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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not wanting to spend NYE with a newborn?

243 replies

Justheretojudge · 04/12/2016 12:17

Me and my DP decided to go to a NYE event our favourite bar/restaurant are doing this year. Another couple of friends said they want to come too, but are insisting they bring their month old baby with them.

Whilst I get it's their first christmas new year with their first child, and want to spend time with them, a busy bar/restaurant on New Year's Eve isn't really appropriate is it? It will be loud, noisy, late at night, cold later on full of drunk people. Surely this would be no fun for the child?

Allot of other young couples, groups of friends will be celebrating, and I'm sure they wouldn't really enjoy being forced to spend my NYE with a baby.

OP posts:

Atenco · 05/12/2016 04:31

Bertrand if you took a tiny baby to a 'very rowdy' night then I am honestly questioning your suitability to be a parent

Jajajaja
I used to go to loads of parties when my dd was very small, she often arrived sleeping and left sleeping.

What I can't understand is where the OP expects her friends to park their baby for the night. I don't know anyone who gets a babysitter for a newborn.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 05/12/2016 06:29

I wouldn't have a problem taking a 1 month old to a pub at night (or anywhere to be honest) as at that age it's in a sling and pretty portable. BUT not at New Year, not till 1/2/3am and not a loud party party.

As far as the baby is concerned it won't know whether it new year or whether it 1pm or 1am. Yes, if it's a shout-to-be-heard type venue it's not really appropriate, and if the atmosphere is likely to be boisterous then again not really appropriate. Other than that I don't see the big deal.

To me I think whether or not baby comes shouldn't really be the issue, but the OP does need to deal with the fact that their friends have had a baby and are likely to think and prioritise differently.

It's pretty unrealistic to expect parents of a newborn to leave it with a babysitter at 6 weeks old. And unrealistic to expect the parents to want the exactly the same things from a night out as they did before the baby.

I remember the first time I went out without my baby, who was perhaps 8-9 weeks old at the time, went for a bite to eat and a couple of drinks 5 mins from my house, leaving baby with DH and a bottle of expressed milk. I was giddy with excitement to get out of the house but after a couple of hours I practically ran back home because I couldn't bare to be away any longer. No way with a baby that age could I have left him for a long boozy carefree NYE.

Mammylamb · 05/12/2016 08:10

I'm a mum of a one year old. At 6 weeks i happily took him out for pub lunches, but to a busy pub on NYE; no way would that happen. Seriously I would call the pub and ask their stance on it; chances are that they won't want a baby in late at night (their license may not allow it). I would also advise you look for new friends. This isn't being nasty or judgey (or accusing you of being either). I have a few friends who really are not fond of children.. We have went from weekends away together, seeing each other at least monthly to only seeing each other 3 times in the last 18 months. I still am very fond of my friends, sure they are of me; but for the moment out lives are just a bit too different

Bogeyface · 05/12/2016 09:49

What I can't understand is where the OP expects her friends to park their baby for the night. I don't know anyone who gets a babysitter for a newborn.

They could stay in! They could accept that having a new baby means that they cant go out partying like they used to, or if they really want to then they have to get a sitter.

I suspect the line "Our life wont change because we are having a baby" will have been trotted out several times during pregnancy.

CaraAspen · 05/12/2016 09:53

The friends' lives have changed. They will learn that and the decision not to take your young baby out in NYE

user1480182169 · 05/12/2016 09:55

There's little (not no) proof that alcohol in breastfeeding is harmful because it's an area that would be an ethical minefield experimentally

Actually there is plenty of proof that it isn't. It's not a minefield, there have been studies done on it. In fact thats how we know, the fact that these studies are deemed possible means we know that its not harmful.

CaraAspen · 05/12/2016 09:58

Sorry - posted too soon.

The friends' lives have changed. They will learn that - and the decision not to take a young baby out on NYE would be a sensible one. Life is not going to revolve around them anymore but is going to increasingly revolve around what is the best thing for their baby. At least I hope that is going to be the case...

IJustLostTheGame · 05/12/2016 10:13

Yanbu OP.
You want to have a boozy, drinky, laughy grown up only NYE. Fair enough.
You're frightened you're going to have to hide in a corner with your friends who are probably horribly overtired, besotted but desperately trying to be adults again and do grown up fun.
If they won't be changing the baby they will be feeding the baby, soothing the baby, marvelling at the baby, worrying over the baby and you will be included in all of this and feel uncomfortable letting your hair down and being a bit raucous.
There's no way I'd have taken dd at 6 weeks old out to a bar on NYE. I couldn't have coped.
Dd would have been fine though.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 05/12/2016 13:32

I am going against the majority and saying YABU. I don't think it will affect you.
At his age the baby will either sleep or be held in the parents arms. It would be different with an older baby or a toddler.
I don't see how the baby being present will mean more talk about baby stuff. All new parents talk about this most of the time, even without the baby there. If you don't want to hold it just say you have a cold or you had too much to drink.
I don't think you have to change your behavior because a baby is around. At this age it won't remember anything, so feel free to swear, drink, dance in a sexy way etc. If that is what everybody is doing in the bar, I don't see why the parents would expect you to behave differently.
If there is a fight and the whole bar is taking part, I don't think the parents will want to stay, but then I would imagine that even without a baby you will want to leave if that is the case, no??

paxillin · 05/12/2016 13:37

YABU. One out of two things will happen:

A) Baby sleeps in sling and will look like a bag the parents are carrying
B) Baby does not sleep, the parents will go home

Baby won't know what's going on, you can dance naked on the table, no problem.

YouTheCat · 05/12/2016 14:34

What if these are the kind of parents who won't go home though and then inflict their distressed newborn on NYE revellers?

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 15:04

"What if these are the kind of parents who won't go home though and then inflict their distressed newborn on NYE revellers?"

What if any of the revellers are other types of arseholes?

StefCWS · 05/12/2016 15:06

Most bars wont allow children in after 9 anyway, I think its awful that they want to take a newborn to a pub!

YouTheCat · 05/12/2016 19:17

On NYE in a bar, I'd expect a few drunken arseholes. I'd not expect a newborn.

People would be quick enough to be up-in-arms if there was anyone drinking in a children's play area.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 19:20

Has anyone come up with a rational explanation as to why it's bad to take baby in a sling to a pub/party/anywhere?

gamerwidow · 05/12/2016 19:25

I'm with you OP having a baby in the group will completely change the dynamic. There is nothing wrong with wanting adult only spaces and nights out. If doesn't make you a child hating monster to not want baby on your night out. Babies do not belong in bars and nightclubs.

YouTheCat · 05/12/2016 19:26

I've no problem with a baby in a pub at a meal or at a party in someone's house. I just don't think NYE is appropriate, given the nature of what goes on in pubs on that particular date. And if I was paying the extortionate prices for a good drink then, I'd not want to be around kids in a bar. I'd expect plenty of other people there would have gone not expecting small children to be about. Drunk people do stupid things. Who'd want some drunk person cooing over their baby?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/12/2016 19:39

Has anyone come up with a rational explanation as to why it's bad to take baby in a sling to a pub/party/anywhere?

It's not so much that it's bad. However there are certain times (NYE being one of them) where it's busier louder and more hazardous than usual.

I also spent a fair whike working in pubs and the amount of people who stay for hours with kids running about whilst ordering a bowl of chips to get round food rules are ridiculou. Coming out fir a Meal is one thing. But spending hours til gone 10 at night getting drunk while kids are sat with a bowl of cold chips on the table being ignored or left running riot as naturally they are bored and hungry is another.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 19:42

"I also spent a fair whike working in pubs and the amount of people who stay for hours with kids running about whilst ordering a bowl of chips to get round food rules are ridiculou. Coming out fir a Meal is one thing. But spending hours til gone 10 at night getting drunk while kids are sat with a bowl of cold chips on the table being ignored or left running riot as naturally they are bored and hungry is another"

Yes, I agree, that's completely outrageous on many levels. Did you post on the wrong thread?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/12/2016 19:46

The point is that the majority of people out late on NYE are going to be pissed. Kids rarely make a difference to this and it's hard for people not to worry about said kids when they are with the people drinking. It does change things. Saying it won't affect the op is wrong because it just doesn't. If people start acting irresponsibly it's a human reaction to start watching out fir them or the kids or whatever..

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/12/2016 19:47

It just does

Christmascheerful · 05/12/2016 19:50

Well I think yabu
its not like your friends will expect you to burp change feed baby etc
A few coochie coos then get to the bar dancefloor let your hair down

if someone took their baby along to aparty on nye that I was at I would let them get on with it...not my baby!!

YouTheCat · 05/12/2016 19:54

A party is different from a bar.

zeezeek · 05/12/2016 20:11

Well, for a start you don't know if it's going to be in a sling. Prams and car seats take up a lot of space around a table.

People do act differently around babies. They dominate conversation and attention and some people find that boring.

Sometimes people want to just have so,e fun with other adults. There's nothing wrong with that and they should not have to justify it to anyone.

CaraAspen · 05/12/2016 20:23

Exactly, zeezeek.

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