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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DB over DN's birthday gift?

201 replies

HickDead · 04/12/2016 21:29

I live quite a distance from my DB, DSIL and their DC. Birthday presents usually end up being sent so that the kids have them on their birthdays. Lately there has been quite a few issues with the postal system, not sure if it's my end or their end but things have been going missing or turning up obviously tampered with. With this in mind I decided that for DN's birthday I would just put a cheque in a card as that would be safer, DN doesn't have a bank account so I made cheque out to DB. This was about 10 days ago.

This evening I have just had the following message from DB
Hi Hick, can you forward cash to us as cheque does not suit, we are busy people and I don't know when you think we'll have time to get to bank with it. My details are * , if you sort it ASAP as DN needs it.

WTF I have never come across anything so rude in all my life, I'm really disgusted and want to tell them where to stuff it. DB and SIL have form for being a bit arrogant and thinking the world revolves around them but this has really upset me. No thank you, no please, no nothing! AIBU?

OP posts:
xyzandabc · 04/12/2016 21:44

He is just being rude, I would probably end up doing the transfer but sending an equally rude message back.

However for all those above saying it's a PITA to get to a branch, you don't have to go to a branch to pay in a cheque. Just post them to your branch. You don't need a special slip or anything

MIL worked for a bank for years and suggested I do this when I moaned that it was an hour+ round trip to gets cheques to my nearest branch.

We still get them from older relatives for kids birthday/Christmas etc. I wait until we have a few then just pop them in an envelope with a handwritten note saying please pay in to acc. no.........., sort code........... account holders name...........

Never had a problem in over 10 years of doing it this way.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 04/12/2016 21:44

Why are people queueing at banks, do you not pop it in the self serve whizzy machine thing?

Original poster
HickDead · 04/12/2016 21:45

Ok I get that cheques are a pain and I was in a rush as I wanted to make sure I got it in the post. I usually just stuff a £20 note in a a card but bearing in mind all issues with the post I decided I'd write a cheque. The chequebook was sitting out as I'd used it to pay the the school for something. That's the only time I ever use it now. It doesn't excuse the rudeness though, if he had thanked me for the the gift and explained that a cheque was a pain the arse and said please then I wouldn't have felt so offended.

OP posts:
Original poster
HickDead · 04/12/2016 21:45

I meant to say that I sent a cheque last year and nothing was said!

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 04/12/2016 21:47

Cheques are not a pain, being sent a lovely gift that requires you to take 10 minutes out of your day to nip to the bank...seriously who complains about that?!

reindeerbitesback · 04/12/2016 21:47

V rude! A better message would have been "thanks very much for the money for DN, we really appreciate it but next time could you please just transfer the money as cheques are a bit of a hassle" or something more eloquent - surely? Your DB sounds a very self centred.

....BUT honestly I don't think I'd ever get around to cashing a cheque either so I can slightly understand.

WouldHave · 04/12/2016 21:48

You don't need to go to banks to pay cheques in. You can do it by post.

BreatheDeep · 04/12/2016 21:49

Why can't he just give them the £20 and cash the cheque when he gets around to it?

longdiling · 04/12/2016 21:50

Christ, how rude! I'd be tempted to simply text back 'you're welcome' to highlight his appalling lack of manners.

AhNowTed · 04/12/2016 21:51

Why can't he just give them the £20 and cash the cheque when he gets around to it?

^^this!!

JellyWitch · 04/12/2016 21:52

I hate cheques too but usually get them to the bank within a few months of birthdays.

If DN is that desperate, can't your bother advance her the money?

witsender · 04/12/2016 21:52

Fucking hell, what a ridiculous farce. If cheques are that hard to pay in people can't be all that in need of it.

girlelephant · 04/12/2016 21:53

Your DH is incredibly rude for the tone of that text! Yes cheques are a more old fashioned form of payment however they are not obsolete. Most banks have an agreement with the post office to let customers pay in cash and cheques there to avoid people going to branches. Not everyone likes sending money electronically either. People also have 6 months to credit a cheque from the date written on it!

I say that as someone who does transfer money online and works in the industry but regularly speak to customers who would use cheques in this instance.

The sad thing is that if you do delay/decrease the amount being sent electronically it's the child and not DB who will suffer!

He should have thanked you for the gift and instead asked if you would mind sending it electronically instead would have been ok. Buy stating you've to do so and hurry up is just rude!

Note3 · 04/12/2016 21:53

That's so rude! To pay in a cheque you can do it at post office, many ATMS and I have in the past written a brief polite note and posted the cheque to my bank who have cashed it their end without a quibble so he's being rude and ridiculous

StubbleTurnips · 04/12/2016 21:54

YANBU - very rude, this would cause me to dig my heels in write a cheque for every gift going forward. I never understand why people don't change banks if their one is so difficult to reach.

littlesallyracket · 04/12/2016 21:56

I don't think I'd do what some have suggested and just cancel the cheque and not send anything else, as that's punishing DN for something that isn't her fault. After all, she can't help it if her parents are rude and entitled.

I would, however, send a pretty barbed reply that began with the words "A please or a thank you would be nice, but..." before I cancelled the cheque and transferred the money.

witsender · 04/12/2016 21:56

I would ignore the message tbh.

YourOtherLeft · 04/12/2016 21:57

Wait, you can post cheques to the bank?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/12/2016 21:57

While theres no question that it was beyond rude. I don't agree with canceling the check, after all. It'll be the child your denying and it'd not her fault your db has the manners of a fly.

ChadSexington · 04/12/2016 21:57

Ah cheques! My DGM used to send me a cheque for £3 every birthday, even when I was a teenager (in the 90s). Don't think I ever cashed them Grin.

Rachel0Greep · 04/12/2016 21:58

Ignore. And that would be the last present I would send, tbh.

BalloonSlayer · 04/12/2016 21:58

Ah well I'd say "So sorry Db but I have lost the little machine the bank give you that you have to use to set up a new internet bank payment but have been too busy to phone them to ask for a new one. Will get round to it when I have time of course but if DN needs the money right now perhaps you better bank the cheque in the meantime. Lots of love xx"

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2016 21:59

Very rude. I would cancel the cheque!

InTheKitchenAtParties · 04/12/2016 21:59

Ignore.
When DB reminds you about it, which he surely will, just let him know you are also 'very busy people'.

BalloonSlayer · 04/12/2016 22:02

Must add that to older/money conscious people who check their bank accounts meticulously, not cashing a cheque they have sent to you is very, very, annoying.

may have done this on purpose once or twice in PA way myself