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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DB over DN's birthday gift?

201 replies

HickDead · 04/12/2016 21:29

I live quite a distance from my DB, DSIL and their DC. Birthday presents usually end up being sent so that the kids have them on their birthdays. Lately there has been quite a few issues with the postal system, not sure if it's my end or their end but things have been going missing or turning up obviously tampered with. With this in mind I decided that for DN's birthday I would just put a cheque in a card as that would be safer, DN doesn't have a bank account so I made cheque out to DB. This was about 10 days ago.

This evening I have just had the following message from DB
Hi Hick, can you forward cash to us as cheque does not suit, we are busy people and I don't know when you think we'll have time to get to bank with it. My details are * , if you sort it ASAP as DN needs it.

WTF I have never come across anything so rude in all my life, I'm really disgusted and want to tell them where to stuff it. DB and SIL have form for being a bit arrogant and thinking the world revolves around them but this has really upset me. No thank you, no please, no nothing! AIBU?

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 04/12/2016 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livefornaps · 04/12/2016 22:05

Love a "cancel the cheque" thread

Original poster
HickDead · 04/12/2016 22:05

Ignore.
When DB reminds you about it, which he surely will, just let him know you are also 'very busy people'.

Ironically we are! We have three DC's to their one and we both work FT! After fraud on our account I've stopped doing internet banking so I would have to go into a branch to do a transfer. I'm waiting before I reply because if I reply tonight I'll say something I'll regret.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 04/12/2016 22:06

Tell 'D'B that you are too busy to find the gadget that lets you set up a new payee on your bank account ...

Seriously though. One stamp, one envelope, address to the bank with his account details and they'll pay it in. He doesn't have to actually go to a bank.

Original poster
HickDead · 04/12/2016 22:08

Love a "cancel the cheque" thread

That was the first thing DH said comedy style! He also wants to send them cheques forevermore now. He's the type who would too if I let him!

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 04/12/2016 22:08

Another vote for 'ignore completely'

longdiling · 04/12/2016 22:08

That might be a way to go actually. Post him an envelope made out to his bank address and with a stamp on. Perhaps a googlemap to show him where his nearest post box is to be even more helpful....

JustHappy3 · 04/12/2016 22:08

I think your brother's message is very rudely worded.
But i think his exasperation is very understandable. If they both work full time in the kind of jobs where you don't take a lunch break and/or there isn't a bank/PO nearby then there's no way they can bank it mon-fri. Which leaves the weekends which are often full with activities.
If you give me a cheque it's usually 6-8 weeks before i can bank it. And i'd have to schedule it in.
But as much as i might mutter, i'd never be such an arse to complain to the giver.

Mrskeats · 04/12/2016 22:09

Cheques aren't that much of a pain
I'm partly self employed and accept them for small amounts
I pay them in at the post office-takes 30 seconds
Your brother is incredibly rude and self centred- what does he do that he's so busy? I hate bad manners

Pluto30 · 04/12/2016 22:14

Cancel the cheque and don't transfer money over.

What a rude git. The poor lad'd have to pop down to the bank. Oh, the pain of it all. No consideration for the fact that his DD has been given a gift at all.

It takes me about 5 mins to deposit a cheque. It's all done through an ATM at my bank. I'd just be grateful for someone thinking of my DC.

GravyAndShite · 04/12/2016 22:15

  1. you can cash a cheque for the price of a stamp - post to your branch with account number and sort code written on the back.

  2. how do they not have a bank account for their child? Are they busy and a bit irresponsible?

  3. incredibly rude - YANBU

  4. ignore.

  5. check if they cashed the last cheque

  6. convince yourself it is so so rude it must be some joke you don't get.

  7. if they ever bring it up again tell them you thought it was so rude it must have been a joke you didn't understand.

SleepFreeZone · 04/12/2016 22:18

Wtf, how anyone is defending the tone of that message is beyond me!!

I just cannot imagine ever being so bloody rude 😦

CorporalNobbyNobbs · 04/12/2016 22:18

yanbu! Horrible text message.

ThisThingCalledLife · 04/12/2016 22:19

In light of your db's rudeness and entitlement, i would look a little closer to home re gifts 'not turning up' and being 'tampered' with.
Is it db telling you this?

How old is your dn? I'd just buy her a gift voucher to spend - that way it's guaranteed to be spent on something for her.
I doubt your dn will see much, if any, of that money if you send cash to db.

EggnoggAndMulledWine · 04/12/2016 22:20

They really aren't that hard to cash geez.

I'd reply 'we are also busy people who both work full time with THREE children, I no longer have internet banking after fraud on our account. Therefore, I would have to try get into a bank to transfer the cash. It would be more convenient if you could post the cheque to your bank and give dd the cash in the meantime till it clears into your account. Oh and by the way you are welcome for the gift, perhaps this year should be the last we swap gifts seen as they are such an inconvenience?

baconandeggies · 04/12/2016 22:20

Absolute bollocks. He can cash the cheque at his convenience (over the next 6 months) and give her the cash in the meantime.

Suggest you completely ignore the text as the subtext is:-

"you are an idiot and my time is worth more than yours"

Certainly don't send any cash in the post.

VioletRoar · 04/12/2016 22:20

I'd tell him to fuck off. Cheques really aren't that inconvenient, you can just post them to the bank with your a/c details. For me to set up a new payee on online banking I have to find my pinsentry (which I've always lost) which is also annoying. You'd think you'd done something awful by their reaction, not sent a present.

SleepFreeZone · 04/12/2016 22:20

I have a supermarket savings account and i just pay any chequed into that when I go shopping. You can do it at the Custmer Service desk.

DailyMailSucksAss · 04/12/2016 22:21

Why can't you use Amazon to buy a gift? I use it for all of my in laws & if someone in a remote part of India can get a parcel within 3 working days, it should work for the UK.

Agree with your brother's post tbh. It was rudely worded but sounds like he's prob annoyed with you for other things?

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 04/12/2016 22:24

The message was rude although banks have made cheques somewhat inconvenient.

How do you pay them in at the post office? My bank has now closed its last suburban branch in the city, meaning a special trip to the city centre, minimum £3 parking and an hour to get there, do the deed and go back home. (Then the tempation to waste money doing other things to justify the time and bother of going). I otherwise go to the city centre every 2-3 months so it would rarely fall in with being there anyway.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 04/12/2016 22:24

Daily? Seriously, you agree with the text and are extrapolating that the brother is annoyed about something else?

CocktailQueen · 04/12/2016 22:25

So he never goes into town or does any sort of shopping that would mean he could go to the bank?

How rude!!! Agree with those above - ask him to give his son the money, then he can pay the chew is in when he had time. His message was very badly worded. Rude twat.

DollyPlastic · 04/12/2016 22:25

Wait, you can pay them in at a post office? For any bank?

Akire · 04/12/2016 22:26

Unless they live miles away from anywhere surely between 9-5 Monday to Saturday in the next 6m they can pop to a branch. Plus plenty of banks have cash machines inside and out where you can pay in just using your card and then post cheque in cash machine.

Plain rude. They could have just said thank you and asked nicely

Phalenopsisgirl · 04/12/2016 22:27

If you don't do internet banking yourselves then just say exactly that and that you'll swop the cheque for cash when you next see them. My jaw is on the floor that anyone could be so rude. Even if banking the cheque was the hardest task in the world (which it isn't) it doesn't excuse the message. It is never ok to respond to a gift in any way other than 'thank you so much' even if you hate it or think it's a pain in the ass.

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