To be annoyed with DB over DN's birthday gift?

[HickDead]

I live quite a distance from my DB, DSIL and their DC. Birthday presents usually end up being sent so that the kids have them on their birthdays. Lately there has been quite a few issues with the postal system, not sure if it's my end or their end but things have been going missing or turning up obviously tampered with. With this in mind I decided that for DN's birthday I would just put a cheque in a card as that would be safer, DN doesn't have a bank account so I made cheque out to DB. This was about 10 days ago.

This evening I have just had the following message from DB
Hi Hick, can you forward cash to us as cheque does not suit, we are busy people and I don't know when you think we'll have time to get to bank with it. My details are * , if you sort it ASAP as DN needs it.

WTF I have never come across anything so rude in all my life, I'm really disgusted and want to tell them where to stuff it. DB and SIL have form for being a bit arrogant and thinking the world revolves around them but this has really upset me. No thank you, no please, no nothing! AIBU?

I like the "I think you meant thank you" response!

I hate receiving cheques as I don't even live in the UK any more, so have to wait for a visit back to the UK to be able to pay them in. Some relatives still give me the odd cheque though for Xmas or birthday.

But I would never, ever dream of sending such an ungrateful message to any of them. I just think the question of whether cheques are a massive PITA is utterly irrelevant here really, in the face of such rudeness.

Seriously people are defending this? I am notoriously blunt and would never be so fucking rude and ungrateful. Did you people who have grown up thinking this acceptable, not have parents? Mine would have spanked me into next week if I had ever thought this was ok.

I still use cheques for posting money gifts to relatives. His message was very rude.
If it is really that difficult for them to get in to a bank - he could have least asked nicely!

Im intrigued what the brother does for a living to get such s sense of entitlement? Brain surgeon surely.

The cheque isn't really the issue for me. The rudeness is the point, there's no excuse at all. Ignore the text and do nothing op.

I wonder if he is pissed off with what he perceives as your attitude to his child and birthday presents, they are late, they 'get lost in the post', you decide to send money instead which is a bit of a cop out and now you even make that difficult... (I am on the receiving end of something like this..)

I live abroad. You can post cheques from abroad. Ive actually posted cash to my UK bank account. Probably not recommended though. Its really not hard to deal with cheques.

I take it your brother has always been a knobhead?

How can any of you have school aged children and think cheques are obsolete? I must go through a chequebook a term year: Scouts, guides, music lessons, dance lessons, any school thing they can't be arsed to add to the online payment system under a fiver, after school clubs.

I also have an online account and post anything anyone sends me. I'd rather have a cheque than a WHSmiths gift card

"How can any of you have school aged children and think cheques are obsolete?"

Quite easily! I don't even own a chequebook, and have managed to get DCs to Y7&5 without ever needing one.

Funny innit.

I reckon you should have a game with yourself about how many different ways you can send your dn cash but not actually cash for xmas/birthdays over the next few years (assuming that db hasn't put you off sending anything).

First off would be a postal order (do they still exist?), gift vouchers for odd shops, money onto Amazon but not towards a specific expensive thing - surely she must occasionally want something that costs say a tenner or £20 even if it's just some music or a tshirt - and if not, she can negotiate with a friend or family member for them to buy something and give her the money.

And of course, mustn't forget something from M&S with a gift receipt (assuming there is an M&S relatively near to them that she could get to if she went about her usual life) adding in the time factor if she wants to exchange it... And of course you need to send it to be signed for to make sure that it doesn't get lost so they'll need to be in to receive it...

Could have lots of fun with it

'DB, Very worried to hear that DN needs the money so urgently. Does she have gambling debts? Or have you started charging her rent? Either way, I won't be able to get to a bank until the New Year, so maybe you could sub her the money until the cheque clears. That way no one gets their legs broken- win/win!'

Yes cheques are a hassle (tho didn't know you could post them generally to bank) but his message was so rude. I'd ignore it. I wouldn't make the effort. There were plenty of ways for him to ask for a transfer that didn't involve rudeness and he wouldn't be bothered to use them. Not only would I not do a transfer now I'd not be bothering with monetary gifts again.

So, how do people in the UK normally pay for a one-time casual type service? For example, we just had a handyman in to hang ceiling fans in several rooms. We paid by check.

Yes you would normally pay by cheque in that situation Seneca. I still have a chequebook, but have noticed my usage getting less and less over the years. Must use about 4 a year for paying handymen like you say, and sending for birthdays etc. Although I am aware that the latter might be a pain, I must ask for my DN's bank details. She would never be so rude as to send a message like the OP's DB though!

I can't believe people are defending the brother! That text was beyond rude.

No one is so busy that they never walk past a high street bank.

Staggeringly rude of him.

Unbelievably rude.

What does he normally do for your dc's birthdays?

I would text back: "Hey, bro, got your text. I was a bit to see no thank you for the gift. Don't worry about cashing the cheque. When I see DN I will give him cash. Take care."

Rude bastard. I would ignore it altogether. I certainly wouldn't be cancelling cheques and sending something else. "We are busy people" arrogant knob head

Cheques are not a pain, being sent a lovely gift that requires you to take 10 minutes out of your day to nip to the bank...seriously who complains about that?!

I don't know where you live or work but at least an hour here to get to the bank and back. For my last house it would have been almost 2 hours.

Cheques are definitely a slight pain but it's hardly the point - a gift is a gift and your only job is to say thank you.

I can't believe that people have cheques they never pay in. Weird.

I get cheques sometimes from relatives that are written in my husbands name (I never changed my name in marriage). Now that is a pain. I've had to take my marriage certificate in - there's always a lot of faff with managers being called and once It was suggest I should change my name! They do usually let me depsosit it though.

I've told the relatives many times but one does it passive aggressively and the other one who does it is very odd as she never changed her name either despite being over 70. Why on earth she thinks I should have changed it I don't know.

Anyway yanbu - your brother is really rude.

you decide to send money instead which is a bit of a cop out

Op said she rang her brother and asked what Dn wanted and agreed to give money towards an expensive gift. Hardly a "cop out"

I cannot believe someone would be so staggeringly rude. It doesn't matter HOW difficult said gift is to deal with it is a gift and should therefore be treated with nothing else other than "thank you"