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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny gave DD a cold sore - furious. AIBU?

436 replies

firstimer30s · 04/12/2016 17:31

As the title said, nanny came to work with a cold sore. She said she is careful so like an idiot I didn't question it. DD (3 yrs old) developed a fever, sore throat and now a huge cold sore. I am so angry and I'm kicking myself. DD will now have this for life.
Nanny says she is sorry.
What would you do?

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 05/12/2016 18:31

I couldn't employee someone with cold sores to look after my kids

I'd just like to point out to all the ignorant, judgemental twats Hyacinth Buckets on this thread that at least 70% of you already have the herpes virus. And I really hope that you all develop cold sores and get judged by people as ignorant and judgemental ill-informed as you.

impossible · 05/12/2016 18:38

Couldnt agree more with Notdeadyet and shinynew Your attitude is rather appalling.

ClareN1980 · 05/12/2016 18:39

You're being unreasonable. It's a cold sore, not cancer. If you were that bothered you should have looked after your child yourself and sent her home.

ThePeoplesChamp · 05/12/2016 18:40

You ridiculous woman. You absolutely hysterical, unreasonable and really quite nasty individual.

I hope your nanny finds a more reasonable family to work with, and sharpish, she must be sick of walking on eggshells around you.

I just wanted to add that sunlight (yes! in winter!!!), as well as stress and being ran down can be a huge trigger breakout. So, while I think YOU are a piece of work, and COMPLETELY unreasonable do your daughter a favour and put SPF lipbalm on her when the sun is out. Or will you just scream at your nanny to do it?

CantstandmLMs · 05/12/2016 18:41

Wow does this work the other way? My employer, mother of my charges, gets regular cold sores. One of the kids has one and I got my first one last year (after 8 years employment with them) could blame them. Probably won't Hmm

RichardBucket · 05/12/2016 18:42

How do all the posters who would be furious at this get through day to day life without having breakdowns?

ExitPursuedBySantaSpartacus · 05/12/2016 18:43

Oh don't get me started on sun induced cold sores.

ThePeoplesChamp · 05/12/2016 18:46

Oh don't get me started on sun induced cold sores

Yup - I'm the one with the prema-white ring around my lips after rocking spf50 on lips year round. Has reduced breakouts by about a billion percent though..... until I fell pregnant and have had FOUR!!!!

OP - should I fire fetus?!?!?!?!?!?

itsbetterthanabox · 05/12/2016 18:49

Cubtrouble
I generally only get a cold sore once in maybe 2 years. How would you know not to hire me? Is it an interview question?
Also what will you do when your kids are at school, the park, the street, literally anywhere? They could easily pick up the virus there?

Lifegavemelemons · 05/12/2016 18:51

Gosh yes real ignorance on this thread - yes OP YABU. I had cold sores as a child - am now in my 60's and haven't had one for decades, my exh was always getting them when he was run down. None of our (now adult) DC got them. Luck of the draw.

If your dd got them quite soon after the nanny it's entirely possible they were both infected by the same source.

Your child will be exposed to many different infections as she grows up - it's rarely a failure in child care or parenting, it's just what happens.

Wait until you have to treat warts and nits .... you're going to just have to chill. Do your best to keep her safe and out of harm but recognise that some things are just out of your control.

noddy · 05/12/2016 18:55

I would be upset - yNBU ignore all the nasty people here

maybeitssomethingelse · 05/12/2016 18:55

I would say yes yabu, I'm sure you wouldn't give it a second thought if your DD gave the nanny a cold sore or anything else contagious, a cold etc x

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/12/2016 18:56

Unless someone goes to an interview with a huge crusty weeping cold sore you won't know if they ever have them

Saying you would fire someone for having a cold sore , I'm sure would come up discrimination in some way

user1472573736 · 05/12/2016 18:59

Cold sores have been a real problem in my life. My Gran suffers and so did my mum. I've been on a wealth of medication to bring them under control often getting 20-30 at a time! The medication just surpressed my immune system and made more come out.

I've since found lysine - a natural supplement the best thing, I take two a day every day, when I have a break out which is rare I up that to 4 and they generally don't even break out.

Comped are also very good as a protective barrier.

Previously break outs used to be very aggressive and sore - often hurting my optical nerve and bring on migraines.

I certainly didn't get them as an std!

Suadow · 05/12/2016 19:02

Well said ! Explain 'how ' it happened..... person must be completely anal....

Devilishpyjamas · 05/12/2016 19:02

Pages back - but no I wasn't saying herpes gives immunity to chickenpox - I meant that I 'caughjt' chickenpox (from someone) & developed immunity without ever having a single spot (I know I'm immune as I was tested in pregnancy after an exposure). The same thing can happen with herpes so all those people sharing a hpuse with someone saying they've never passed it on probably have (it is highly contagious) - it's just the person they gave it to hasn't shown any symptoms (yet).

Jennifer8787 · 05/12/2016 19:03

I think your feelings are completely understandable and rational.

The nanny arrived, you saw she had a cold sore and either you or she mentioned it. She then reassured you that she was always careful. How awkward would it have been to then tell her to turn around and leave. Furthermore, because you weren't aware of the issue before she turned up, I imagine you were on your way out with no real alternative?

How awful that people would judge you for being upset by this. Of course you are. It's your child and you want to protect it.

On the positive side, cold sores are common and there are a lot of treatments to manage the symptoms.

The nanny wouldn't have intended for it to happen I'm sure, and I wouldn't see the point in taking action for this if you are happy with her in every other way. Your child can't catch it twice!

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 05/12/2016 19:03

YABU. It's a cold sore.

Senac32 · 05/12/2016 19:05

firsttimer30s I was going to post a reply saying not to worry, but on 2nd thoughts I should add that the herpes virus can be a serious risk to newborns. At 3 your daughter should be OK.
I'm not a doctor, but have heard about this.

Suadow · 05/12/2016 19:05

Nice one ! I'm just replying to people who have posted how 'unreasonable' she is being !

Mrsmorton · 05/12/2016 19:05

I'm a dentist and we're advised to turn people away if they have active cold sores (unless really urgent emergency treatment). The virus can be picked up in the water spray from the drill and spread around 2metres. If it gets in an eye it can cause blindness.

Olympiathequeen · 05/12/2016 19:06

Such a lot of misinformation here! You can't get cold sores unless they are active and you have an open sore. Viruses don't shed from nothing.

smiffy54 · 05/12/2016 19:06

I have worked with children for 40 odd years, in schools and community settings. They have given me; impetigo, scabies, dysentary, headlice, ringworm, conjunctivitis, as well as common illnesses. Some conditions are highly contagious, and will be contagious before symptoms show, so it would be very difficult to prevent infection spreading.

PacificDogwod · 05/12/2016 19:09

This thread has now lasted longer than the average cold sore Grin

Devilishpyjamas · 05/12/2016 19:10

God the ignorance on this thread is astounding.

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