Not wanting to spend NYE with a newborn?

[Justheretojudge]

Me and my DP decided to go to a NYE event our favourite bar/restaurant are doing this year. Another couple of friends said they want to come too, but are insisting they bring their month old baby with them.

Whilst I get it's their first christmas new year with their first child, and want to spend time with them, a busy bar/restaurant on New Year's Eve isn't really appropriate is it? It will be loud, noisy, late at night, cold later on full of drunk people. Surely this would be no fun for the child?

Allot of other young couples, groups of friends will be celebrating, and I'm sure they wouldn't really enjoy being forced to spend my NYE with a baby.

I imagine the party will be more bothersome to the baby than vice versa and some babies will happily sleep through anything in a sling. That said I couldn't imagine anything worse than taking my newborn to a loud noisy party.

Why on earth would anyone want to take their newborn baby to a bar on NYE? Sounds like they need to get a grip of what having a baby involves tbh.
People will be drunk, staggering about, shouting etc - it would not be safe. One of them needs to stay home.

Most lisecned properties will not have a lisence for anyone under the age of 18 after a certain time so chances are the baby will not be allowed anyway.

Just as an example, I bought my baby out for a biggish, louish night the other month - dinner first then pub. He was wrapped up warm, I breastfed in the restaurant and he then slept in the pram with ear defenders on. No hassle whatsoever and it was a suitable environment as much as anywhere is.. it's not like a newborn needs anything more than a parent there and a warm body to snuggle into should they wish

Surely the bar won't allow it?

But if it does, it's likely that the parents will stay for a short while and head home early.

YANBU though.

Hopefully the baby will just sleep quietly in his/her car seat.

Passing your newborn baby around a group of friends on a drunken night out for cuddles and stuff would just be weird and if that's what they do then it sounds to me like they will probably turn out to be those parents who believe the world revolves around their little darlings.

^Being forced to hold, interact and generally faking being pleased it's here when I'm really not.

To me I just envision it crying all the time which isn't the child's fault, it's what they do, and just generally taking up the parents time, whilst you're trying to drink and have a conversation with them. The mothers breastfeeding, so she can't drink. And surely she will be so tired.^

No one's likely to force you to hold the baby - I only ever gave DS to people if they asked me specifically. If the baby is anything like mine they will either be asleep or feeding, not crying. She won't necessarily not drink if she's breastfeeding- it's not a "cant" situation, its personal choice (although obviously she shouldn't be falling down drunk).

From your last post it seems your concern is not for the baby's welfare but some rather selfish and self-centred needs of your own op.

It's not about you, you don't need to get involved. Just be polite and try not to sound too much like you've stepped out of The Witches.

I personally wouldn't take a baby to a bar-restaurant on NYE ... but I wouldn't suggest anyone else shouldn't. Its parents will be looking after it, not you. It doesn't affect you. If it cries or needs feeding or changing, they will deal with that.

To be honest, in your follow-up post, you just sound annoyed and quite bitter that your friends have had a baby at all. It's a baby, FFS, not a threat. It's not going to usurp you as Queen Bee.

Just to echo others - has anyone checked that the bar/restaurant will allow a child to attend? If it were purely a restaurant, then chances are it would be fine - but maybe not if it's one of those places that becomes more about the alcohol later on.

I can understand parents of a 2 week old baby not being willing to leave him/her with anyone just yet - but I also don't think that a noisy bar on NYE is an appropriate place for a small child.

When my three DCs were that sort of age we either stayed home or went to friends or family.

Anyone half expecting a DM article about being chucked out a pub fir Bf when in fact the license states no kids after 7...

It's (almost) none of your business and your reasoning makes you sound like a bit of a shit friend tbh - what's with all this "surely they should want to stay at home" bollocks?

Id have loved to have been able to take mine at that age. He'd never have been able to tolerate it, colicky sensitive baby that he was, but some babies do just settle in the sling and you'd hardly know they were there.

It does sound as though you are weirdly jealous of the baby. It will be what, six weeks old? Of course the parents will be more interested in their tiny baby than you.

Last new year my friend had a party. When I got there it was like a child's disco. There was even a ball pit set up. I left within an hour.

NYE is a adult celebration imo.

I think this is probably a reverse. Nobody could be that self absorbed surely?

Yes the baby will take up some of the parents time. But if they didn't bring the baby they wouldn't be there, so you'd see even less of them.

I don't think the baby will be allowed after 8/9pm. Call the bar/restaurant and check.

Although whether it's actually a bar or restaurant makes a big difference. Baby sleeping in a pram by the table in a restaurant where everyone is seated is unlikely to bother anyone so long as there's space but if it's a bar with crowds then it's a daft suggestion.

I take my 10 week old DS everywhere - he's been to dinners out, pub lunches, nights in the pub and round to friends for dinner parties - and has done since 5 days old. He never cries - if he did, we'd go home- and luckily my (all childless), friends are brilliant and don't give a shit if I'm talking to them with a baby on my tit or not. They're cool with me nursing one glass of wine. And if anything they're a bit annoying as they squabble over holding the baby (when he's awake).

We're all late twenties/ early thirties, and don't see the baby as an impediment to a lovely time - just a lovely addition to our "London family" as we think of ourselves (we're all from out of town)

I think tbh if I were this couple, I'd be more worried about your sourness spoiling the night, than a little baby ...

I have a baby about the same age (about 3 and a half weeks) as well as a toddler and to be fair she is fairly portable as she tends to be either asleep or feeding so wouldn't be too disruptive on a night out. I wouldn't have attempted with her sister at the same age though as she was a colicky, screamy baby most evenings.

However I wouldn't take a small baby to a bar personally though (especially on NYE) because I think a lot of adults go to these things to get a night off from being around kids. Frankly I'm amazed they have the energy to contemplate a NYE party. I'm in my bed at 9pm most evenings right now!

I was going to agree with you, but your reasons for not wanting the baby there are incredibly selfish.

It depends on the baby and the type of venue really. Most people I know with little babies bring them out to the pub in a sling. You wouldn't even know the baby was there.

I'm certain the bar won't allow it. There's usually a cut off time for children of 8pm in bars and pubs and rightly so. They are idiots to even consider it, unless they're just going to meet you for an hour and then go home. I can't imagine anyone thinking it's acceptable to take a child to a pub all night on the rowdiest, most drunken night of the year.

But surely that's a call for the parents?!

It doesn't matter your reasons, having a child at something like this does change the dynamics. The conversation will revolve around the baby.
Questions need to be asked now - what happens if baby screams the place down. Are they going to stay beicase it's what babies do and everyone should tolerate this. Begrudgingly leave with sad faces and comments about them now being left out. Get up and go.
Have they considered that the baby won't be allowed in the place after a certain time and this really won't be midnight?

Definitely check the venue will allow it. Most places I know have a no kids after 9 or 10pm rule.

I don't think your reasons are selfish.

I've sat through a few birthday meals or nights out where I've been looking forward to getting away from my own a child free evening and friends have brought their uninvited babies along, it totally changes the dynamic of the evening and while we're all doing the "right" things, cooing over the baby, etc, inwardly we're all rolling our eyes, and then whoever has arranged the next night out has made it clear whether it's adults only or if children are invited too.

I would always rather have a friend with a baby in a sling than not have the friend, frankly.

I remember went I went to Chile years ago and it was totally the norm to see mothers out in busy restaurants breastfeeding their babys at the table, amongst gatherings of their friends and family. It was lovely. Such a shame that the UK is so intolerant in comparison.