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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DB over DN's birthday gift?

201 replies

HickDead · 04/12/2016 21:29

I live quite a distance from my DB, DSIL and their DC. Birthday presents usually end up being sent so that the kids have them on their birthdays. Lately there has been quite a few issues with the postal system, not sure if it's my end or their end but things have been going missing or turning up obviously tampered with. With this in mind I decided that for DN's birthday I would just put a cheque in a card as that would be safer, DN doesn't have a bank account so I made cheque out to DB. This was about 10 days ago.

This evening I have just had the following message from DB
Hi Hick, can you forward cash to us as cheque does not suit, we are busy people and I don't know when you think we'll have time to get to bank with it. My details are * , if you sort it ASAP as DN needs it.

WTF I have never come across anything so rude in all my life, I'm really disgusted and want to tell them where to stuff it. DB and SIL have form for being a bit arrogant and thinking the world revolves around them but this has really upset me. No thank you, no please, no nothing! AIBU?

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 04/12/2016 23:11

Seneca - cheques are almost obsolete here.

That is interesting. I suppose I write about 2-3 checks a month. I don't receive many, but when I do (my work pays my salary through direct deposit, but expense reimbursements are paid by check), I just use the banking app on my phone.

nickelbabe · 04/12/2016 23:14

Very rude message.
I ppersonally would tell them to.open an account for her and you'll deposit directly into that in future

timeisnotaline · 04/12/2016 23:15

I think cheques are very annoying, but would never ever react in that way to being sent one as a GIFT. I'd say thank you and appreciate it (and dh and I work full time and have busy jobs) I like balloons response about having lost the card reader.

GardenGeek · 04/12/2016 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HOHOHOvariesBeforeBrovaries · 04/12/2016 23:19

Having worked in a building society, cheques are far from obsolete. Still used very frequently, and by a surprising range of ages.

Lanaorana1 · 04/12/2016 23:22

How rude. I loathe people like this who you have to put up with for the sake of their benighted children.

viques · 04/12/2016 23:24

Ewe, was wondering how soon someone would suggest this , what ever happened to simple solutions! Flowers

SistersOfPercy · 04/12/2016 23:26

I agree cheques are a PITA. We were given one by a car dealership for a large sum. We bank work an Internet bank. You can only deposit via post or a branch 3 towns away. They do not as far as I know accept post office deposits.
As it was a big cheque we were wary about posting so had to go into town, pay parking etc.

All that said, if it were a gift it would be accepted gracefully and with thanks and I'd post it to the bank.

InTheKitchenAtParties · 04/12/2016 23:31

OP send DB, DSIL and the DCs cheques on every birthday and every Christmas for the rest of their lives.

sterlingcooper · 04/12/2016 23:35

Incredibly rude. Reasonable as the request itself may be, it is shockingly bad mannered to phrase it like that. There's no way I'd be complying, though OTOH it's a shame to punish your DN for his dad's rudeness. But honestly, that text is just awful.

humphreyandlinnea · 04/12/2016 23:38

I think I would say 'Don't worry, it's cancelled'.

It's the 'don't know when you think we'll have time' bit that came across as very, very unpleasant to me. I would not be doing the bidding of someone behaving like that. It might encourage them to be bastards all the time.

MigsSlippers · 04/12/2016 23:46

I'd be v tempted to text back "wow DB, how bloody rude!" and leave it there. Dignified silence might be more sensible but it will be a huge elephant in the room if you don't react at all.

We are awful at cashing cheques - both work out of town, busy Sat mornings, the bank is in a neighbouring town. We do offend givers by failing to cash cheques quickly, but would never send even a vastly more polite version of his text.

Cagliostro · 04/12/2016 23:59

My FIL sends a supermarket giftcard for the DCs' Christmas and birthday presents.

Is it convenient? No not really. We do all our supermarket shopping online so rarely go.

Do we complain or send a message asking for money in a different form? Hell no. Just grateful that they take the time to send it for the DCs. If we aren't planning to go to the particular shop for a while then we'll swap it with the kids for cash and then use the giftcard ourselves at some point.

RortyCrankle · 05/12/2016 00:05

Outrageously rude and I can't believe people on here saying it's too much effort so they don't bank cheques - so pathetic.

I would text saying 'have you any idea how fucking rude your message is? I have cancelled the cheque. Oh and as we also are busy people I don't know when you think we'll have time to get to a postbox. I will not be replacing the cheque'.

mellicauli · 05/12/2016 00:10

Text back: "Looks like the kids got of hold of your phone and sent a text. Can you imagine an adult sending a thank you note like this? LOL"

mellicauli · 05/12/2016 00:14

I guess it could be some kind if scam? If post has gone missing before etc.

Mondaynightblues · 05/12/2016 00:23

Text back, "I think the words you were looking for were 'thank you'."

Definitely don't offer to pay the money in a different form. Not only does your brother not deserve it, but it would be setting your niece a really bad example by giving her the impression it's OK to complain when someone gives you a present.

Baylisiana · 05/12/2016 00:37

You don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I would have been grateful for the cheque. I suppose if you are sibling of the giver it is maybe ok to call and say, actually can you just give me the cash as I am really strapped for time....but only if done very nicely.

To not only look a gift horse in the mouth but to seem outraged about how on earth you thought they would pay it in, we are busy people blah blah....and what is this DD needs it urgently be quick be quick rubbish? Incredibly rude and puts the issue of whether you should send cheques or whether he asks for cash on the backburner....his tone is the issue. I would personally have to say something, along the lines of you might want to review your tone as you are beginning to sound like a thoughtless twat and we both know that is not you Grin and also what you teach your dd about gifts needs some improving.

MrsMcMoo · 05/12/2016 01:06

So rude! You can put a cheque in the post and your bank will pay it in. You don't even need a paying in slip just write the a/c no on the back. I'd tell him that and say it's up to him whether he does it or not.

mmgirish · 05/12/2016 01:19

Unbelievably rude. If that was my brother I would definitely be sending him a very strongly worded reply abut how rude his message was.

EveOnline2016 · 05/12/2016 01:39

If my DC was sent a cheque it would be a learning experience.

Not many children these days know that cheques exists never mind what to do with them.

steff13 · 05/12/2016 01:55

We were given one by a car dealership for a large sum. We bank work an Internet bank. You can only deposit via post or a branch 3 towns away.

My primary checking account is with a brick and mortar bank about 5 minutes from my house, but I also have a checking account with an internet bank. They have allowed mobile deposits for as long as I've been with them (5-ish years). What is the point of an internet bank if you have to mail deposits in?

AllPartOfThePlan · 05/12/2016 03:18

Cheques are a total PITA and I hate the faff of trying to get into town, pay to park, battle crowds and deposit it, in fact I found 2 cheques the other day from years ago I forgot to deposit because it's such a faff, but I'd never be so rude as to do that! I may, if asked in advance if someone can send me a cheque, say I'd prefer cash or bank transfer but if I just received one I'd treat them as if it were cash and say thank you! As it's for your DN it wouldn't be fair to punish him for your DB's rudeness so I'd still send something for him (possibly a proper gift though after that attitude) but I'd definitely make it clear to DB that email sucked.

SociallyAcceptableCookie · 05/12/2016 07:17

There seems to be a massive divide between people who easily chase cheques and people who don't.

Dh and I now live and work pretty far from a branch of our bank. The nearest one is open something like 9:30-3:30 mon-fri and we work full time. The branch in town is open Saturdays but it takes about half an hour and the cost of parking or public transport to get there. Post offices are usually open till only 5:30, which is still too early for us to easily make it after work, and then if we have plans on a Saturday morning we have no access to a post office for that week. Recently a post office opened near us which is open until 9:00 pm which is a major help to us.

It's good to know it's possible to post a cheque to the bank but I didn't know that until now. Dh's grandmother writes us cheques about 2 or 3 times a year and they always sit around for weeks. But of course we thank her for them.

cansu · 05/12/2016 08:33

It is not that hard to bank a cheque. Anyone who occasionally pops into town can do it. Your db could give his dc the cash and then drop it in anytime he is in town. He is v v rude and I would simply nit reply. If he contibues to ask I would tell him that it is entirely his choice to cash it or not. Unbelievable.

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