Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny gave DD a cold sore - furious. AIBU?

436 replies

firstimer30s · 04/12/2016 17:31

As the title said, nanny came to work with a cold sore. She said she is careful so like an idiot I didn't question it. DD (3 yrs old) developed a fever, sore throat and now a huge cold sore. I am so angry and I'm kicking myself. DD will now have this for life.
Nanny says she is sorry.
What would you do?

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 05/12/2016 19:10

That's a lie. Mine take about 10 days to scab over and heal

Brew
ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 05/12/2016 19:11

I'm guessing, based on absolutely no evidence other than my own experience and the belief that 70% of people carry the virus, that if you're susceptible to cold sores you're going to get them at some point regardless. It might have been the nanny who transmitted the virus, or it might not. It would have happened anyway.

YANBU op to be upset - but YABU to blame your nanny.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/12/2016 19:14

I think if you have cold sores you should (if possible) stay away from newborns and people with damaged immune systems (I postoned a visit to a friend receiving chemotherapy when my lip started tell tale tingling the morning I was due to see her) - otherwise it's business as usual (& I say that as the mother of an older baby who was very ill and left damaged by herpes).

Thefitfatty · 05/12/2016 19:15

Today 19:06 Olympiathequeen

Such a lot of misinformation here! You can't get cold sores unless they are active and you have an open sore. Viruses don't shed from nothing.

No that is wrong
m.jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/198/8/1098.full

Adsss · 05/12/2016 19:18

Olympia stop spreading lies as facts. Look up asymptomatic shedding. I will happily back down with a credible link.

JackLottiesMum · 05/12/2016 19:20

I know it might seem logical but you can't assume the cold sore came from the nanny. I know I have the cold sore virus in my blood as I tested positive for it in a blood test - but apart from a cold sore on my lip I had as a child - I have never had a cold sore again. I know when children are little you want to protect them - that's natural - but if she is a good nanny - good nanny's are hard to find so worth forgiving and forgetting and moving on.

Adsss · 05/12/2016 19:23

Another mother of a hsv1 infected and consequently damaged baby here there at least 4 of us on this thread effected seriosly by this virus. Hence me repeating the same things each time some more information is presented on here as fact but is in truth misinformation.

shinynewusername · 05/12/2016 19:24

Explain 'how ' it happened..... person must be completely anal

Well that's one transmission route, yes Wink

user1474456634 · 05/12/2016 19:25

Never posted before seeing this thread and won't again..instead I'm going to put a pound in a charity box and do something bloody useful instead to help someone who needs it..not some unreasonable woman who really needs to get in touch with reality regarding a piffling little insignificant (there are people who actually have terminal illnesses in this world) cold sore and seeks to blame someone for it...I'm thinking macmillan. ..

Olympiathequeen · 05/12/2016 19:27

Fitfatty. For crying out loud, we are not talking about sexual transmission!

Cold sores stop shedding viruses once they are fully healed.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cold-sore/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Olympiathequeen · 05/12/2016 19:31

User. Primary infection with cold sores in young children cause a very nasty illness with fever, swollen glands and a very unwell child. That's what OPs child had, not a little sore on her lip.

It's been known to kill vulnerable newborns you are asked not to come into NICU if you have a cold sore.

Ok, so kids get ill, but when it completely avoidable, why should OPs child have to suffer this? OP of course should have sent her home, but a nanny should know about the risk to small children and babies.

7654novice · 05/12/2016 19:42

First ever post. I read AIBU A LOT but I've never been spurred to post until this thread got my pulse rate up.

A cold sore is usually a very minor ailment. OP, I am sorry that your child has developed other symptoms and is poorly. However...... Your nanny has done absolutely nothing wrong and I'd hate to think you were implicit in making her feel as though she did.
As a previous poster said, the cold sore exists and can transmit before it is visually evident.
If your Nanny did have the cold sore and passed it on through contact, can I ask, how many of us are guilty of being affectionate with our children when we're unwell. It's really hard to remember to keep your distance when you're physically responsible for a little person.
And, finally, it was your decision to allow her to work that day, knowing the risks.
Please let it lie and don't make your poor Nanny feel any worse than she undoubtedly does.

ExitPursuedBySantaSpartacus · 05/12/2016 19:47

Just remembered. I was chucked out of a giving blood session because of a cold sore.

Made to feel like a real pariah.

BillyDaveysDaughter · 05/12/2016 19:58

I'm sorry the OPs child is poorly and that they are upset. I feel for the nanny a bit, she must be mortified.

But I feel moved to add to this thread in general, that the level of ignorance on a very, very common virus - both types are carried by 70% of the population and 50% of them don't even know it - is astounding.

I get that it can be serious in young children. But I'm amazed at the mindless belief in nonsense. It's right up there with catching a cold by getting cold, which is equally bloody ridiculous.

surferjet · 05/12/2016 19:59

I know in the great scheme of things a cold sore is no big deal - BUT - as a sufferer I can tell you first hand that they are bloody painful and you never clear the virus from your system ( although as the years have gone on I get less and less outbreaks )
Also, as an adult, you have to be very careful with sex partners as I can transmit the virus via oral sex.
So this is not a minor little thing.

leapyearbaby · 05/12/2016 20:00

My little one caught one from I think (but you can't ever be sure) his childminder days before his 3rd birthday. GP gave anti virals immediately. He had a nasty collection at the corner of his mouth. Some in mouth and down throat. Raging temp. I am phobic. Survived avoiding them from my dad. I assume i am immune. Childminder said she was careful and I trusted her. But I've heard also the virus can be caught even if not active. I think they are hard to avoid and many of us are luckily immune. DS is nearly 9 now. Has had maybe one a year since. V mild. Gone in days. Always in site of first appearance.
I didn't blame the minder at all. I grrrrr'd inwardly to be honest but it was bad luck. That's all.

Sonjae · 05/12/2016 20:03

Firsttimer30s bet you wish you hadn't posted. My advice would be to google for facts before you slate anyone else on the internet where they can't defend themselves and don't even have a clue you were doing this behind their back. You will not be getting employer if the week award. I hope she walks out and finds a nice person to work for.

NUTLEY22 · 05/12/2016 20:08

I think you are being a little unreasonable, I suffer with the cold sore virus and this has never been passed on to my husband or our son. You have to carry the cold sore virus to get one and clearly your daughter has it.
You don't just get a cold sore because you have come into contact with someone who has one. My dad suffered with cold sores and so do I, but neither of my sisters has ever had one because they don't have virus.

xmb53 · 05/12/2016 20:14

Children get sick, catch things etc. Get over it or don't have a nanny.

MrsRobinson79 · 05/12/2016 20:16

My dd also caught the virus when she was 2 and was very ill with it. I did not know anyone who had a cold sore at the time. I did loads of research and its estimated that between 50-80% of the population have oral herpes, but you can catch it and never even have a coldsore. Its also possible to shed the virus when you aren't even showing any symptoms.

However if she did catch it from the nanny (most likely cause) she probably caught it before the nanny was showing any symptoms as that's when the virus begins to shed.

YABVU

Olympiathequeen · 05/12/2016 20:19

Nutley. You do catch cold sores by coming into contact with someone who have an active sore. They can be dangerous and very unpleasant in babies and young children. It has killed vulnerable newborns!

How do you know your sisters don't have the virus? The virus lies dormant in the majority of people because their immune system keeps it down.

Repeat...you catch it from people with open or active unhealed sores....

grannytomine · 05/12/2016 20:23

There is more than one herpes virus, the one that causes chicken pox is airborne but the HSV1 virus, the one that causes cold sores, is not airborne. HSV1 is usually spread by skin to skin contact with or without a cold sore being present.

Horispondle · 05/12/2016 20:26

I haven't RTFT but please anyone who suffers from cold sores use the patches you can get (compeed) they completely cover the cold sore and stop it from spreading! I was suffering from multiple cold sores when I gave birth both times but I used the patches to protect my newborns from getting it. Not so much from kissing but from in case you've touched your lips without realising.

Olympiathequeen · 05/12/2016 20:28

It is spread via hand or skin contact. It cannot spread unless there are active sores. Either at the early tingling stage and on until it is fully healed.

It can't be spread without a sore. If that were the case the child of the OP would have caught it at any time. Funnily enough she caught it when the nanny had an active open cold sore.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cold-sore/Pages/Introduction.aspx

ExitPursuedBySantaSpartacus · 05/12/2016 20:29

Vinegar.

Swipe left for the next trending thread