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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny gave DD a cold sore - furious. AIBU?

436 replies

firstimer30s · 04/12/2016 17:31

As the title said, nanny came to work with a cold sore. She said she is careful so like an idiot I didn't question it. DD (3 yrs old) developed a fever, sore throat and now a huge cold sore. I am so angry and I'm kicking myself. DD will now have this for life.
Nanny says she is sorry.
What would you do?

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 04/12/2016 18:43

well it kind of does since much of the outrage is about the poor nanny passing on an 'STD' to a child Hmm

she didn't she passed on a cold sore - not maliciously - and the OP is being twatty about it

almondpudding · 04/12/2016 18:43

We've also had a link from the NHS, stating that symptoms can be severe in both adults and children when they first contract it.

Of course it isn't a big deal to people who already have cold sores who usually are not made ill by it, but it is a bigger deal to people who have reason to believe they or their children may not be carriers, so are at risk of severe symptoms!

Haffdonga · 04/12/2016 18:44

50 to 80% of people carry the herpes simplex virus. 90% of people have been exposed to the virus by the age of 50.

It may have been the nanny who passed it to your dd. It may have been Auntie Mary, the lad at the supermarket checkout or it may have been you.

YANBU to be sorry your dd is ill. YABU to be furious with the nanny.

RNBrie · 04/12/2016 18:45

Hamsolo is it this one?

m.boots.com/h5/cat_hub?unCountry=uk&path=%2Fen%2FBoots-Electronic-Cold-Sore-Machine_1129542

I'd be really interested to give it a try, we've had no success with anything else.

almondpudding · 04/12/2016 18:45

People aren't outraged that the nanny passed on an STD. She didn't pass it on that way, and she may not have passed it on at all.

But it is a cavalier approach to claim that cold sores are never an STD.

NerdsAndMonsters · 04/12/2016 18:46

I've lost count of the numbers of sick children with Primary Herpetic Gingivostomatitis (see link) I've diagnosed over the years. Funnily enough I don't remember any of their parents saying "Oh it's just a cold sore" Hmm

www.google.co.uk/search?q=primary+herpetic+gingivostomatitis&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=ivn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjThOvkl9vQAhVIQCYKHcZgCcQQ_AUIBygB&biw=1024&bih=649#imgrc=R7IAc8a0aKbo0M%3A

Serialweightwatcher · 04/12/2016 18:47

I used to get them a lot when I was younger but hardly ever since I got past teen years - good to spray perfume on a little cotton wool and dab it on (stings like heck but works) ..... they are really infectious anyway but too late now, it's done

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 18:47

ghostyslovesheets: That's what I mean, though. The outrage is stupid even if these people are right. She clearly hasn't been having sexual contact with the child so who cares whether it's an STD? It's just a way of emoting about the issue. It's also bollocks but that isn't the point.

MrsSthe3rd · 04/12/2016 18:48

You're furious that your DD caught a cold sore?!?! Hmm why didn't you send the Nanny home then?

It's not nice being poorly at that age, I get it. Just make her as comfortable as possible and take the pharmacists advice.

We have impetigo and cold sores here. Sometimes they've caught it off others, but I've never reacted this way.

You do realise that she will catch lots of contagious things in her life, don't you?!

almondpudding · 04/12/2016 18:49

It isn't emoting about the issue.

It is about stating facts when other people are stating a great deal of misinformation about herpes on a public forum.

AteRiri · 04/12/2016 18:50

Anyone could be a carrier of the virus without knowing it.

In this case, I'd have sent the nanny home if she comes in with an active sore.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/12/2016 18:51

definitely don't have the virus, nobody in my family does, i've been around these people 27 years and not one has ever had a cold sore

How on earth do you know that Victoria? I think you need to do done research on the virus.

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 18:51

almondpudding: I'm not saying you are emoting but I think that is the only reason to harp on saying "She gave the child an STD" - it's hardly relevant.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 04/12/2016 18:51

YABU

GardenGeek · 04/12/2016 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Natsku · 04/12/2016 18:52

Its unpleasant and sad for your DD but its not the nanny's fault, if she had tried to hide the fact that she had a cold sore then you'd have a point but she didn't.

But chin up, the first instance is the worst, and some people never get a re-occurance. I had them regularly as a child but haven't had once since my early teens (I'm 30 now). Also have type 1 will lessen your DD's chances of getting type 2 (the type that usually is on the genitals and is more aggressive and unpleasant) so that's actually a bit of a bonus about her catching it.

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 18:53

GardenGeek: I get that both sides have been debating it. I just said it's irrelevant.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/12/2016 18:54

It's just annoying because with good hygiene it can be avoided

Who's to say your child didn't get too close to the nanny? Kids are notorious for jumping all over you before you get a chance to boot them off your lap!

GardenGeek · 04/12/2016 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedOrangeGoldLeaf · 04/12/2016 18:58

I would be angry. Despite all the people saying "most" people have the herpes virus, the study up-thread reckons in countries like ours only around half do. Hardly as ubiquitous and unavoidable as some people are saying. DH has it, but I haven't, and neither have both our DC - DH is very careful when he has an outbreak and we make sure his DM (who also has it and is far too laid back about it) is also careful. My parents both get cold sores but, as I said, I don't and I don't think my sister does either. They were also really careful and practised proper hygiene.

That said, you should have sent her home. But I can see why you didn't, if she said she'd be careful and you trusted her.

PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 18:59

My very own mother gave me a cold sore - or rather a really nasty primary herpes simplex infection.
I was 8, I can still remember it, it was so horrid.
V painful mouth, full of blisters, then ulcers, refused to eat because of the pain, felt ill, could only tolerate fluids with a straw (so it would go straight to the back of my throat, rather than touch my actual mouth).
I've had cold sores ever since.
I still love my mother Grin
Interestingly, my father and brother who lived in the same house with the same level of social closeness have never ever had a cold sore.

If you are susceptible you will pick them up somewhere.
There is no way to be absolutely certain that your DD's cold sore came from the nanny, although it is of course possible.
She may or may not keep getting them - you will have to wait and see.
As she 'only' got a cold sore it suggests that she may have been exposed to the virus somewhere along the way already.

I truly don't get the angst.
What am I missing?

Devilishpyjamas · 04/12/2016 19:00

My son had eczema herpeticum after catching a cold sore in the first year of his life. He still lives with the effects of that illness 17 years later.

It is just one of those things and how bad it is/whether you get it will depend a lot on individual susceptibility. Being furious with the nanny is ridiculous. She could hardly stay off work for a cold sore.

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 19:00

The OP should definitely have sent her home. However careful you are, you cannot guarantee not passing on a coldsore. The OP seems to want to blame the nanny for something that she has tacitly admitted was her own fault.

Thinkingblonde · 04/12/2016 19:01

I ot a cold sore on my back from the sun. I'd been out wearing a strappy vest top. The following day an itchy tingly spot appeared on my back, I lvsited my doctor who told me that it was a coldsore. I'd never had one before. The doc told me that the virus can lay dormant for years, the sun had triggered it into an active one. I was prescribed Anti virus medication which cleared it. The doc jokingly asked who'd been kissing my back!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/12/2016 19:05

I truly don't get the angst.
What am I missing?

Could you not just TRY and summon up a bit, just for this threadWink