Nanny gave DD a cold sore - furious. AIBU?

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As the title said, nanny came to work with a cold sore. She said she is careful so like an idiot I didn't question it. DD (3 yrs old) developed a fever, sore throat and now a huge cold sore. I am so angry and I'm kicking myself. DD will now have this for life.
Nanny says she is sorry.
What would you do?

I really sympathise with you OP. But you can't know it was the nanny, you just can't. It is a massive disappointment nonetheless. But not the end of the world and not uncommon. One of my 4 DCs gets cold sores. Never on her lip but always on the left side of her face. From the age of 4. Usually chin or cheek and twice on her eyelid. You learn to recognise the signs early and to treat quickly. She always gets them with extreme temperature exchanges and so now I give oral aciclovar when we go on holiday - the cold sore still comes but very mild. I didn't know for a long time it was cold sores - she used to get a secondary bacterial infection and so the cold sores were missed until I took her to a dermatologist. Hopefully your DD won't be as bad, it is unusual.

The cold sore virus sheds to a degree from the infected skin area even when the sore/blister/lesion is not visible. Once the blister is visible it itches and irritates. Touching, patting or scratching the blister can cause it to leak or rupture, the fluid in the blister is highly contagious and this spreads the virus aggressively. There are small patches/plasters available at the pharmacy that are specifically designed for herpes blisters, it covers them and helps prevent spreading the virus and at the same time aids in healing. I personally would think it quite appropriate to supply the nanny with some to use whilst she is on duty. Oral herpes too can be spread from staff test tasting children's food and sharing spoons/cups with children. Yes herpes is very common, but can also be quite dangerous if the liquid from a herpes blister gets into the eyes which can cause in extreme cases permanent damage to the eye. Preventative measures are always key.

My DD got a corneal scratch from a poke in the eye at school. It wouldn't heal. The theory was the scratch compromised the eye resulting in a cold sore. She has mild corneal scarring which affects a small part of her field of vision. They concluded it was this after ruling everything else out.

The cold sore only resulted because she already had the virus.

Obviously I am in a minority from reading the replies, but yes I too would be furious. We had a clause written into our agency brief and employment contract that we would not hire anyone who got cold sores, as our DD gets severe eczema and if the cold sore got into the eczema it would lead to hospitalisation. Children can get really ill from cold sores, and it can spread to their eyes and blind them, if they touch the cold sore then touch their eyes.

Arewehumanirarewedancers Not intended to dig at working mums at all. I am actually a working mum. I've worked both full time and part time over the years. As such I understand the pain that working Mums can experience. It is a compromise. I worked because I had to when my kids were little and hated other people having so much say in my children's upbringing. All I was saying that if there is a choice - and obviously there may not be -take it, because once it's gone it's gone. Sorry if you felt I caused offence. Was simply suggesting that the OP looks at the real issues. I audience t that "threat of cold sore" isn't the only issue here.

*i suspect

Trty apple cider vinegar on cold sores. A little vinegar on cotton wool and hold it onto what will turn into one for 30 secs a few times on day one. If you catch it before it blisters it just goes away. Completly kills the virus. I have not had a cold sore develop since i was told about this. Good luck, sucks when grown ups get it, never mind little ones

I would be furious. My niece is really sick at the moment with a cold sore (primary infection), she refuses to drink and eat and it spread to her eye - she's very little and doesn't understand she can't rub her eyes.
Not a chance in hell I would want to see the nanny again. And yes, I know IABU but frankly, I don't care. 'Sorry' doesn't cut it...

MN scares me sometimes. So many irrational people loose in the world 😳

I gave my 6 month old ds a cold sore. Despite having crippling post partum anxiety and OCD which meant I was in bits about having one and scrubbed my hands raw constantly.

My hygiene couldn't have been better and he still got it.

I know how you feel because I cried for days when he got one, it's awful. But it really isn't your Nanny's fault.

Yep...you are being REALLY unreasonable. 90% of people get herpes simplex during their lifetime. The first occurrence is usually the worst. Many people (especially if contracted in childhood) develop antibodies and never get another cold sore in their life. Others get them popping up again, but generally they can be treated easily with over the counter medications such as Acyclovir/Zovirax cream, etc.

When your Nanny turned up for work with an open, weeping cold sore, ie., still contagious, you had 2 choices. You could have sent her home until she was no longer infectious. Or you could have weighed up the inconvenience of losing your childcare for a few days against taking a risk that your child might catch it....and you opted for door no 2. I think a lot of your anger with your Nanny is displaced anger with yourself, but don't beat yourself up about it. Working mums are constantly having to make difficult decisions with children's (pretty constant when they are little) ear, throat and chest infections and deciding if they are really so poorly I need to keep them home versus my boss will be livid if I miss this important presentation dilemma.

Nanny may be the obvious culprit, but there is a chance he caught it from someone else. The virus is pretty well everywhere. If she is a good Nanny and your child is fond of her....make peace and let it go.

MN scares me sometimes. So many irrational people loose in the world

God yes.

Summer - ds1 had eczema herpeticum - he was pretty ill with it (covered in blisters from head to foot - only clear bit was his feet) & it was treated pretty aggressively but no hospitalisation - although it took a while to dx. He only had mild eczema at the time of developing the infection (until that point - we had months of wet wrapping after the initial infection). The infection affected him in other very major ways (far more than the above) & still does (well according to his paediatricians it's the most likely reason for ongoing major issues).

Would I rather he hasn't caught it? Of course. But furious? Why furious? However careful someone is they cannot guarantee they won't transmit an infection. Being furious is just blaming someone irrationally. You don't even know whether it definitely came from the nanny - although she may be the most likely source you cannot be sure. I have no idea how ds1 contracted his. I was a SAHM & had never had one (although I started getting them about 7 years later) - but maybe I was a sub clinical shedder. Who knows? It may have come from my mum - she has always had annual outbreaks - but how would being furious help or be fair? You can have the best hygeine in the world and still pass it on.

Incidentally I think one of my others had a primary herpes infection with the high temp etc at some stage (again before I'd ever had one - maybe I've just been shedding crazily for years) - but it really was a transient illness & no big deal.

I'm with Raqs.

Ffs it's a cold sore and not hiv.

Cold sores aren't pleasant at all, I have had them since a child. They shed the virus throughout the stages of healing so even when crusted over will still shed - and your nanny would have no control over microscopic spores!! Unless she was kissing your child (highly unlikely!) then it would be impossible for her to know exactly how the transmission occurred (as suggested by poster who would require to know how it happened).

I would be upset but unless the nanny has terrible hygiene (again am sure she was not rubbing her coldsore and touching your child) I would accept it as an unfortunate accident. I have never had a nanny but would you be willing to take off over a week off work whilst she waited for her coldsore to heal. I have had cold sores that when particularly bad have taken 2 weeks to fully heal.

Your nanny must also be run down as this is when coldsores tend to arrive so I wouldn't make her feel worse.

I understand you feeling upset and annoyed but unless she was making direct contact with your child and her coldsore, or giving her utensils or cups she had used herself it is not her fault. There is an outside chance your child could have picked it up elsewhere. Lots of people carry the virus dormant and it is coldsore season unfortunately.

think a lot of your anger with your Nanny is displaced anger with yourself

Exactly. If you really were bothered you'd have sent nanny home on full pay for a week whilst the cold sore healed.

I don't think you should be upset with your nanny because however careful she was there was always a chance that she would pass it on. You took that chance by not letting her be off sick that day. I take immunosuppressants so avoid people with colds and other infection like the plague. I notice that my family, co-workers and friends are also pretty careful not to infect me when they have viruses but it still does occasionally happen despite everyone's best intentions.

Late to the thread!Saw 'nanny'....thank F...(as you would say) it was not the child's grandmother!

Now that would have been a Mumsnet one for the Mail!

Yep - you saw nanny had a cold sore - you chose to take the risk - you should be equally furious with yourself - YABVVVU

Tbh yabu. It's a cold sore..it's not the end of the world as I understand it most people have it. And you can't call in sick for a cold sore. A child would also be expected to attend school with a cold sore also so he may have caught it elsewhere.

I would be furious. cold sores only pass with mouth to mouth contact and I would be uncomfortable with the nanny kissing my child on the mouth - cold sore or not

the cold sore issue, I would be livid, its the herpes virus, there forever

Only pass with mouth to mouth? Horseshit.

How did my 6 month old ds get one from me then when I had severe OCD and was completely ott regarding hygiene.

Have a massive

Just to clarify for mrs snootch - it doesn't just pass with mouth to mouth contact. It can be passed by touching the cold sore with a finger then touching someone else or another part of your body, it can be passed through a someone wiping their face on a damp towel, then another person wiping their face or hands with that towel, and it can be passed by sharing a drinking glass or sharing drinks from a bottle. The initial infection can be really bad with a high temperature, and it can lead to lots of secondary problems for very young children who can't follow hygiene measures. Cold sores itch, so young children under the age of 4 are naturally inclined to rub them, then rub things like their eyes without washing their hands in between. And lots of children get eczema in the early years which, if infected with the herpes virus, spreads across the whole body and is excruciating for months and can lead to lifelong problems (see devilishpyjamas's post). If someone who cares for your young child, like a nanny or aupair, has a cold sore, then tell them to stay away from your child altogether until it crusts over and is no longer infectious. It is not a problem with teachers in schools as they do not share a bathroom/hand and face towels/cutlery and drinking glasses with your child. It is not huge deal for children over the age of 7 or so to catch a cold sore, but young children under the age of 4 catching them can (but not always!) be devastating for their long term health.

Sorry bummy mumy. That post was too doomsday, and I didn't mean to sound like its the end of the world and I know you are careful with your little one so he will be fine as you are keeping an eye on things and you are taking it seriously. I just got upset by everyone saying its not a big deal, because I want everyone to be careful round little ones and not think it doesn't matter.