To be annoyed with DB over DN's birthday gift?

[HickDead]

I live quite a distance from my DB, DSIL and their DC. Birthday presents usually end up being sent so that the kids have them on their birthdays. Lately there has been quite a few issues with the postal system, not sure if it's my end or their end but things have been going missing or turning up obviously tampered with. With this in mind I decided that for DN's birthday I would just put a cheque in a card as that would be safer, DN doesn't have a bank account so I made cheque out to DB. This was about 10 days ago.

This evening I have just had the following message from DB
Hi Hick, can you forward cash to us as cheque does not suit, we are busy people and I don't know when you think we'll have time to get to bank with it. My details are * , if you sort it ASAP as DN needs it.

WTF I have never come across anything so rude in all my life, I'm really disgusted and want to tell them where to stuff it. DB and SIL have form for being a bit arrogant and thinking the world revolves around them but this has really upset me. No thank you, no please, no nothing! AIBU?

Message from DB was rude. Make sure he knows this.

But

Cheques can feel like a bit of a PITA. I didnt know you could bank them at the Post Office, quite possibly DB doesnt know this either. He is looking at a cheque for £20 which may well cost him a few pounds and an hour or two to get banked.

Tell him he was rude and tell him the post office thing.

Well having read on here that you could post cheques to the bank to deposit them I went on the bank's website, downloaded a form & posted it this morning with the cheque I had sitting around for £4.17! I felt remarkably pleased with myself when I put it in the letterbox and can't see why the OP's DB can't do the same

I am amazed you can just post cheques!

I had a refund from a company in bloody cheque form, no idea why they couldn't just put it back on my card but this was impossible apparently

Been sat in my purse for weeks! It's going to be posted tomorrow, if I can do this.

I seriously cannot believe the amount of people saying "rude, but cheques are a pain etc " . .

Someone giving you a cheque is giving you something! They didn't have to! To be so rude and ungrateful is disgusting.

My grandad sends me regular cheques bless him. And even if it took me an hour out of my way to bank them I would never be so ungracious and rude to the person who had sent it to me.

Lol I'm pleased I've helped enlighten ppl to posting cheques...it's a serious stress relief to post them

If you have a chequebook you can use the pre- printed paying in slips at the back to accompany your posted cheques. Saves you writing out all your account details.
You're welcome.
BIL is rude BTW. My response would have been "OK I won't bother next year".

Come back OP - what did you reply??

Ok I get that cheques are a pain

Just to put this into perspective my dc have two sets of aunts and uncles and one aunt.

The one aunt who has zilch money and lives abroad has over years sent cheap but sweet bits and bobs for the DC, ie - cute stickers, hair clips, pretty scarf little dolls etc.

The rich aunt and uncles who have no dc, several houses between them and large salaries have given dc pretty much FUCK ALL.

Free meerkat toy, free crayons from airport - if we got any money from them, for the dc in whatever FORM we would be bloody grateful. This is a disgusting attitude. But what can you do for the dc. I would - cancel the cheque and simply buy something and send it.

MsHybridFanGirl Tue 06-Dec-16 17:09:16

^^ couldn't agree more, whats wrong with people! And this is the forum that's hot on entitled grabbiness its astonishing.

How fucking rude. I cannot believe some people think the op is at fault, or the fact that banking a cheque may be a slight inconvenience means the proper response to such a gift is anything but "thank you"

Just to update have sent the following message:-

I take it's arrived then, a thank you would have been nice. As you can appreciate I am also horrendously busy myself. I no longer use internet banking due to all that trouble last year, I therefore have no time to go to a bank to do a transfer. You can either post the cheque to your branch with your name, bank account and sort code written on the back and they will lodge it or you can wait until Christmas and will give you the cash. That's the best I can do, let me know what you want to do.
Regards
Hick

Got the following reply -
Well it goes without saying that she's thankful but disappointed she has had to wait for it. Just give her the cash at Christmas and you have my bank details in plenty time for next year so you will be able to set up a bank transfer to reach her in time.

Cheeky bloody prick, they'll be getting a fucking postal order next year! No point talking to him really but his card is marked and DH and I are going to have so much fun with this! We already have the money for this year in £1 coins, £40 worth (£20 for birthday, £20 for xmas). Childish I know but I don't give a damn anymore.

How dare he blame you for his daughter's "disappointment" just because he's too dickish to cash a cheque

It most certainly does NOT go without saying, cheeky fuckwit! Poor girl that he has made this such an issue for her.

Have RTFT but....

cancel the cheque.

Your brother is without doubt one of the rudest people I have ever read about on here, and that's saying something.

How you're stopping yourself picking up your phone and telling him what an entitled cunt he is, I'll never know.

And frankly, with that attitude, I wouldn't be buying for his dd anymore. 'Disappointed' indeed.

What does he get your dc out of interest?

I would have to text back and say that thank you actually doesn't go without saying and that's the reason people tend to thank others for things like gifts. I would also have to question why, if his dd is so disappointed, he couldn't just sub her the money. Make it clear that you will give your dn cash at Christmas but ONLY because it's not your nieces fault she has such an abrasive father.

Absolutely astonishing

What a rude git !

Well it goes without saying that she's thankful but disappointed she has had to wait for it. Just give her the cash at Christmas and you have my bank details in plenty time for next year so you will be able to set up a bank transfer to reach her in time.

I'd want to reply - 'don't worry about bank details, after the fuss over the cheque next year I will be giving Oxfam Goats.'

Cheeky bastard, I bet it wouldn't have been an inconvenience to cash if it had been £200 rather than £20, ungrateful fucker.

Very rude but don't cancel your DN's present because her father is a pr*t.
Do the rest of you not find it easy enough just to mail cheques to your bank? That's what we do.

What does he get your dc out of interest?

They only spend £10 to £15 on mine as I apparently have 3 to their one. Forgetting that he also has a DC to a previous relationship that I spend the same on! They are massively entitled, there is so much back story but don't want to get into it quite frankly. Save to say that DN is SIL's only child and is treated like she is the only child to have ever walked this earth. Whenever we meet it all has to revolve around DN's needs and wishes, forget my 3, they just have to fit in. My DM kind of bows down to this as she's terrified that SIL will cut her off from DB and DN, she's pretty vindictive. Sad really, I try to just rise above it and be the bigger person but I know I'm trying to joke about it but it's pretty upsetting.

Im not surprised you find it upsetting. I'd be raging over his attitude. I certainly wouldn't be doing a bank transfer next year either.

Is this really coming from him or his wife?

You know how occasionally you read something and get ridiculously over invested and just so cross? Well for some reason this is it for me. Just such naked ingratitude, greediness and utter rudeness, I can hardly bear it.

You're being hugely restrained and fair OP. Sorry your DB is such a twat.

How old is DN?