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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny gave DD a cold sore - furious. AIBU?

436 replies

firstimer30s · 04/12/2016 17:31

As the title said, nanny came to work with a cold sore. She said she is careful so like an idiot I didn't question it. DD (3 yrs old) developed a fever, sore throat and now a huge cold sore. I am so angry and I'm kicking myself. DD will now have this for life.
Nanny says she is sorry.
What would you do?

OP posts:
DailyMailSucksAss · 04/12/2016 18:14

MissVictoria check this out from columbia university. Genital herpes caused by Herpes Simplex type 2. Cold sores caused by Herpes Simplex type 1. Cold sores are not oral herpes. If you had oral herpes your mouth would be ridden with sores - have seen it while volunteering in Calcutta, it's horrible.

goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/cold-sores-oral-sex-genital-herpes

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 18:14

Understandable that you are kicking yourself. Less understandable that you are furious with her. Would you have paid her sick pay?

PlumsGalore · 04/12/2016 18:15

I never ever had a cold sore until I had my first child, then I got one, the baby didn't, but my immune system was so run down I must have been susceptible. No one else in the house had one, No one I knew got one. It's very likely this was going to happen at some time in her life. Funnily enough now we have a grown up family only myself and the grown up baby get them them. Did he give it to me?

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 04/12/2016 18:15

It's very contagious. It's ridiculous to suggest it's not. Some people may have an immunity and it can stay dormant but it is very contagious. OP I would be very upset too

Bunnyfuller · 04/12/2016 18:15

You can pick the virus up from a supermarket trolley and it's hardly Ebola. Smh.

MudCity · 04/12/2016 18:16

YABVU. If your DD didn't get a cold sore from your nanny then chances are she will get one at some point in her life from someone else. Just the same as we get colds or viral infections.

If your DD getting a cold sore makes you 'furious' then how on earth will you cope if your DD becomes seriously ill? In fact, how do you cope with life full stop?

pudcat · 04/12/2016 18:17

I simply expected her to have had better hygiene How do you know she didn't? Did she kiss your daughter? Did she touch her cold and then your daughter's lips? YABU

TigerLily666 · 04/12/2016 18:17

I would be upset. I get cold sores occasionally and do all I can not to transmit them to DC Including wearing the patches (which makes me feel like a leper)

BTW - lots of people carry the virus but don't actually get cold cores and cold sores can be transmitted even before they appear.

almondpudding · 04/12/2016 18:18

It isn't that contagious. For people living in decent socio-economic conditions (so places like Britain, France), the proportion of people carrying herpes simplex 1 is 40-60%.

I suspect it is common within families, in that you are likely to pass it between family members. So in the case of Miss Victoria, where she has never seen any family member exhibit symptoms or report ever having them, it is surely far more likely than not that they are not carriers.

Looneytune253 · 04/12/2016 18:18

I am a childminder and get cold sores. I wouldn't dream of not working though?!? No one has caught them off me. They can be pretty nasty but I think that's just very young children. I wouldn't blame the nanny though. If one of my littlies caught a cold sore from me I'd be pretty upset but I would never have done it intentionally.
On a side note though, is a mum who gets cold sores just supposed to abandon her baby until it's gone? That can be a couple of weeks?

almondpudding · 04/12/2016 18:20

It certainly isn't as contagious as a cold! It would be a miracle if only 40-60% of people ever caught a cold!

PoldarksBreeches · 04/12/2016 18:20

cold sores are not an STD

50% of people with the virus never get a single symptom so go through life thinking they don't have it

those if you with cold sores who think you haven't passed it to your kids may have done without anyone knowing

turbohamster · 04/12/2016 18:20

My mum suffered occasionally from cold sores but none of the rest of the family have ever suffered. That doesn't mean that my mum didn't pass the virus on as it's possible to have the virus without ever having a cold sore.

I think that's more likely in scenarios where one family member has it and doesn't appear to pass it on.

We were always being treated for threadworms as youngsters so I'm pretty sure we didn't avoid it through scrupulous hygiene!

iwantaperfectsoul · 04/12/2016 18:21

It's horrid isn't it. I get them regularly and was terrified when my babies were tiny. Touch wood both of them are ok so far, despite my regular outbreaks and kisses!

I don't think you should sack her or fall out with her, however I think you were both foolish not to risk assess this. It's so much easier to prevent transmission these days, with those Compeed patches. They don't look great despite the marketing, but I don't care when I'm around my DC. Too late now for your DD but I would talk to nanny about this for future to save other kids picking it up from her.

pictish · 04/12/2016 18:21

"It's just annoying because with good hygiene it can be avoided"

Nope. You can catch it from anything, anyone and anywhere. Leave your nanny alone fgs. You're making a bloody fuss over absolutely nothing.

Btw - I've never heard of anyone calling in sick with a coldsore. How preposterous. They last about two weeks!

This thread is so stupid.

britbat23 · 04/12/2016 18:21

I hope your nanny finds a new employer soon, OP.

Serin · 04/12/2016 18:22

Firsttimer30's.....If it helps our DD, who had to be hospitalised at 4yrs because of Herpes has also never subsequently had a cold sore. She is 19 now. Smile

You can't blame the Nanny and you can't blame yourself, (We blamed ourselves for not diagnosing our daughter sooner but 2 GP's had treated her for tonsillitis Hmm)

I hate the Herpes virus. You do not have to have a compromised immune system to get it. Alder Hey told us that it frequently affects perfectly healthy kids of nursery and early primary school age.

Mountainhighchair · 04/12/2016 18:23
humphreyandlinnea · 04/12/2016 18:24

I think you're being massively unreasonable.

You don't know your DD has got it as a result of poor hygiene at all.

I understand you've had a ridiculous reaction to it because your child is ill - but feel very, very sorry for your nanny.

almondpudding · 04/12/2016 18:25

DailyMail, your link contradicts what you have said.

Cold sores are oral herpes. You can get both type 1 and type 2 herpes simplex as oral herpes, but type 1 is much more common.

PurplePetals · 04/12/2016 18:25

Poor woman. If had been the other way around and your child had a cold sore would you have told your nanny to stay away in case she caught it? No, thought not.
I used to be a nanny and caught hepatitis A from the children I looked after. Was I furious? Of course not. It's one of those things that happens when you're in close contact with others. I was pretty ill with it for a few months and it has had long term effects in terms of giving blood etc, but never once would I have considered blaming anyone!
My husband caught whooping cough from a patient, and before we knew he had it, he'd passed it on to our newborn baby who then spent a month in itu. We didn't blame the patient and I didn't blame my husband. It's just life.
Your child will pick up all kinds of things once she starts nursery or school, so it's probably a good idea to get accustomed to it.

charliedontsurf · 04/12/2016 18:26

There's some shockingly ignorant attitudes on this thread. OP I can understand its upsetting but there is nothing anybody could have done differently, the virus can be caught before the cold sore even surfaces. As others have said, thousands of people carry this virus and never even know about it. It's not your Nanny's fault or your fault either, just one of those things and your DC could have even caught it from elsewhere, you'll never know.

BertrandRussell · 04/12/2016 18:26

"Swollen glands , week of sickness, fever , off food"

Really? Are you sure it's a cold sore?

keekaw · 04/12/2016 18:27

I would be totally furious. I get them and when I have one I am obsessed about washing my hands and washing my kids' cheeks/hands etc if there is any accidental contact.

RNBrie · 04/12/2016 18:27

I'm surprised by everyone here saying "it's just a cold sore". The OP's dd is poorly, it's not just a cold sore.

My otherwise completely healthy dd is 5 now and gets "just a cold sore" every month or so and the area affected is around the size of a 50p. It's really sore and makes her sad - from blister to totally going away takes around 2 weeks. So around half her life is currently spent with "just a cold sore". The GP says there is nothing we can do but wait and hope her immune system learns to cope better.

All the people saying they had one 20 years ago and never had one since are not the norm. My dd is not the norm either. The op has every right to be upset that her dd has caught a virus which could impact her life for ages (but hopefully will not).

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