To be annoyed with DB over DN's birthday gift?

[HickDead]

I live quite a distance from my DB, DSIL and their DC. Birthday presents usually end up being sent so that the kids have them on their birthdays. Lately there has been quite a few issues with the postal system, not sure if it's my end or their end but things have been going missing or turning up obviously tampered with. With this in mind I decided that for DN's birthday I would just put a cheque in a card as that would be safer, DN doesn't have a bank account so I made cheque out to DB. This was about 10 days ago.

This evening I have just had the following message from DB
Hi Hick, can you forward cash to us as cheque does not suit, we are busy people and I don't know when you think we'll have time to get to bank with it. My details are * , if you sort it ASAP as DN needs it.

WTF I have never come across anything so rude in all my life, I'm really disgusted and want to tell them where to stuff it. DB and SIL have form for being a bit arrogant and thinking the world revolves around them but this has really upset me. No thank you, no please, no nothing! AIBU?

How old is DN?

DN is 10.

If he is that concerned about her waiting he could sub her while it clears.

DB sounds unutterably rude and I wouldn't be able to let this go

I don't believe they never take cash out of an atm - they can just pay it in then. I wouldn't even see them at Christmas I would be that

You have told him you don't do internet banking any more and he s still telling you that you must do a bank transfer. Utter dick.

The more I think about it the more I feel like it's a control issue, maybe driven by SIL but DB is happily going along with it. Everything has to be on their terms and it is all about them. They had a hissy fit when we told them that it wasn't the done thing for DN to sit on her iPad at DC3's christening. That is just the tip of the iceberg! They seem to make more of a fuss the older she gets.

The actual service in the church I mean!

We have relatives that post a cheque through the door, then complain that I haven't cashed it within a month or so. They also moan bout how we put it in the child's account...with the let them spend it comments!

Just post the fucking cash.

I'd be tempted to send a "I think it would be just best all around if we don't bother exchanging gifts anymore" text. Of course I would continue to send something to the eldest on the quiet because I'm a cow like that at times!

I agree with random actually. I just couldn't be doing with his rudeness.

You are very nice OP. I'm with Random. Careful your DB doesn't take you for a doormat.

What 10 year old is not capable (with parents help) to have a variety of gifts on a list so that people can find something in their budget, what parent/child doesn't appreciate a contribution of £20 to something far more expensive...

I just think this is going to rumble on and on and on...

Dear Brother, I agree exchanging gifts from a distance is time consuming so let's not do it anymore, easier for both of us. Love OP

AND CANCEL THE FUCKING CHEQUE!
The rude, arrogant twat.
10 year olds should be paid for by their parents.

Jeez, how can you resist? If be writing back!

"You do know you can post it? We don't do telephone/online banking."

End of.

Send an Amazon e-gift voucher next year

I'd stop all gifts too.

I'm already low contact with them and that suits me fine as I hate all the drama that comes with any form of contact with them. Believe me I don't want it to drag on, think I'll just send an amazon voucher next year and not engage if there's an issue. Thanks for all your input, glad to know that according to the majority I'm not a meanie for sending an outdated form of payment !

You are nicer than I am, OP. If I got a message like that, that would be the end of any presents from me.

There is NO WAY ON EARTH I would be transferring money in future. I'd either buy something DN will love but DB will find infuriating or I'd buy a voucher for somewhere that isn't local. I don't know how you restrain yourself - my sister is similar to this. Occasionally I reply in a similar manner and she does not like it.

OP - using £1 coins for his present you are letting him off much too lightly...

There needs to be a variety of coins, including plenty of coppers and fiddly 5ps. Then you need to make him a money tree so you are giving it to him creatively, not just as a handful of coins...

Get a nice sheet of strong card and draw the outline of a tree. The leaves will be the coins that you stick onto the card, hence the variety of sizes.

Not only will he end up with loads of small change, he will also have the hassle of taking it off the picture and getting the glue off... and even the paint if you like the artistic effort below (which was done to use up old small change so not so much variety and more effort spent on the frame and making it into a nice picture to actually keep...

I don't get cheques very often but when I do I just post them to the bank with a deposit slip (but I bank with First Direct who are amazing).

Did it last week with a refund cheque from the DVLA.

Confugled1. DH thinks that's an inspired idea and keeps chuckling at the thought, he would do it if I gave him the nod! So funny, that made laugh!

I'd be inclined to text back 'You might think it goes without saying, but most people manage to say it anyway.'

Hang about, the present is actually for a kid. It's not her fault her father is a rude asshat.

OP, unless you present 40 pound coins in a lovely box or something really rethink giving her cash in such a passive aggressive way. Your BIL is horrifyingly rude but do remember to consider the impact on your DN.

YANBU. That is so ungrateful. I often forget to cash cheques but that's my fault, not the giver's.
I would let this one go because they're family. I hope that they don't give you any more grief OP