think this is doable?

[Whatallama]

My husband and I have been invited to a family wedding about 3 hours away from where we live. It's not immediate family, but I'd like to go if at all possible. It's my husbands side of the family, not that it makes much difference.

The problem is that I'm pregnant with our first, and this wedding is on the due date. My husband thinks we'd be nuts to go, but I think it may be doable. If the baby comes before, chances are we wouldn't make it, but if I'm still pregnant, there's no complications, and I still feel ok, then I'm thinking we could do it.

Obviously, we'd have to take everything with us in the car, in case I went into labour there (we'd probably stay the night of the wedding), so all the baby things, car seat, my stuff, maternity notes etc.

Ideally I'd like to just see how we're doing, but I'm not sure that's fair on the bride and groom, because they may well be wasting money on us.

It's still 6 months away, and they don't even know that I'm pregnant yet, but we'll need to chat things through with them.

I know many people will think I'm nuts for even considering this, but if I'm well, AIBU to think that with proper planning, its possible?

My first thought was "what would you wear"...

With my second baby I was determined to continue commuting into the city to work up until Mat leave started at 38 weeks. In the event my husband went away on a business trip at 38 weeks so rather than risk going into labour at home on my own with a child also there to deal with, we packed up everything and I went to PIL 3 hours away so I could have support. I didn't go into labour and it was all fine but it was logistically challenging and when it came to it packing up all the stuff seemed a terrible ball ache. It was only the thought of the alternative being even more of a logistal challenge that meant I did it. By 37 weeks I was also very very ready to stop that horrendous commute.

Having read the thread I know it's been said but doable doesn't mean you might want to actually to do when it comes to it! After all we are capable of doing the most amazing feats if we have to but I'm sure not everyone would do them through choice. Some women in other countries walk miles to give birth but I'm sure given a choice they wouldn't, especially not for a wedding of "only" extended family.

Good luck though if you do choose to do it!

I've had four kids. I wouldn't have even attempted this with my fourth. It's such a risk. Nothing about pregnancy or labour is safe for mum or baby. One of my best friends is a midwife and is running a large post natal and labour ward and I just asked her. No way was her response. Say you'll catch up with them afterwards. But do the best for you and baby now and say no.
Congratulations btw.

Depends entirely how your pregnancy progresses and how you feel. My sister got married when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I managed to find a ok dress (bump was fairly small though), wore heels, drove my husband and I to the ceremony and on to the reception 90 minutes away, and spent most of the night on the dancefloor. But I was lucky to have a fairly straightforward pregnancy - I was able to work until three days before my due date and was at a rugby game when I eventually went into labour, two days after my due date.

I went 3 hours to a wedding when I was overdue! Bloody glad I did as I remained over due for a further 9 days after the wedding! Take everything with you, there are hospitals all over the uk now ;)

Totally doable. We had a 36 hour old baby at our wedding. Was hours away from parents home. Parents and baby were fine. They even still aranged table decorations and helped setting up!

Perhaps see how things are going nearer the time.

I went to a wedding when I was 37 weeks pregnant (it was only 30 mins away). Although I felt well, it wiped me out completely as being on your feet all day is very tiring. Another point us that it was pretty dull being stone cold sober while everyone else was drinking and giving me lots of parenting advice and asking to touch my stomach. They're a nice bunch of people who were being friendly but after a few hours, I wanted to scream! 3 hours is a very long time to sit in a car whilst pregnant and I wouldn't have done it but you'll know closer to the time. 😀

Sorry to be blunt OP and I don't mean it personally but the day isn't about you is it? It's about the couple, you're married already do you want them to worry about a heavily pregnant lady on their special day, if you were close family it's different but you may take the focus off the bride would she mind? Just another point of view aside from the obvious travelling.

The only way to know is discuss it with them.

I'm a midwife and i say go for it! Factor in a stop or 2 on the way and do some ankle rotations/toe wriggling to prevent a DVT (you will be way past the stage of highest incidence then anyway). A lot of pregnant women supported spend at least 3 hours chilling on the sofa for over 3 hours at this stage. If you do go into labour whilst you're there the midwives will not 'flap' about some different notes. It happens sometimes! We also deal with concealed pregnancies where there are no notes. The chances that you will go in to labour when you are there are quite slim. Your body may well know that it's not a good time to give birth and prevent labour from happening.
See how you feel nearer the time, but I wouldn't hesitate

You'd be mad to do that.

I'd do it- but my babies seemed to come 2 weeks overdue, and so at 40 weeks I was okayish. And only became an unmovable whale at 41+ weeks.
I would talk to the Bride and Groom and see what they would prefer you to do. Do they really want you there if possible at the risk of you not making it? Or would they rather you say no and they ask someone else instead?

I wouldn't risk it, personally I'd just be mega stressed thinking I'd be about to go in labour any second and wouldn't enjoy it anyway

Both of mine came early (36 and 37 weeks respectively) and I had short labours with both. I had severe ligament pain second time round and couldn't walk for the last three weeks of pregnancy - I was shuffling like a very old lady and absolutely miserable. I was otherwise fit and had no complications or hassle with either pregnancy. Believe me: it's a bad idea. It's just a wedding, not a once-in-a-lifetime experience. There will be other weddings. Take the pressure off yourself, your DH and your bladder and turn down the invitation.

I don't have dc so I will come at it from the perspective of the bride and groom and say that while out of politeness I would not indicate it, I would be hoping you didn't go. It would be different if you were very close family, but you are asking them to allocate a place on the invite list and pay costs for someone who is very likely not to be able to attend. I also wouldn't want someone going into labour at the reception to be everyone's big memory of the day, or have to worry about whether I had contributed to you overdoing it.

I think the people who invited you will be very, very pissed off if you accept and they know you are pregnant. You most probably won't be there, or you will be there and they'll be worrying your waters will break during the ceremony.

Be a grown up and politely decline the invite.

A 3 hour car journey when you are 9 months pregnant is utter madness, trust me!!!! I did this when 7 months pregnant and it was hell on earth.

Lovely that you want to go but chances are you really won't feel up to it, not trying to put a downer on your idea and I know not everyone feels awful during pregnancy but there's a very good chance you won't want to go when the time comes.

I wouldn't do it. I've had a very easy pregnancy but my energy levels have gone through the floor (I'm 37 weeks).

Plus the thought of sitting in the car on the motorway and the baby deciding to use my bladder as a pillow is enough to put me off!

I would have said I would go with all of mine, on the basis I would have paid the money if unable to attend at the last minute.

Dd was two weeks early and we would probably have gone as we came home to family (200 miles) when she was a week old. Ds1 was 12 days late - would definitely have been there! Ds2 came on his due date so might have had him at the wedding venue . Would still have gone though

AdmiralCissyMary

Doable is not the same as worth doing
I couldn't have put it better myself.

Not a chance & I was very active during my pregnancies. Even when I Went over LAST thing at full term i'd want to do is sit through 3 hour journey, a wedding ceremony, watch everyone get drunk, sit thru speeches etc then have to drive back next day. If it was a sibling or a best friend I'd probably try to make the effort but other than that don't it yourself under that kind of pressure

Doable is not the same as worth doing is probably a good bit of advice.
I did almost exactly this when pregnant with my first, a ten hour round trip by car, on my exact due date (DD1 ended up two weeks late). However, the big difference was it was my best friends wedding. If it had been a member of our extended family I want particularly close to I don't think I would have done. As it happened everything was fine. I was fit and healthy to the end, felt totally ok and was more than comfortable to go. TBH you probably can't decide yet, a revaluation nearer the time is probably needed. I presume you have to accept or decline the invite now? If so, accept and then when you're ready to announce you're pregnant, have a chat with them and see if they're ok with you potentially not getting there.

''A lot of pregnant women supported spend at least 3 hours chilling on the sofa for over 3 hours at this stage.''

Big bloody difference between lolloping on a sofa for 3 hours and sitting in a car!

It's all been said here already really. All the way through this thread i've been thinking ... quite apart from the discomfort and the logistics - there's the issue simply of the outfit for the day ...

By the end of all 4 of my pregnancies i've been:

• unable to wear heels,
• unable to get/stand a bra with any meaningful shape on,
• unable to bear anything much touching my sore itchy stretched to buggery stomach (even maternity tights)
• unable to stand anything even slightly scratchy or rough against my skin,
• was still feeling sick at the smell of perfume (mine or anyone elses)
• ditto the smell of food and alcohol

and

• was alternately hot and cold so that what ever i wore wasn't right from hour to hour.

Factor all the above in with the fact that i couldn't stand for long, walk far or sit in a hard chair and you have:

a large sweaty/freezing woman with saggy boobs in a pair of stretched out leggings and a shapeless t'shirt needing to sit on something soft, mostly out of breath and complaining about feeling sick.

Not glam, and not something i'd inflict on the couple's big day either

I could have done it I think. I would have hated it though. Feet on a chair to ease swelling, short of breath and stomach as big as a thumb. Toilet every ten minutes. Roasting hot and bothered. Wearing a dress big as a bed throw. Feet swollen so only rubber flip flops will fit. Leaking breast milk already.

X post with Laiste. Good to know I wasn't the only one being truly glam at 9 months.

I went to a wedding 4 hours away when I was 39 weeks, and it was fine (obviously everyone's different!) I actually really enjoyed letting my hair down and getting away from everything for a night before everything got serious 😁 And after spending 9 months feeling fat I felt all dressed up and lovely for the first time in ages!
Also I wasn't uncomfortable in the car, didn't have to stop every 30mins and didn't go into labour for another 3 weeks (and even then still spent 3 days in labour)
Do it!