Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to spend NYE with a newborn?

243 replies

Justheretojudge · 04/12/2016 12:17

Me and my DP decided to go to a NYE event our favourite bar/restaurant are doing this year. Another couple of friends said they want to come too, but are insisting they bring their month old baby with them.

Whilst I get it's their first christmas new year with their first child, and want to spend time with them, a busy bar/restaurant on New Year's Eve isn't really appropriate is it? It will be loud, noisy, late at night, cold later on full of drunk people. Surely this would be no fun for the child?

Allot of other young couples, groups of friends will be celebrating, and I'm sure they wouldn't really enjoy being forced to spend my NYE with a baby.

OP posts:
user1480182169 · 04/12/2016 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

zeezeek · 04/12/2016 18:09

God, no of course you are BU. Who on earth would want to bring a newborn to an event where there are going to be loud people?

Adults, regardless of whether they have children or not, are entitled to spend time doing adult things, in the company of other adults and not have to talk to, or about, children.

I think you need to have a word with your friend and out,one your expectations for your evening. It is not selfish of you to want to spend time with adults and it is not even unreasonable f you to not like kids. Not everyone does.

If your new parent friends don't like it, then they can make alternate arrangements.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 04/12/2016 19:03

Only on Mumsnet would anyone consider that this may be remotely appropriate - never mind OP and her DP, what about the other guests at the venue?

I love kids, but would be pretty peeved if someone brought a newborn to a bar where I was planning to spend NYE - despite it perhaps doing nothing but sleeping in a corner, it would force me and others to modify behaviour because there are some things that are not appropriate around a baby.

Adults-only environments are just that - NOT appropriate for anyone to force their offspring off onto others in a venue where children are not generally expected/encouraged/tolerated.

BertrandRussell · 04/12/2016 19:07

"there are some things that are not appropriate around a baby."

Like what?

user1480182169 · 04/12/2016 19:11

Like what?

Hard core dance music? Chemsex clubs? Massive amounts of alcohol?

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 04/12/2016 19:11

Don't be deliberately obtuse. Swearing, shouting, shoving, drinking heavily... Seriously, can you not think of anything that may be unsafe around a child/baby? Hmm

As I said, only on MN... Grin

bloodyteenagers · 04/12/2016 19:15

Here's a free business idea.
Open a place that is child friendly, open all year, and no restrictions to when children have to leave, because there won't be an alcohol required. So events like nye parents don't have to stay in, and scenarios like this can easily be solved.

The parents can take their pfb out to a bar/restaurant to bring in the new year with other like minded individuals. And the op and others can party on, get hammered without worrying they will trip over the buggy or accidentally knock the parents.

Birdsgottafly · 04/12/2016 19:15

"""there are some things that are not appropriate around a baby."

Like what? ""

Being drunk, wobbling holding glasses/food. Getting argumentative, having to push past people in a busy bar. Even though a baby can't understand, I'd rather not be flirting/having child inappropriate banter, around one.

It's difficult enough fighting off drunk men, trying to give you a "New Years Hug/Kiss" without the vulnerability of a baby about.

It can depend on the pub/bar, but a six week old baby could do without being placed in such an environment, during Flu/Virus season. What's the temp going to be, on leaving and how long will they have to be outdoors?

ZoFloMoFo · 04/12/2016 19:16

"there are some things that are not appropriate around a baby."

Like what?

Seriously? You don't get out much, do you? Grin

bloodyteenagers · 04/12/2016 19:17

*alcohol license

Oh and spill drinks/glasses accidentally over the baby.

Soubriquet · 04/12/2016 19:17

But it's a baby?

They are hardly going to notice if two adults suddenly started having sex on the dance floor and two others fighting in the corner

They won't notice, the won't remember, they won't care.

bloodyteenagers · 04/12/2016 19:18

Fights. That's another thing not appropriate.

user1480182169 · 04/12/2016 19:19

They won't notice, the won't remember, they won't care

The adults will. They'll notice and care about the crying baby.

NiceFalafels · 04/12/2016 19:21

Babies are very portable and spend a lot of time sleeping. Usually. You probably won't even know the babies there.

bloodyteenagers · 04/12/2016 19:21

Fight can quickly escalate. A fight on the other side of the room can quickly be near you.
Imagine the headlines - as revellers brought in the new year, 6 week old baby injured in bar brawl.

BertrandRussell · 04/12/2016 19:21

Well speaking as the person who took a very tiny baby to a very rowdy St Pat's night I honestly can't think of anything that would not be appropriate around a 3 week old in a sling!

haveacupoftea · 04/12/2016 19:27

I wouldn't take my baby out on NYE personally but tbh OP you have a pretty horrible attitude and should be a bit more supportive to your friends. They've had a big life change and are trying to navigate their way around it whilst staying themselves. Thats not easy to do, and if I were you I would quit moaning about how you dont like babies etc and just be a decent friend.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 04/12/2016 19:28

Bertrand if you took a tiny baby to a 'very rowdy' night then I am honestly questioning your suitability to be a parent.

JellyWitch · 04/12/2016 19:31

If the venue allow it then I don't see a problem. Both mine would sleep and/or nurse through anything quite happily at that age.

sherazade · 04/12/2016 19:31

It depends on the baby again, my dds would have been fast asleep discreetly in a sling for hours when we went out , ds would feed for hours so i couldn't go anywhere if I wanted to have fun . Not sure how it would affect you though !

marmiteandcheeseplease · 04/12/2016 19:35

OP you say you've been planning this night for a while but surely you knew they were expecting a baby?! Did it never occur to you they wouldn't want to leave a newborn alone without them?

Given your age I can see why it pisses you off as you have no interest in a baby. I don't necessarily think they are BU either, just your priorities and interests are obviously different now. If I were you, I'd get used to it as these differences are likely to get more obvious over time.

BertrandRussell · 04/12/2016 19:42

"Bertrand if you took a tiny baby to a 'very rowdy' night then I am honestly questioning your suitability to be a parent"
Can I ask why? He slept throughout. Did he subliminally pick up bad messages from his family and their friends and the population of Cork? His father and I were sober. We didn't dance while holding him...

Yoarchie · 04/12/2016 19:48

Hmmmm
If you did the inviting then yabu to think they'd leave a month old baby behind.
I do think it's odd, I'd stay home n their positions

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/12/2016 19:48

Fight can quickly escalate. A fight on the other side of the room can quickly be near you.
Imagine the headlines - as revellers brought in the new year, 6 week old baby injured in bar brawl.

Where is it you go where all these massive brawls happen Hmm

PensionOutOfReach · 04/12/2016 19:51

very clearly it depends on the child.
Some like dc1 will sleep wo a peep and you wont even know they are there. Others like dc2 will scream and scream and scream.

Re going out wo the baby and not drinking...
As the baby is bfed that's put of question, esp so early on. There will be no pattern for feeding established. The mum will need to be there for a feed if need be.
Regardless of whether the baby is present or not, she wont be able to drink anyway.
I think all that was a given even when you started to talk about NYE celebrations.

As a new mum, going out would have been my idea of a nightmare but that's is really up to her.
The reality is that having a baby WILL change the dynamic in your relationship with your friends. They wont be as available as before. Their child will be coming first, be present, dictate hours for meeting up or/if you can.
Im afraid you will have to get used to it if you want t keep the friendship (and remember that you are hoping you will be in their shoes at some point too)

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.